Victoria Cumberlege Narcissistic Abuse Specialist

03/07/2026

One of the most common things I hear from women is:
“It wasn’t that bad.”
They’ll describe years of criticism, emotional neglect, unpredictable behaviour, or never feeling good enough. Then, almost as an afterthought, they’ll say:
“But other people had it much worse.”
If this sounds familiar, you are definitely not alone!

Children who grow up with narcissistic or emotionally immature parents often learn to minimise their own experiences. It’s an understandable adaptation. When your reality is repeatedly dismissed, questioned or ignored, you begin to doubt your own perceptions.

Many people carry this into adulthood.
They struggle to recognise the impact their upbringing has had on their confidence, relationships, boundaries and sense of self because they’ve become so accustomed to minimising their own pain.
Recognising what happened is not about blaming your parents or comparing your childhood with someone else’s.
It’s about understanding yourself with greater clarity and compassion.

If you’re finding it difficult to make sense of your experiences, therapy in person or via zoom with me can provide a safe place to explore them at your own pace.

12/03/2026

🌿 The word TRAUMA comes from the Latin word, “wound.” Whilst we often associate trauma with physical injuries, like those from car accidents or war, trauma is much more than that. It’s not just about what happened to you, it’s about what happens INSIDE you during and after that event.

🌿 When we experience something deeply distressing, it leaves a mark not just on our minds but on our bodies as well. Trauma lodges itself in the body, around the fascia of our muscles and the parts of the brain that cannot be reached through talk alone. This is why simply discussing your trauma with a counsellor (who does not do trauma work) or to receive CBT might not lead to the healing you need and deserve. Indeed talking about your trauma can just re-traumatise you!

🌿 You might find yourself stuck, unable to move forward, and end up blaming yourself for not being able to 'just get over it.' The inner critic can then become very loud.

🌿 But here’s the good news: modern trauma therapies go way beyond traditional talk therapy. These approaches are designed to help you process and release the trauma stored in your body AND the deeper parts of your brain.

🌿 I’m trained in many of these innovative methods, and they can help you truly move on - to have a life free of flashbacks, an unregulated nervous system and constant hyper-vigilance.

🌿 Remember, healing from trauma isn’t just about revisiting the past, it’s about transforming it, so you can live fully in the present!

23/10/2025

🌿 Did you know that after trauma and long term anxiety the middle ear can become effected? The middle ears' muscles slacken or 'lose tone'.

🌿 This means that the individual then hears higher and lower tones which can mean 'DANGER ⚠️' to the nervous system!

🌿 The Safe and Sound Protocol is a gentle, evidence-based listening program designed to help calm the nervous system - it was created by Dr. Stephen Porges and based on the Polyvagal Theory.

🌿 SSP uses specially filtered music to help your body feel safe — retraining and re-toning your nervous system to shift out of survival mode and into connection and calm. Over time, this process can help:

Ease symptoms of anxiety and depression
Support recovery from trauma
Improve emotional regulation, focus, and social engagement

🌿 When your nervous system feels calm and supported, true emotional healing becomes possible 😀!

🌿 I incorporate SSP into my therapy programs for clients healing from complex trauma, anxiety, and depression - helping them reconnect to their sense of safety, balance, and resilience.

🌿 If this sounds like something that might support you, I’d love to chat more about how it works.

23/10/2025

🌿 Did you know that after trauma and long term anxiety the middle ear can become effected? The middle ears’ muscles slacken or ‘lose tone’.

🌿 This means that the individual then hears higher and lower tones which can mean ‘DANGER ⚠️’ to the nervous system!

🌿 The Safe and Sound Protocol is a gentle, evidence-based listening program designed to help calm the nervous system - it was created by Dr. Stephen Porges and based on the Polyvagal Theory.

🌿 SSP uses specially filtered music to help your body feel safe — retraining and re-toning your nervous system to shift out of survival mode and into connection and calm. Over time, this process can help:

Ease symptoms of anxiety and depression
Support recovery from trauma
Improve emotional regulation, focus, and social engagement

🌿 When your nervous system feels calm and supported, true emotional healing becomes possible 😀!

🌿 I incorporate SSP into my therapy programs for clients healing from complex trauma, anxiety, and depression - helping them reconnect to their sense of safety, balance, and resilience.

🌿 If this sounds like something that might support you, I’d love to chat more about how it works.

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29/08/2025

🍀 Emotional neglect is a hidden hurt. It doesn’t leave obvious scars—it hides behind what LOOKS like a normal life. You may have had food, shelter, and schooling, yet still missed the emotional care you needed.

🍀Because it’s invisible, emotional neglect often goes unnoticed. It can show up in subtle ways—like always depending on yourself, striving for perfection, or struggling to express feelings, or find it hard to ask for help. Perhaps you get triggered when you are not seen or heard. Our culture’s focus on success and busyness makes it easy to overlook these signs.

🍀Recognising that the emotional neglect we received, through no fault of our own, helps us see that what feels like “just who we are” may actually be old survival patterns. Healing means giving ourselves the love and support we once missed. It’s a chance to reconnect with ourselves, find our values and strengths, who our authentic self is, and build deeper, healthier bonds with others.

🍀Do send a dm if you would like help with this?

28/08/2024

17/04/2023

🍀 When you feel anxious and you look around you and you can see you’re not in any imminent threat to your safety, then your anxiety is most likely an alarm from the younger you!

🍀 Our nervous system is like a recording of our feelings since we were tiny. If we FELT something that was uncomfortable/scary/diminishing or made you feel ‘less than’ when you were young, then the nervous system remembers it. However, it’ll remember it as DANGER because it was unpleasant.

🍀 So whenever you feel that same emotion as an adult the body goes into a trauma vortex to alert you to the danger. All this can be done without you consciously knowing what those old feelings were.

🍀 If you need help to find out what your system perceives as danger, do get in contact!

🍀 Healing from anxiety is absolutely possible!