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Anxiety and depression looks different for everyone, at times it’s seemingly invisible.Whilst I may seem happy, confiden...
12/02/2023

Anxiety and depression looks different for everyone, at times it’s seemingly invisible.
Whilst I may seem happy, confident and carefree in this photo the reality is it’s a photo, a millisecond snapshot, it doesn’t tell a story.
What you can’t see is that I was on antidepressants, I had drank a lot before this photo, I was smoking, not to mention the 10 photos that were taken before this photo because I was so self conscious of the way I looked (anyone can be body conscious so don’t assume)
This is just a gentle reminder on this Monday morning to be kind because you really have no idea what is under the surface of others 💙

Part 3I don’t really recall how long we waited for before the transport (helicopter/plane, honestly don’t remember) arri...
19/01/2023

Part 3

I don’t really recall how long we waited for before the transport (helicopter/plane, honestly don’t remember) arrived, but before we knew it she was being placed into the transport cot and was wheeled out past our families and my partner. And that’s all they got, that was the introduction to their first grandchild and niece.
Unfortunately I was not allowed in the transport and had to drive to Melbourne, so shortly after the transport left my mum and I left straight to Melbourne. My partner was unable to come straight away due to just having surgery. We arrived at the Mercy hospital in the early hours of the morning and were taken straight up to the NICU (neonatal intensive care unit).

Walking in, not knowing what to expect I was taken to her. I walked through the NICU, and there she was, my little girl hooked up to what felt like every machine possible. Right then, I knew, Abby girl was in for the fight of her life. Later that day we spoke to the paediatrician and he told us the heartbreaking news.

Abby had lost a lot of blood and her organs had began to shut down, the machines were keeping her alive at this point. Again, my heart sank and I broke. We took hope that she would improve over night, and all we could do was wait.

Part 2The phrase that still plays over in my head to this day came from the doctor “once she is out and if everyone is h...
17/01/2023

Part 2

The phrase that still plays over in my head to this day came from the doctor “once she is out and if everyone is happy we will drop the curtain and you can meet your daughter.” Well she came out and the curtain did not drop, I caught a glimpse of my daughter as she was taken straight across to the paediatrician. My heart sank, i knew something wasn’t right. A doctor was straight by our side, “it’s okay, sometimes they just need some help breathing at the start”. A glimmer of hope, I was taken to her side where I met her and kissed her and her tiny tiny little hand squeezed my finger. Shortly after this my partner and I knew her name instantly, Abby Rose Johnston. Abby meaning “fathers joy”.

At the time it was one of the scariest things I had ever seen, my little girl laying there with a mask on, tubes connected and surrounded by doctors. I remember thinking “it’s okay, she squeezed my finger, she’s going to be okay”

From this point she began to decline and needed more help as she was also developing hydrops. I remember being slowly edged out by doctors and nurses as they began to investigate what was wrong with Abby, the obstetrician called Melbourne and after initial discussions the conclusion was made that she needed to be taken down to the mercy hospital almost immediately. I walked out into the waiting room to tell our families, and right then, that moment, was the first time in my life that I had ever truly and completely just broken.

I will continue the story tomorrow 💙

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