19/09/2026
I was sitting on a small wooden log during a private ayahuasca ceremony, watching the fire draw angelic figures in its flames, feeling the warmth of the air caress my face, while the river brought me a constant and intense sound. The sky opened up with the constellations, and the Great Bear became visible with her cub. It felt like a magic spell, where everything was perfectly synchronized with what I was feeling inside.
The sensations in my stomach became increasingly clear, and the contractions that made me want to vomit, accompanied by a sweet dizziness, showed me the feelings I had kept stuck in my throat for a long time: a stifled cry, an unspoken word, an unexpressed sigh, a feeling of loneliness, and a strong desire for companionship, to be hugged, to be held. The feeling of disappearing if no one sees me.
Then someone appears, offers me a delicious perfume, smiles at me, and asks, "How are you?" Then everything changes, my heart calms down, and the stifled weeping turns into sweet words and gratitude.
It feels good to be alive in private Ayahuasca ceremonies. Feeling held and supported brings about a deep relaxation and the disappearance of all fear. Feelings of aversion are transformed into harmony. Then the purging arrives, manifesting as a relief, stimulated by the sweet and intoxicating aromas that permeate to the bone, cleansing, transmuting, and purifying.
In private ayahuasca ceremonies, letting go of control feels good, because there is someone waiting for me on the other side of the abyss: a respectful, warm, and loving gaze; a friendly hand ready to hold me, and a wise word that tells me: "You are doing very well, it was about time. You can move forward, advance on your path, new flowers will bloom, and everything will change. Embrace the learning; you are learning. There are no mistakes, only lessons. Thank you for learning."
Those words move me deeply and I feel them within me. I am here to learn. There is nothing wrong with me. I am an eternal apprentice and I am sure that I am doing the best I can.
Faith takes root in me and compassion allows me to forgive myself for the time I squandered life's gifts. Now I see the universe as immensely beautiful and enriching, full of gifts. I see the love of my parents, of my family; I see the joy in my grandparents' laughter; I see the innocence and tenderness in the children around me; I see the art, the curiosity, the mischief, and I remember the beauty of being a child and being innocent, only this time with a little maturity. I trust in life and I smile.
I feel good inhabiting this body, in these private Ayahuasca ceremonies. I have been able to surrender myself completely to the sensations, in every breath, and this has taken me on a journey of self-discovery. I opened the door to my inner being, and within it, the mysteries have been revealed. I am light, and I remember my origin in the stars.
Within me resides an immanent fire in my heart: it never extinguishes, it warms and does not burn. It is like the light of an eternal flame, bright and vibrant, that infinitely nourishes every corner of my soul. I am eternal.
I discovered that life is a sweet enchantment. In private ayahuasca ceremonies, the most beautiful things are revealed before my eyes: the flight of the hummingbird, the song of the sparrow, the shapes of the butterflies, the stripes of the tiger, the cunning of the boa, the gaze of the eagle and the condor from high above, the song of the toad, the cricket, the cuckoo... All of this fills me with an enchantment that helps me to live, to fall in love with everything that surrounds me: the freshness of the rain, the darkness of the earth, the strength of the wind, and the warmth of the sun. The sap of the earth, and every plant, tree, flower, and bush bewitch me with their exuberant and exquisite beauty: the rainbow and the people of all races and tribes. Everything is a sweet enchantment.
I let myself be carried away by each vision and I feel the love for life, which is the same love for humanity. I recognize myself as sensitive, vulnerable, I open my heart to love and I accept the risk of also feeling pain.
I understand, in private ayahuasca ceremonies, that loving is a state of grace in which we are all part of the universe and are sons and daughters of life, of the light, of the sun, and of the earth. Loving is a state of divine order in which I recognize myself to be as essential as a grain of sand, a raindrop, or a star in this eternity. With that understanding, something inside me becomes complete, settles, feels right. Something that tells me that happiness has arrived in my life, and it is in this state of peace where I can be one with all creation.
Author: Mercedes Andino