13/07/2021
I lost my way 🌫
But I’m back now 🌌
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My formal Yoga journey began in Nam and teaching, India. Living in SE Asia for several years, I didn’t think so much about the warped Western Yoga perspective because that was so foreign from where I was living.
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FF📼2019 I moved to WA. Everywhere: hot, power and fitness. I would self practice at various studios and for the majority it was all🔥 & “it’s not a real practice unless you sweat uncontrollably from your eyeballs” can you even sweat from your eyeballs?👀
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I felt constrained by, what I believed to be, an expectation to teach a fitness class. It was then I slowly began to compromise myself in an attempt to please everyone and attract Asana (physical practice) focused and holistic, spiritual Yoga practitioner alike. Was I ever wrong!
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I didn’t need to change teaching from my heart, for the joy of moving my body in ways that felt juicy and squishy while being anatomically smart about what I was creating. I teach at studios that have always given me the freedom to create and be authentic, but I unintentionally still became so worn by misguided outside, Western, expectations. While continuing to teach about mind-body connection, spirituality and maintaining an authentic/thoughtful Yin style, I wasn’t leading by example in the construction of my Vinyasa flows. I was so focused on making something challenging, I somehow missed that I didn’t need to exhaust my students during warm up to create something satisfying. I lost sight of the necessary progression a proper warm up carries as well as the natural challenges a complex flow nurtures. I was feeling anxious about teaching and like I couldn’t get it right. I sacrificed so much of me. I slowly lost trust in myself and what I had to offer as being enough.
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Feedback from my students made me realise that all of what I gave up, in striving to fulfil the demand for fitness, was exactly what I needed. I’m sure we all, at some point, feel “not enough” and it leads us astray to something “other.” I finally found my way back to something authentic & imperfect, an ode to feel good exploration in the moment. I won’t always hit the mark, but I found myself in movement again🤍🙌🏼
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