PookyH

02/06/2026

𝗔𝗹𝗲𝘅𝗶𝘁𝗵𝘆𝗺𝗶𝗮 𝗶𝘀𝗻’𝘁 𝗲𝗺𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝗮𝘃𝗼𝗶𝗱𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲. 𝗜𝘁’𝘀 𝗮 𝗴𝗲𝗻𝘂𝗶𝗻𝗲 𝗱𝗶𝘀𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗻𝗲𝗰𝘁 𝗯𝗲𝘁𝘄𝗲𝗲𝗻 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗻𝗮𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗴.

About half of autistic people experience alexithymia, though it shows up across other neurotypes too. The feeling is there, sometimes overwhelmingly so, but the part of the brain that puts words to it can’t quite make the translation.

The trouble is that most people assume naming an emotion is automatic. So when someone can’t, it gets read as shutting down, or being difficult, or refusing to engage. But asking someone with alexithymia « what are you feeling? » is like asking them to name a colour they can see clearly and have no word for.

The body often knows before the mind catches up. That tightness in the chest, the heaviness, the buzzing under the skin: those are the clearest signals available. Once you know that, you can stop hearing a vague answer as resistance and start hearing it as information.

𝗤𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸 𝗯𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿:
  • « What’s happening in your body right now? »
  • « Is this feeling bigger or smaller than it was earlier? »
  • « If it had a temperature or a texture, what would it be? »

They sidestep the vocabulary gap and head straight for what’s reachable.

𝗪𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗽 𝘄𝗮𝗶𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗿𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗱, 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗳𝗶𝗻𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗿𝘁.

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02/06/2026

𝗦𝗼𝗺𝗲 𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗱𝗿𝗲𝗻 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗿𝗿𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝘀𝗼 𝗼𝗳𝘁𝗲𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗯𝘆 𝗯𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗸 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆'𝘃𝗲 𝗮𝗹𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝘆 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗱 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗴𝗲𝘁 𝘄𝗿𝗼𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝗻 𝗺𝗼𝘀𝘁 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗿 𝗶𝗻 𝗮 𝗱𝗮𝘆.

The coat on the floor, the voice that's too loud, the feet on the chair, the way they came through the door. By the time you actually need them to listen, they feel like you've spent the whole morning telling them off.

When correction keeps bouncing off the same child, the instinct is to be firmer and clearer. But every correction is a small withdrawal from your relationship with that child, and a child who is corrected all day is usually running an overdraft before you've opened your mouth.

Correcting harder only confirms what they already suspect, that you are one more adult who notices what they get wrong.

𝗔 𝗯𝗿𝗮𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗱𝗼𝗲𝘀𝗻'𝘁 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹 𝘀𝗮𝗳𝗲 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗰𝗮𝗻'𝘁 𝘁𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗶𝗻 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂'𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗲𝗹𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗶𝘁.
Correction from an adult a child trusts is useful information. Correction from an adult they don't trust reads as one more attack and a brain that feels under attack isn't learning, it's defending.

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗴𝗼𝗼𝗱 𝗻𝗲𝘄𝘀 𝗶𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝗽𝗮𝗶𝗿 𝗶𝘀 𝗰𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗽.
Connection isn't a programme you haven't got time for. It's tiny, frequent deposits, thirty seconds at a time, several times a day. A few that cost almost nothing:

𝟭. 𝗚𝗿𝗲𝗲𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺 𝗯𝗲𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆'𝘃𝗲 𝗱𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝘆𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮𝘁 𝗮𝗹𝗹.
Most of the attention a corrected child gets is for getting something wrong. This is attention that isn't.

𝟮. 𝗔𝘀𝗸 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗲𝗱 𝘆𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗱𝗮𝘆.
It shows them you hold them in mind when they're not in front of you.

𝟯. 𝗚𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗿𝘁𝘆 𝘀𝗲𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗱𝘀 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗻𝗼 𝗱𝗲𝗺𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗮𝘁𝘁𝗮𝗰𝗵𝗲𝗱.
Almost every interaction a child has with an adult asks something of them. For a demand-avoidant child especially, a demand-free moment is special.

And do it before you need it. The moment you most need a child to trust you is the worst time to start earning it. You can't open the account in a crisis. The relationship that holds when things fall apart is the one you built on ordinary days.

𝗡𝗼 𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗱 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝗰𝗼𝗿𝗿𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗼 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘀𝗮𝗳𝗲.

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31/05/2026

𝗔 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗱 𝗳𝘂𝗹𝗹 𝗼𝗳 𝗱𝗮𝘆𝘀 𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗳𝗮𝗺𝗶𝗹𝘆 𝗺𝗲𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗶𝗲𝘀 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗺𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂'𝘃𝗲 𝗹𝗲𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗱 𝗱𝗼𝘄𝗻.

If your half term was quieter than that, you haven't. Yours might have been spent at home, curled up, recovering. No big trips. Just a child who needed quiet, and a parent who gave it to them.

For a lot of neurodivergent children, the school term takes everything they have. They hold it together all day, every day, and the holidays are when the holding finally stops. That can look like sleeping in late,unable to join plans, big feelings, or wanting you close and not much else. It isn't them being difficult. It's them recovering from the effort of getting through.

Meeting that need is real parenting. It doesn't come with a bucket and spade or a trip to Disneyland, and it rarely makes it onto anyone's feed. But giving your child what they actually needed, rather than the holiday you thought you were meant to deliver, is one of the kindest things you can do.

The same goes for the grown-ups. Plenty of neurodivergent adults will have spent this half term recovering too, not making memories, just getting their feet back under them after a long stretch of holding it all together. That counts. You don't owe anyone a highlight reel.
A half term spent recovering isn't wasted. For your child, or for you.

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28/05/2026

𝗖𝗮𝗹𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳 𝗹𝗮𝘇𝘆 𝗶𝘀 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝘀𝘁 𝗮𝗰𝗰𝘂𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝘀𝗮𝘆.

The unanswered email, the form that needs two lines and a signature, the washing up that's been there long enough to evolve. From the outside it reads as not bothering. Inside, you've often spent the day doing things far harder than the dishes.

𝗙𝗼𝗿 𝗮 𝗹𝗼𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝗻𝗲𝘂𝗿𝗼𝗱𝗶𝘃𝗲𝗿𝗴𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗯𝗿𝗮𝗶𝗻𝘀, 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗯𝗹𝗲𝗺 𝗶𝘀𝗻'𝘁 𝗲𝗳𝗳𝗼𝗿𝘁. 𝗜𝘁'𝘀 𝗳𝘂𝗲𝗹.
A lot of this comes down to dopamine. Not the version from the wellness internet, just the brain chemical that tells you something is worth doing right now. For many neurodivergent brains, especially ADHD ones, that signal stays quiet for tasks that are dull, low-stakes, or a long way off. The job isn't hard. It just doesn't register as worth acting on, so the start button won't press.

𝗙𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 𝘄𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘀𝗶𝗴𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝘂𝗽: 𝘂𝗿𝗴𝗲𝗻𝗰𝘆, 𝗻𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗹𝘁𝘆, 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘁, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗹𝗹𝗲𝗻𝗴𝗲. It's why a looming deadline or a problem interesting enough to chew on can make action feel effortless when "ring the dentist" couldn't get off the ground for a fortnight. Same person, same day. The chemistry was flat for one and flooded for the other.

So when you finally do the thing in a last-minute panic, that isn't proof you could have done it all along if you'd cared more. It's proof the urgency arrived and gave your brain the signal it had been waiting for.

Please share this if it would help someone stop calling themselves lazy.

26/05/2026

𝗪𝗲𝗯𝗶𝗻𝗮𝗿 𝘁𝗼𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗿𝗼𝘄: 𝗡𝗲𝘂𝗿𝗼𝗱𝗶𝘃𝗲𝗿𝗴𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗕𝘂𝗿𝗻𝗼𝘂𝘁
Practical strategies for parents, carers and professionals supporting a neurodivergent child through burnout, with ideas for neurodivergent adults too.

Wednesday 27th May, 7pm.
45 mins content + extended Q&A.
Everyone who registers gets the recording.

Book here: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/1985118269181?aff=oddtdtcreator

Please share

Practical strategies for parents, carers and professionals supporting a neurodivergent child through burnout (+ ideas for ND adults)

20/05/2026

This is out next month and available for pre order now. On first glance looks fantastic and I loved ’s last book so excited for this one. 20% discount with code POOKY20 - on this and all books.

What have you read lately that you’d recommend?

18/05/2026

𝗦𝗼𝗺𝗲 𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗱𝗿𝗲𝗻 𝗴𝗼 𝗾𝘂𝗶𝗲𝘁 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘄𝗲'𝗿𝗲 𝗳𝘂𝗹𝗹 𝗼𝗳 𝗽𝗿𝗮𝗶𝘀𝗲.
You give them a sticker and they look at their feet. You tell them they've done brilliantly and the rest of the day falls apart. You put their name on the board and they shut down.

If you work in a school, you've seen this. A child who responds to a reward the opposite way to how the system expected. We tend to read it as ingratitude, awkwardness, or attention-seeking. It's none of those things.

𝗙𝗼𝗿 𝗺𝗮𝗻𝘆 𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗱𝗿𝗲𝗻, 𝗿𝗲𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗱𝘀 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗽𝗿𝗮𝗶𝘀𝗲 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘂𝗻𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗽𝗹𝗶𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱.
They feel good, they motivate, they build connection. For some children, something else is happening underneath, and it's worth understanding what.

For a child whose nervous system is already on alert, praise can feel like pressure to keep performing. A reward becomes something they could lose. A spotlight becomes another thing to manage on top of everything else. For a child with a demand-avoidant profile, "you did brilliantly" can land as an instruction to do it again. They hear the demand before the warmth.

You'll notice this most often in anxious children, autistic children, children with a PDA profile, children carrying trauma. Not all of them, not all the time, but often enough that it's worth recognising the pattern when it shows up.

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗳𝘁 𝗶𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗽 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗰𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗱𝗿𝗲𝗻. 𝗜𝘁'𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗰𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺 𝗱𝗶𝗳𝗳𝗲𝗿𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗹𝘆.

𝗤𝘂𝗶𝗲𝘁𝗹𝘆, 𝗮𝘄𝗮𝘆 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗱𝗿𝗲𝗻.
Public attention is hard on a nervous system that reads being watched as a threat, even when the watching is kind.

𝗕𝗲𝘀𝗶𝗱𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺, 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗶𝗻 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗻𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺.
Side-by-side feels safer than face-to-face when a child is already braced for evaluation.

𝗗𝗲𝘀𝗰𝗿𝗶𝗯𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘀𝗮𝘄, 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝗴𝗼𝗼𝗱 𝗶𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝘀.
"You stayed at your desk" gives them information they can use. "Well done" asks them to receive an evaluation, which is harder than it sounds.

𝗧𝗲𝗹𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮 𝗽𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗿, 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗶𝘁 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹𝘀 𝘀𝗮𝗳𝗲𝗿.
Some children can receive praise at home that they can't bear at school. Both still count.

𝗟𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺 𝘄𝗮𝗹𝗸 𝗮𝘄𝗮𝘆 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗼 𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗽𝗼𝗻𝗱.
Praise often comes with an unspoken demand to react gratefully. Removing that demand is a gift.

𝗔𝘀𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗱 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗮𝗰𝘁𝘂𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹𝘀 𝗴𝗼𝗼𝗱.
Sometimes the answer is "please don't do it in front of everyone." Sometimes it's "tell my mum." Sometimes the answer surprises us.

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𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸𝘀 𝗯𝗲𝘀𝘁 𝗶𝘀 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘀𝗮𝗳𝗲 𝗲𝗻𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵 𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝗲 𝘀𝗲𝗲𝗻.
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Please share this if you want to help more people understand.

16/05/2026

Had to hop off the tandem to share this little bit of joy with you. I hope it makes you go wow like it did me, and that you enjoy spotting it for yourself (and sharing the joy) now you know.

I would love to hear your other nature nuggets that have made you smile please…

Have a lovely weekend x x x

15/05/2026

𝗧𝗵𝗲𝘀𝗲 𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗻'𝘁 𝘁𝗿𝗶𝗰𝗸𝘀. 𝗧𝗵𝗲𝘆'𝗿𝗲 𝗮 𝗱𝗶𝗳𝗳𝗲𝗿𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝘆 𝗶𝗻 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘂𝘀𝘂𝗮𝗹 𝘄𝗮𝘆 𝗶𝘀𝗻'𝘁 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴.

For someone with a demand avoidant profile, ordinary instructions can feel like a threat. The nervous system reacts to perceived demands before the words are even processed. What looks like defiance is usually a genuine fight, flight, or freeze response to feeling controlled.

This happens at home and it happens in classrooms. The trigger isn't the person giving the instruction. It's the instruction itself.

The swap is small but the principle behind it matters: remove yourself as the source of demand and share information instead.

𝗔 𝗳𝗲𝘄 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗿𝘆:
• "Time for bed" becomes "I'm heading upstairs."
• "Come and sit down" becomes "I'm sitting down to work."
• "Tidy up please" becomes "I'm starting on this corner."
• "Stop crying" becomes "It's okay to feel this."
• "What's wrong?" becomes "I'm here."

These won't all work every time. Some days the tank is empty and no phrase, however gentle, will do the job. That isn't anyone getting it wrong. That's a human nervous system having a human day.

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗮𝗶𝗺 𝗶𝘀𝗻'𝘁 𝗮 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗽𝗹𝗶𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗱. 𝗜𝘁'𝘀 𝗮 𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗱 𝘄𝗵𝗼𝘀𝗲 𝗻𝗲𝗿𝘃𝗼𝘂𝘀 𝘀𝘆𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗺 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹𝘀 𝘀𝗮𝗳𝗲 𝗲𝗻𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵 𝘁𝗼 𝗲𝗻𝗴𝗮𝗴𝗲.

The full guide has phrase swaps for mornings, transitions, mealtimes, homework, bedtime, big feelings and shutdown, written for parents and education staff.

Free on my Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/posts/resource-pda-158165605

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14/05/2026

𝗣𝗗𝗔: 𝗶𝘁’𝘀 𝗼𝗳𝘁𝗲𝗻 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘁𝗮𝘀𝗸 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁’𝘀 𝗶𝗺𝗽𝗼𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗯𝗹𝗲. 𝗜𝘁’𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝗼𝗰𝗶𝗮𝗹 𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘀𝘂𝗿𝗲 𝘄𝗿𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗲𝗱 𝗮𝗿𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱 𝗶𝘁.
For a demand avoidant brain, being told to do something can register as a threat to autonomy, even when the task itself is fine. What looks like refusal is often a panic response to the demand, not the doing.

Take the social pressure out and the same task often becomes possible.

𝗜𝗻𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗺𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗶𝗻𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗮𝗱 𝗼𝗳 𝗶𝗻𝘀𝘁𝗿𝘂𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻.
‘There’s ten minutes left of the lesson’ rather than ´you need to finish now.´ ´Pickup’s at three´rather than ´be ready by three.´Give the facts and trust the person to act.

𝗟𝗲𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗲 𝗺𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗮𝘀𝗸.
A checklist on the fridge, instructions on the board, a text message rather than a verbal request. The demand stops being a person leaning on them.

𝗪𝗮𝗹𝗸 𝗮𝘄𝗮𝘆.
A surprising number of children can do the thing the moment no one’s watching. Set it up, say what you need to once, then move away. The audience often IS the demand.

𝗚𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘀𝗽𝗮𝗰𝗲.
Most demands carry an invisible ´now.´ Loosen it. ´Sometime before lunch’ rather than ´right now.´ Knowing they get to choose the moment is sometimes what makes the task possible at all.

𝗠𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗶𝘁 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝗶𝘁𝘂𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻, 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂.
´The fire alarm means we all have to leave´rather than ´I need you to leave.´ You’re on the same team, both responding to something external.

This isn’t about sneaking demands past anyone. The outcome still matters. What changes is how you get there. You’re removing the layer that’s causing the distress, not pretending the task doesn’t exist.

It won’t always work. PDA is variable. But these are good places to start when the usual