The Grief Technique

The Grief Technique Renee-Massage Therapist-Compassion Educator | Passionately supporting Mother’s through loss & grief.

TRUST is the key to any successful massage, specifically one with compassionate intention.
15/02/2023

TRUST is the key to any successful massage, specifically one with compassionate intention.

I get asked this a lot…what is the difference between an everyday massage and a massage for someone in grief? As a massa...
31/01/2023

I get asked this a lot…what is the difference between an everyday massage and a massage for someone in grief? As a massage therapist, I can say that it’s very different.

It’s rather hard to explain because it’s an automatic gear that clicks in from the heart rather than the brain. Rather than working on a client logically determining pathways of pain and evaluating symptoms, I allow my massage to be guided by the heart, my logic switches off and my hands are guided by intuition. To a client it may feel no different but the massage is directed in this way to shift and reshuffle energy, removing it from stagnant pockets and letting it flow free. So while a client may come in with areas of pain and tightness, it is releasing energy that is stuck that helps the body feel easful again.

Yes, the load you carry from those around you can be heavy. It stores in your body without even knowing the weight it be...
30/01/2023

Yes, the load you carry from those around you can be heavy. It stores in your body without even knowing the weight it bears on you.

You can never appreciate the heaviness that you carry until you have a massage. It doesn’t erase your grief but it manages the load you carry within your body. It’s a little bit like emptying the bucket that is catching the water from that pesky leak in your roof. The storm is still in motion outside but the bucket can manage the downpour when it’s emptied regularly.

Supporting someone at their greatest time of need has the opportunity to make a very big impact and one that will be app...
23/01/2023

Supporting someone at their greatest time of need has the opportunity to make a very big impact and one that will be appreciated. Even long after the event.

Even when you feel at your worst you will remember the person who just sat with you as you cried.

Massage therapy has the opportunity to offer this comfort, to remind a person in grief that their feelings are real and that they matter.

There is no pre-requisite for your loss to register. There is no scale as to which loss is more than another. A loss is ...
23/01/2023

There is no pre-requisite for your loss to register. There is no scale as to which loss is more than another. A loss is a loss and with a loss comes grief. A grief massage is for anyone. Anyone who is feeling lost, heavy and out of sorts.

As a pregnancy based massage therapist I have seen massage clients for unsuccessful IVF rounds, for a miscarriage and for continued miscarriages. I have seen clients who have given birth to a stillborn baby, given birth to a baby with health challenges and to a woman who was grieving over not being able to have anymore children. I have supported women who have lost a young child.

In my own experience, I experienced grief at my 20 week scan (15 years ago) receiving news I was not planning on hearing that day. My baby was found to have a birth defect.

There is no loss greater than another. A massage after loss supports anyone grieving, it simply recognises that you need space and acknowledges that your body is needing compassion and understanding. There is no judgement, no evaluation and no comparisons.

If you were treading water in the deepest and darkest ocean all alone, it would be all consuming, isolating, physically ...
14/01/2023

If you were treading water in the deepest and darkest ocean all alone, it would be all consuming, isolating, physically painful and tiring. It’s the constant need to tread water for survival. You sink at times and then gasp for air in your pursuit to stay afloat.

A lot like how grief feels.

In my experience as a massage therapist working with grieving clients, a massage can feel like that gasp of air you get when you make it to the water’s surface after the desperate effort you make to keep yourself from going under again.

It’s not selfish to have a massage when it’s part of the survival plan.

It’s true, when in grief - sometimes you are happy to share your story and sometimes you just don’t want to have to shar...
13/01/2023

It’s true, when in grief - sometimes you are happy to share your story and sometimes you just don’t want to have to share it on repeat. It depends on the person, it depends on the day, but one thing’s for sure - everyone is different. Knowing that you can arrive at your massage without an explanation can be a big relief. Knowing that your massage therapist knows you are grieving and being welcomed with open arms is even more a relief.

A massage is not a session for counselling, offering advice, having an opinion or passing judgement.

Providing an environment whereby there are no pressures or expectations is key.

Let us be real here for a minute, a massage does not have the ability to erase the sadness and reality of your client’s ...
12/01/2023

Let us be real here for a minute, a massage does not have the ability to erase the sadness and reality of your client’s loss.
If only it could.
That’s not the goal of a massage after loss and our clients need to be assured that as massage therapists, we are not wanting to ‘fix’ their sadness and grief. It is important to let them know that they are not expected to relax and enjoy their masssge as they would if they were perhaps on vacation at a tropical holiday destination with not a care in the world.

The guilt many clients often feel for booking a massage is real. Many mothers in particular will say they feel bad for booking a massage, not wanting to be selfish or indulgent at a time of sadness and despair.

Grief is stressful! It filters through the body to display in physical ways.
Physical symptoms can include (and are not limited to):
• Headaches
• Jaw pain (clenching)
• Neck and shoulder pain
Not to mention mental fog and exhaustion, appetite changes and gut disruptions, just to name a few.

A massage during grief accepts the circumstances. It honours the reality and it’s purpose is to ease the symptoms physically felt. It’s purpose is not to expect the client to relax and forget their reality but to feel supported and cared for during their grief and to return them to a more easeful physical body.

There’s no doubt that grief feels uncomfortable. Watching someone infront if you suffering is unbearable, you would do a...
11/01/2023

There’s no doubt that grief feels uncomfortable.

Watching someone infront if you suffering is unbearable, you would do anything to take their sadness and burden away. Not wanting to say the wrong thing or simply not knowing what to say is often the first fence that divides us from a grieving person. Showing that you care and confronting the uncomfortable is where the difference lies.

Mixed advice and guidance can further have you debate over and over what it the right thing to say and do and what is not. Let’s not forget too that grief is different for everyone, what works well for some may not work for the next.

Don’t be afraid to acknowledge the loss your client is grieving, and know that’s ok for it to not feel comfortable. Knowing that it was most likely an effort in itself for them to even walk through your door, there is no better reward for the client to sense a piece of comfort in your workplace.

Hi! Welcome! My name is Renee.Over the past 7 years through my work as a pregnancy massage therapist here in Adelaide, S...
11/01/2023

Hi! Welcome! My name is Renee.
Over the past 7 years through my work as a pregnancy massage therapist here in Adelaide, South Australia, I have met many women who have experienced unimaginable grief. I have worked with women who have experienced the loss of a pregnancy, multiple pregnancies, and many situations during their pregnancy journey that was not as they expected. I have worked with women who have experienced stillbirth and child loss. Suddenly their plan was no longer on the track they had envisioned for themselves and it was easy to see that these women felt alone, isolated and alienated from the world they fitted into not that long ago.

It was clear to me that many services that would support and nurture these women during their grief would not be accessed because it’s hard (if not the last thing they want to do) having to pull themselves together to fit the mould that society would love them to fit into.

Leaving the house and engaging in everyday conversation was a stressful thought alone, not to mention the thought of having to explain themselves if they just didn’t feel like themselves on the day.

It became my mission to ensure that these women had a safe landing place in my practice, creating space for them to access massage therapy and all the benefits it provides the body (especially when the body is stressed) and to be allowed to be themselves, with no expectations.

I feel there are many service providers who feel unprepared for clients who may present themselves during times of grief. With confident providers and clients who feel supported and accepted, we can walk this journey of grief together. I look forward to sharing my experiences with you as a massage therapist - providing compassionate care in times of grief and loss to build a community of confident therapists and supported mothers.

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Port Lincoln, SA
SA

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