10/09/2026
"I DIDN'T WANT MY LIFE TO END. I WANTED THE PAIN TO END” 😞
In 2018, I attempted su***de🎗️
I looked at that moment as something that was wrong with me. Today, I understand it differently. I understand myself differently. I understand that the person I am today didn't suddenly appear in adulthood.
Our childhood sets us up in life, for the good and the bad. My father left when I was a baby. My mother was a s*x worker and rarely present in my life, and when she was, there was emotional and physical abuse from her and my stepfather. I grew up without the safety, stability and unconditional love that every child deserves.
And I adapted. That's what children do 🙏🏻
As an adult, I've come to understand that I'm neurodivergent. I live with ADHD, Complex PTSD, depression and anxiety. My journey has also included bulimia, addiction, self-harm and suicidal ideation.
For much of my life, I didn't understand why my mind worked the way it did. I just thought I wasn't very good at being human.
But I've learned our story matters ❤️
Research has found that people with ADHD have around 3.5 times the odds of experiencing suicidal ideation and around 2.4 times the odds of attempting su***de compared with people without ADHD. Research has also found that childhood emotional and physical abuse are each associated with roughly 2.5 times the odds of attempting su***de in adulthood, with particularly high risk associated with complex childhood abuse.
These numbers don't predict what will happen to me and they shouldn't be added together to create some frightening personal statistic. They simply provide context.
They helped me realise that perhaps the better question wasn't “What's wrong with me?” but “What happened to me and what did my mind have to learn to survive?". This perspective has been enormous.
I still experience suicidal thoughts.
I still become overwhelmed.
I still have days when the world feels unbearably heavy.
So today, I don't want to tell someone who is struggling that “everything will be okay.” I'll simply say "Let's give tomorrow the opportunity to be different from today" ❤️
