01/05/2025
A few days (weeks?) late, but…
When I was a kid, I LOVED Christmas. I have so many happy memories of singing carols at the piano, the fireplace crackling; of snow falling down in big white chunks as we tobogganed in the local park; of hot chocolate and Christmas movies that we had seen dozens of times. I remember a sense of togetherness, of family, of being with the people I love. And I used to believe that, one day, I’d have that picture-perfect scene in my own home. You know the one: the husband, the two or three kids, the big extended family of in-laws.
I don’t think many of us anticipate becoming single parents, and when we do, I don’t think we anticipate just how hard the holidays can be. And while I spent lots of lovely time with my family throughout December - a privilege that I am so thankful for - I spent a lot of time alone, too.
“A day is a just a day!” People said to me. Why does it matter if I spent Christmas Eve alone, or if my son wasn’t with me on Christmas morning? I told myself those things again and again, willing them to sink in.
An idea I’ve embraced a lot over the past year is that two things can be true. A day can be just a day, and I can have a wonderful Christmas celebration with my son on December 26th, and I can be overwhelmed with gratitude at the love I have in my life. But I can also be sad that I wasn’t with him on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, and mourn the loss of that dream I used to have about the “picture-perfect” family with a partner and our kids.
This holiday season taught me a lot. And when I let that image go - the one I thought holidays were “supposed” to look like - there’s a lot more room for me to embrace what I have right in front of me. I have an amazing group of family and friends, a life I love. And I have my boy, my beautiful, precious boy, whom I did indeed spend December 26th with: singing carols at the piano, drinking hot chocolate, watching Christmas movies, the snow falling down in big white chunks. And that sounds pretty perfect to me ✨
Here’s to everyone whose holiday season looked a little different this year, whether it was spent alone, co-parenting, grieving a loss, or otherwise ❤️