Healing the Loss

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Healing the Loss Grief can feel isolating. I offer compassionate support, practical tools, and education to help you navigate loss and integrate its impact into your life.

Support • Navigation • Education I made this page to be a gentle and compassionate place for people who are going through loss of any kind. I will share other pages and writers whose thoughts and experiences resonate with me, and hopefully with you. www.healingtheloss.com

04/06/2026

"Kinder"

31/05/2026

Grief is Not a MentaIllness

Prolonged grief is now is “disorder” according to "self proclaimed experts".

That means if, after 6-12 months, you are feeling “functionally impaired” or excessive guilt or (in particular this next symptom catalyzes the disorder), you still long for the person who died (amongst other symptoms), then you could be diagnosed with this mental illness.

Remember a time when your grief was judged by someone; your very valid feelings of anguish dismissed as excessive?

Please know that you don’t have to internalize these messages if, as Walt Whitman says, they insult your soul.

The broken heart holds a wisdom all it’s own, painful as tragic loss can be. I will not see my grief through the lens of those who have never felt it. You don’t have to either.

If a provider dared to tell me I was mentally unwell because I still miss and long for and grieve for my daughter 29 years after her death, I’d tell that person that he or she or they are emotional colonizers and walk away.

It’s so easy to judge those who have suffered traumatic losses from the sidelines, especially when big profits of the future are calling. No effing thanks.
-
Ahimsa,
Dr Jo
Artist Credit: Unknown via Pinterest

27/05/2026

Hello. Hope you’re ok wherever you are. It’s been so hot here I melted.

23/05/2026

Sometimes in life, there are situations that leave us lost for words. Times when we don’t know how to respond and don’t know what to say to others.

Times when we’re scared to acknowledge the obvious because we don’t want to upset people.
And yet...

Our grief is never lessened because someone pretends that it isn’t there.
Our sadness never ups and leaves because someone skirts around it.
And our worry does not dissipate because someone acts as if it’s invisible.

And whilst there is something to be said for perspective and distraction,
there is also something to be said for someone holding your hand and saying “I’m sorry this is happening. It’s ok if you need to cry.”

Sometimes we just need someone to acknowledge what we’re feeling.
Otherwise it’s like seeing a huge, grey cloud overhead and everyone saying, “look how blue the sky is!”
It doesn’t make us feel better. It actually makes us feel like we have to hide. Like we have to ignore what we feel. Like we have to pretend.

There is no point in pretending the sky is always blue because in reality, sometimes it is grey. Sometimes the clouds fill with rain until they simply can’t contain it anymore.
And no one pretends they’re not heavy. No one avoids telling them they’re grey. Because it would be futile.

Instead, we look up at the sky and we say, “it looks like rain”.
Because acknowledging the rain doesn’t make it worse. It actually makes us better equipped for it. It actually means that, instead of drowning, we put on our coats, and we prepare for the downpour.
And we listen to the rain.

But we do it together.

Under the same umbrella.

*****

Becky Hemsley 2024
Gorgeous artwork by Brigitte Stemer

'It Looks Like Rain' is a poem from Words to Remember: https://amzn.to/3RCenho
(affiliate link)

22/05/2026

"Not understanding grief isn’t the problem ... judging it is"

There’s a strange expectation that grief should… fade.
Soften.
Shrink.
Become something easier for other people to be around.
Very convenient idea.
Because it makes everyone else more comfortable.
But grief doesn’t work like that.
It doesn’t follow timelines.
It doesn’t respond to pressure.
And it definitely doesn’t disappear just because time passed.
Loss is permanent.
So the missing?
Also permanent.
And somehow, the people who don’t understand that are often the ones with the most opinions.
“Still?”
“Isn’t it getting easier?”
“Don’t you think it’s time…?”
Very bold commentary from people who have never lived it.
Because when you’ve actually lost someone you love… you don’t “move on.”
You move forward while carrying it.
Every day.
In every situation.
In ways most people will never see.
So if you don’t understand?
Good.
I wouldn’t wish this understanding on anyone.
But don’t turn that distance into judgment.
Not understanding grief is a privilege — acting like an expert is a choice.
- .grief
Artist Credit: Noted on artwork via Pinterest

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