18/07/2026
We mask our vulnerabilities. You may hear your partner screaming and shouting and swearing but do you think this is a sign of a 'strong' individual?
We see our partner withdrawing and some of us, instantly, return to the negative thoughts (the ruminations) that have haunted many of us for a
lifetime, i.e. he or she must find me repulsive; the relationship must be over; this is the time I need him or her the most but this is when they withdraw; what is wrong with me?
Does any of this sound familiar? Per Alain de Botton's book 'The Course of Love' - it would be better if we could step away from one another when tensions build, take those deep breaths we often dismiss, returning to address concerns in a gentle and thoughtful way.
No one is a mind reader. I do not care if you think your partner is your soul mate - the person who SHOULD know you best. Not true - ever. As a mature adult in a giving relationship, learning how to express your feelings, INCLUDING your fears and vulnerabilities can bring you closer.
If you are entering into a relationship or a marriage or you have made a decision to move in together, ask yourself, 'Am I doing this to be loved OR am I doing this because I want to show and express love?' There is a difference because there will be days when you may not feel love and these are the moments when you ask yourself, 'How have I shown my love lately?' Thinking of LOVE as a verb instead of a noun will carry you together well into the future.
Relationships are tricky. No individual on the planet remains the same person for decades - well, at least I hope for you they don't! Don't you want your partner to remain curious about the world and all its wonder? Think about it. Change is okay. Change is healthy. But no one is going to change at the same rate of speed or in the same manner as their partner.
Navigating the change through open and honest communication will set you up for success.
There is something about each of us that makes our partner frustrated, surprised, angry, confused, or even more in love - and this can occur daily.
Yes, truth is excellent but there is a way to share the truth gently; you don't have to be brutal.
