Tanya Forster Psychologist

Tanya Forster Psychologist Tanya is a Psychologist and the CEO of Macquarie Health Collective

20/09/2026

Behaviour is communication. But does doesn’t mean it is a free pass.

I think this is an important distinction.

When we talk about looking underneath behaviour, it can sometimes sound as though we’re suggesting parents should simply accept whatever their child does because “they’re dysregulated.”

That’s not what I mean.

If my child hits someone, I need to stop the hitting.

If they throw something, I may need to remove it.

If they’re being unsafe, safety comes first.

The boundary still matters.

But once everyone is safe, I also want to get curious.

What happened before this?

What was my child feeling?

What were they trying to communicate?

What skill did this situation require?

Did they have access to that skill in that moment?

Because stopping today’s behaviour is only part of our job.

We also want to help our children develop the skills they’ll need the next time something feels hard.

Hold the boundary AND chase the why.

Save this if you sometimes find yourself wondering what sits underneath your child’s behaviour 💛

Is anyone else limping towards the Term 3 finish line?As a Child Psychologist, I’ve seen the end-of-term fatigue for yea...
19/09/2026

Is anyone else limping towards the Term 3 finish line?

As a Child Psychologist, I’ve seen the end-of-term fatigue for years.

As a mum of two currently very tired children, I’m also living it.

This is often the point in the term where we see more:

• tears over seemingly tiny things
• irritability
• sibling conflict
• difficulty getting ready in the morning
• “I don’t want to go!”
• lower frustration tolerance
• meltdowns after school
• and children who seem to have temporarily forgotten how to do things they’ve been doing perfectly well all year.

And sometimes our instinct is to respond by pushing harder.

Come on.

You know how to do this.

We’re nearly there.

Just get through the last few days.

But sometimes what we’re seeing isn’t a child who needs more motivation.

It’s a child who has less capacity.

That doesn’t mean every expectation disappears.

School still needs to happen. Teeth still need brushing. We still need boundaries.

But perhaps we can look around the edges and ask:

Where can I make things a little easier?

Maybe there are fewer after-school demands.

Maybe dinner is very simple.

Maybe we help with something they usually do independently.

Maybe there’s more quiet time at home.

Maybe bedtime comes a little earlier.

Maybe there is some extra screen time because, frankly, the adults are limping towards the finish line too.

And when they completely fall apart because you gave them the wrong coloured cup?

Perhaps instead of seeing only the cup, we can remember everything that came before it.

A whole term of learning.

Listening.

Concentrating.

Friendships.

Transitions.

Activities.

Rules.

Noise.

Getting things wrong.

Trying again.

Holding it together.

Sometimes the green cup is simply where the remaining capacity ran out.

So for the final stretch of Term 3, I’m not aiming for family-life excellence.

I’m aiming for:

Lower demands where we can.
Rest where we can.
Connection where we can.
And a little more grace for everybody.

Including ourselves.

We’re nearly there 💛

If you’ve ever told your child:“You’re so clever!”“That’s perfect!”or“Don’t worry, you’ll do amazingly!”PLEASE don’t rea...
16/09/2026

If you’ve ever told your child:

“You’re so clever!”
“That’s perfect!”
or
“Don’t worry, you’ll do amazingly!”

PLEASE don’t read this post and add it to your list of things to feel guilty about.

I say these things too.

We don’t need to police every sentence we say to our children.

What we’re interested in is the bigger pattern of messages they receive over time.

For a child who is already putting enormous pressure on themselves to perform, we can intentionally make space for some other messages too.

🌱 Being a beginner is safe.
🌱 You don’t have to know the answer.
🌱 Mistakes are allowed to feel disappointing.
🌱 You can ask for help.
🌱 You don’t have to make everything your absolute best.
🌱 Sometimes finished really is enough.
🌱 You are valued regardless of the outcome.

I particularly like shifting from:

“Don’t worry, you’ll do well.”
to:
“Whatever happens, we’ll handle it.”

The first tries to make the uncertainty disappear.

The second says:
You don’t need certainty to be okay.

And for an anxious or perfectionistic child, that’s an incredibly important skill to gradually develop.

Our goal isn’t to stop children caring about doing well.

It’s helping them know:

“I really hope this goes well... AND I’ll be okay if it doesn’t.”

When we picture a perfectionistic child, we often picture the child who spends hours trying to make their work perfect.A...
14/09/2026

When we picture a perfectionistic child, we often picture the child who spends hours trying to make their work perfect.

And yes, perfectionism can absolutely look like that.

But it can also look like avoidance.

Not starting.
Giving up quickly.
Only choosing activities they’re already good at.
Procrastinating.
Repeatedly seeking reassurance.
Or insisting they don’t care.

Why?

Because if making a mistake, struggling or potentially failing feels really uncomfortable, avoiding the situation altogether can provide relief.

If I don’t try, I can’t fail.

Of course, these behaviours can have many explanations.
Procrastination, for example, might be related to executive functioning, ADHD, overwhelm, motivation, task initiation—or simply not wanting to do something!

We’re not trying to diagnose children from individual behaviours.

We’re trying to become curious about patterns.

So rather than stopping at:
“They give up too easily.”

or
“They just won’t try anything new.”

We might wonder:
💭 What does my child think will happen if they aren’t good at this?
💭 How do mistakes feel for them?
💭 Is avoiding this helping them escape an uncomfortable feeling?

Sometimes the behaviour that looks like not caring enough can actually come from caring enormously.

And understanding that changes how we support them.

13/09/2026

If your child is perfectionistic, the goal isn’t to teach them not to care ✨

Our children are always watching us.Not in a “here’s another thing you need to get right” kind of way.But in a:“This is ...
11/09/2026

Our children are always watching us.

Not in a “here’s another thing you need to get right” kind of way.

But in a:
“This is how I learn what being human looks like” kind of way.

They notice what happens when we make mistakes.

When we lose.
When we don’t know the answer.

When we’re not immediately good at something.

And particularly...
how we speak to ourselves afterwards.

If I spill something and immediately say:
“I’m such an idiot!”
my child hears that.

If I lose and become furious, they notice.

If I refuse to try things unless I know I’ll be good at them, that communicates something too.

But we don’t need to model mistakes perfectly either.

Sometimes we simply make our thinking visible:
“Oops. I got that wrong.”
“That didn’t work. I’ll try another way.”
“I don’t know. Let’s find out.”
“I’m still learning.”

Or one of my favourites:
“I’m not very good at this... and I’m still having fun.”

I love that message for kids.

Because so much of life happens in the space where we’re not experts.

We’re learning.
Trying.
Experimenting.
Looking slightly ridiculous.
Getting things wrong.
And gradually improving.

Our children need to know they are allowed to exist comfortably in that space too.

So this week, perhaps deliberately do something you’re not particularly good at in front of your child.

You don’t need to teach them a lesson about it.

Just let them watch you be a beginner.

And show them that being imperfect is a perfectly safe way to be 💛

My latest blog is up ✨
11/09/2026

My latest blog is up ✨

10/09/2026

Your perfectionistic child asks, ‘Is this good enough?’ What do you say? ✨

09/09/2026

Perfectionism in kids doesn’t always look like trying to make everything perfect ✨

There’s nothing wrong with asking:“How was school?”But it’s a BIG question.Think about someone asking you:“How was work?...
07/09/2026

There’s nothing wrong with asking:

“How was school?”

But it’s a BIG question.

Think about someone asking you:

“How was work?”

You’ve spent eight hours navigating dozens of conversations, tasks, decisions and emotions.

“Fine” might be all you’ve got too.

Some children respond better to questions that are smaller and more concrete.

Others will tell you everything...just not at 3:15pm.

And that’s important.

After spending all day:
learning,
listening,
following instructions,
navigating friendships,
managing sensory input,
remembering rules,
and keeping themselves together...

some children need to decompress before they connect.

So sometimes the best after-school conversation strategy is:
🍎 food
🏃 movement
🏠 familiarity
💛 connection
🤫 fewer questions

And then, three hours later while you’re making dinner, you might suddenly hear:

“Oh Mum, guess what happened today...”

You don’t need to capture the conversation the second they walk through the door.

Keep the door open and let them walk through it when they’re ready.

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