29/06/2026
I dont share photos of my darkest times
I dont want to be someone who comes across as looking for pity. But after a few photos popping up recently I need to own and look at that in a different perspective.
Because reality is they are part of my story. And because by sharing i then give others space to be brave too and know that they have someone who can relate.
This photo is deep in addiction. Deep in hating my body and story in to my 20s so much that addiction was my escape. Escape from my childhood abuse, the trauma and violence that shaped my perspective on relationships and safety. Escape from the deep pain i felt around my childhood and how different i felt to my friends growing up. It was my escape from my reality.
A daily addiction for many years that kept me in control of what i could and what feelings i had to face. Well i thought I was in control. I thought I was the one in the drivers seat. But i wasn’t at all.
Everything i was holding on to deep down still had a grip on me. Abusers still had a hold of me. All the toxicity around me from such a young age was driving the destruction train and i was just going along for the ride.
Giving up the addiction, walking through and facing the darkest of mental health struggles, depression and doing the work over the years to beat the demons gave me back the control.
Looking inwards can be extremely confronting but without it we dont get to grow and heal. We dont want to ever admit that parts of us are broken and the ripple effect that has on our relationships and those around us. We dont want to admit that being vulnerable is scary because we are so good at telling ourselves we have all our s**t together. Sometimes we just don’t want to admit our faults. But there’s nothing more powerful and strong than doing the inner work.
Healing comes in many forms. Theres not one person that doesn’t need to heal from something. All are valid.
And i can be grateful for my journey now because without it i wouldn’t be able to sit besides others while they move through their stuff.
Without my pain, my fk ups and lessons along the way I would not be able to hold space for people the way i can.
Without feeling the deep pain i felt i wouldn’t have the compassion and empathy for others that i do. To see their pain for what it is while helping them step into it and walk through it.
Without my stories i wouldn’t be able to connect with others through every mental health or breathwork session that i run.
So i can be grateful for the struggles looking back because without them i wouldn’t have the tools i do now to help pass on and create a more positive ripple effect moving forward.
To go from hating yourself to loving yourself and the heart you have is the biggest reward for the healing and hard work.
Dont ever be ashamed of your story because it can lead you to the most beautiful places in life 🫶🫶💖
