06/11/2026
This morning while doing Milanah’s hair in the bathroom mirror, she asked me why she has one big nostril and one small nostril. Immediately, my mind went back to my tiny little one pound baby in her incubator literally fighting for her life. The flashback was wild.
When she was born I was told she might be too small to even be intubated, that the tubes might not fit. Thankfully they did. But after months of life saving support, there ended up being a small difference between her nostrils.
And leave it to Milanah to notice.
I told her it was because she was a warrior, and that one day she would fully understand exactly what I meant by that. I told her she was absolutely beautiful and that it was part of her story. Everyone has something that makes them unique, and that’s one of hers. On the inside though, I didn’t quite know what to say. Sometimes it’s so surreal being on the other side of it all. Like a strange dream. Yet little pieces of the reality we lived through still remain.
The mother bear in me immediately wanted to ask if someone had commented on it, or if she had simply noticed it herself.
When she asked me about it I was immediately flooded with memories of why, but how would I explain it properly? Because to me, that tiny difference isn’t something I see when I look at her.
I see the most fragile few hundred grams of determination.
I see 132 days of fighting in the NICU, that turned into many more years beyond that
I see a little girl who was never supposed to have it easy and didn’t for a long time, yet somehow has the most beautiful/bright little soul.
What she sees as one nostril being bigger than the other, I see as a reminder of just how hard she fought to be here. I don’t know if she’ll remember asking me that question years from now. But I’ll remember it.
Because for a moment, I wasn’t standing in my bathroom. I was sitting beside an incubator again, watching my tiny baby fight for her life.. And then I looked back at the mirror and saw the same little girl staring back at me. Sometimes that’s when it really hits me how far we’ve come.