Bee.In.Harmony

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Just an AuDHD teacher using somatic activities to provide AFFIRMING and AFFORDABLE care to neurodivergent adults / teens and to help them develop their personal skills
💜🐝♾️

06/05/2026

It's F**k-It Friday!!!

The Hurkle-Durkle is crucial to my wakeup routine;

No, it doesn't necessarily break a bunch of social conventions,

I'm sure there are a lot of people across every neurotype who need to do a hurkle and/or a durkle.

__________________

However,

I specifically NEED at least two hurkles and a durkle

before jumping out of bed to move on with my day

to allow me to switch my brain into top-down processing that will be needed for planning:

- what the rest of my day could look like

- various options and switch-arounds that could happen

- when food and bathroom breaks could potentially happen

- what language engagements I will need to do and therefore sacrifice my mental health for and which opportunities I can seize to actually accommodate myself

- when I will have larger transition times to relax my brain in

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(My AuDHD works like this:

Autism plans out an insane map of possibility and maneuvering;

ADHD selects the option of best fit in the moment throughout the day.

Autism needs 5 - 15 minutes to do that; I've learned to do a less exploratory deep dive, even though I'd prefer a deeper one.)

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Can I function without first doing my hurkle durkle?

I mean I always start on auto-pilot with bottom-up processing,

so my efficiency and safety will be significantly more compromised...

unless the person with me is willing to take over that part of my executive functioning for the whole day,

in which case,

Sure I'll go on a roller coaster of a day I don't have to worry about controlling! 😍🫨🎢🫠

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So how about your wakeup routine?

What do you need to reset yourself?

Does it involve a hurkle durkle?

06/05/2026

Autistic Regression IS a thing Rich!

And you're right, it's so hard to express what exactly it is, what it feels like, to people who just have never experienced it before.

Now I'm going to include the advice I gave to Rich about some potential next steps here, but I also want to point out that Rich has since put out a lot of content -

This video is about 24 weeks old, which half a year makes quite a difference in terms of self-examination and perspective.

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How Long will Autistic Regression take?

There are a few factors:

- did/do you have neuroaffirming support before, during, and after diagnosis?

- did/ do you have any healthy coping mechanisms before diagnosis?

Were they all unhealthy?

Were some of them close to the mark and they just need tweaking?

The reality is that there's no one simple answer,

BUT IN GENERAL,

it can take anywhere from a few months to a few years to regain many lost skills due to autistic regression,

and in many cases there will be at least one skill or more you won't be able to get back ever

because it relied too much on an unhealthy copay mechanism or assimilation...

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..and assimilation is just something you're not capable of.

Not to the same degree.

It's like buying a mattress that comes in a tiny box and once you let the mattress explode out of it,

there's no way you're getting it back in.

Partially maybe, but fully?

Very doubtful.

__________________

So what does this mean for you?

As Rich said, you'll continue to look back at your past and grieve the parts where you just needed someone to understand you...

Continue to reach out to other autistics for support, and you will start to understand more and more of their stories about

the accommodations they seek for themselves,

the support groups they join,

how they engage in healthy coping mechanisms...

And one by one, these will start to make more sense as to how they could have helped you in your past...

And even more importantly how some of them are going to be able to help you in your present and future.

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THAT is the goal over the next 1 to 3 years;

To learn to stop pushing yourself because you WILL push yourself into dire physical health consequences (ask me how I know 😮‍💨),

And to learn what it means to properly

accommodate your needs,

advocate for them,

change your environment,

ask people in your environment to either stay and evolve with your needs,

or to leave so you can make room for other people fine who will be able to accommodate you.

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(This shifting of people can absolutely feel scary and threatening, for you and for the people who experience the cognitive dissonance that comes from seeing you "suddenly behaving differently ".

There's a small comfort that this kind of evolution of your circle is actually normal for ALL for human beings;

some experience it because a person moves;

some go through it because they start a business and their mindsets change...

That's really the big one, mindsets changing;

we end up repelling people who are not in that place we want to be, and we also attract people who are.

It's still a painful process.)

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Is it Possible to NOT autistically regress, to continue masking, to go back into the box?

The short answer:

How much have you opened the box?

How long can you keep the mattress from exploding outward?

And to steal back a question from the incels:

Once you've taken the red pill, can you really go back to taking the blue pill, now that you know what you know?

06/03/2026

Today's Wednesday Affirmations is for the ADHDers and overlaps with other neurodivergents too!

It MAKES SENSE.

It makes sense that your body is telling you to get up and go.

You're not "taking too many bathroom breaks", you're engaging your body in a way that helps your brain feel regulated.

You're not "too distracted to work on your task," your body needs movement in order to focus, and your work station - or the work itself! - isn't meeting that need.

You're not "unfocused," you're bored by the mundanity and

IT MAKES SENSE

that you're struggling to pull yourself to a task that seems illogical, nonsensical, or obsolete.

It makes sense that you have six cups of drinks around you, half-touched. You may have even forgotten they existed because they weren't in a clear cup.

It makes sense that you're feeling disassociated, disconnected;

you're in the middle of the week, and after experiencing the task paralysis of

Monday and not really being able to get started on determining task priority,

Tuesday and feeling like you were able to at least trudge through the muck to figure it out,

now here on Wednesday, it's might be the most productive you've been this week and all you can think about is getting to the end of the day...

where you can FINALLY let your face relax;

IT MAKES SENSE

that your brain and face feel EXHAUSTED - you've been so worried

about not saying the wrong thing impulsively,

about people misinterpreting the first thing out of your head before you say the thing you actually wanted to say,

about trying to hold yourself back from cutting off other people, even if the closest you came was to start making noise and then end the blurt asap or apologize...

For the upteenth time.

It makes sense that you experience just as much fatigue as other people with disabilities...

and it makes sense that you feel so overlooked,

dismissed,

and written off as "just too much energy"...

because it's so much MORE than that.

06/02/2026

"VacCiNeS-"

NO. STOP IT. RIGHT THERE.

The reason why we're still having illogical discussion is because parents of autistic kids are told by the medical community their kids won't be able to live a "normal" life,

and then they see this coincide with a visit to the doctor's office where their sensitive kid is traumatized with needles...

Any time you take a child and put them in a new environment,

there is a period of adjustment and acceptance they have to undergo,

and if you put a highly sensitive nervous system into that environment without understanding what its specific triggers are,

you ARE going to have a dysregulated nervous system on your hands that

LEARNS what an unsafe environment is.

For many kids, that first discomfort is the doctor's office and getting needles.

For others, it will be joining a bustling daycare,

the first time they're not allowed to move from desks,

when they first learn to write and dyspraxia makes itself known,

or when they become overwhelmed with homework for the first time...

People discover they're autistic and/or ADHD

when the environment they are in causes

societal-neurodivergent experiences that

prove to their nervous system they are not in a safe space.

It's Masking Monday!! We're taking a little break in our five-part series here on Unmasking to bring to you an important...
06/01/2026

It's Masking Monday!!

We're taking a little break in our five-part series here on Unmasking to bring to you an important subject close to our hearts:

Masking via Hyperindependence

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"If I don't communicate my needs, I can't be let down when others fail to meet them."

"If I look after everyone else's needs, then maybe I can at least be left alone to my own devices to take care of mine."

"My needs don't matter as much as other people's who are struggling, I can figure this out on my own."

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Many of these phrases have extraordinarily high overlap with trauma

generally attained in childhood

and followed through with insecure attachment styles,

which we can then frequently see repeated in our adult relationships.

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It should come as no surprise that for those of us who have been neurodivergent since birth,

we've experienced these "lessons" as a result of our societal-neurodivergent trauma playing out during formative years.

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We often learned our needs were too big for others to meet,

so it made more sense to hide those needs while simultaneously trying to take care of the needs of those around us,

either because their needs can feel so much more manageable to meet than ours

or because if we take care of those needs we will finally be able to feel like

we can be worthy of the attention or inattention we may be seeking.
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We often learned our abilities were too small,

our ability to assimilate and conform not enough,

so many of us took the approach of withdrawing from the world,

mistaking this to be *only depression when in fact we were unsupported and needed to be fully embraced for who we are:

Not more. Not less. Us.

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Many of us were placed under microscopes,

either praised because of what others say as our gifted abilities,

or shamed because of our perceived inadequacies.

ALL being neurodivergent traits 🙄

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In neuronormative families who don't know about their neurodivergence,

we can see a wide variety of unhealthy coping mechanisms perpetuating the cycle of generational trauma;

Even once we understand the trauma that's been passed along,

reopening it from the angle of neurodivergence allows us to make greater peace with what's happened and with how we want to move forward in the world.

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Truly, that is the great mystery of unmasking; to finally be able to ask ourselves,

"Now that I know everything that I need to know...

about my needs,

about my trauma,

about my family's trauma...

Now that I've had the shroud removed from my eyes and I understand everything that's been at play...

How do I move through the world now?"

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Some neurodivergents will try to put themselves back into the box,

pretending that they can maintain the hyperindependent levels they once had.

For those who don't dive too deeply, this may be doable for some time.

The physical and mental health consequences remain unavoidable for the long-term.

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Most can't put themselves back in the box the same way,

and yet because of their circumstances they need to somehow push onward.

Many of these neurodivergents will find a way to mask and combine this with coping strategies,

however unhealthy or healthy they may be.

The healthier the coping mechanism and the more neuroaffirming the strategy,

the more sustainable their life becomes and the less likely they are to experience those negative consequences.

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Some will realize they can't put themselves back in the box at all,

and they undergo an incredibly large lifestyle change.

Most will find this incredibly difficult and recognize what it means to truly be disabled.

Some will struggle with the emotional consequences.

For many, it will be too little too late in the sense that they have burnt themselves out so incredibly hard for so incredibly long

that these drastic measures are no longer optional,

And that they will suffer the physical and mental health consequences they have accumulated until this point as a result of such high masking practices for such a long period of time.

Many will find greater relief after having done this, accepting that they have traded one Hard for another.

Some may struggle with the internalized ableism they've had their entire lives and will now need to rewire for their emotional well-being

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No one escapes unscathed, and for those who developed hyperindependence,

Only they can say for themselves how much removing that hyperindependence to move towards interdependence will be a part of their process.

A friendly reminder to folks: We are NOT a safe space for bigotry; Ableism; Racism;SEXISM😘GO PRIDE!!!!
06/01/2026

A friendly reminder to folks:

We are NOT a safe space for bigotry;

Ableism;
Racism;
SEXISM

😘

GO PRIDE!!!!

"Bee, if you wanted a person to check whether or not ableism against autism lives in their head, what would you send the...
05/31/2026

"Bee, if you wanted a person to check whether or not ableism against autism lives in their head, what would you send them?"

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London, ON

Opening Hours

Monday 11am - 4pm
Tuesday 11am - 4pm
Wednesday 11am - 4pm
Thursday 11am - 4pm
Sunday 11am - 4pm

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