SEND HUGS

02/11/2026

I was bowled over once again today by the difference that it makes to have a child in the right school.

My son didn't leap out of bed with enthusiasm when the alarm went off this morning - he snuggled closer under the covers and kept his eyes firmly shut.

Before half term, we were told that there was going to be a small reshuffle of the Year 7 classes and that a few children would be changing classes. We knew he was staying put, but didn't know how many in his class might be moving, who was going and who might be coming in from other classes.

He was nervous last night, anticipating a change to something unknown, and it took him a long time to fall asleep.

BUT...

He's happy. He's made friends. He knows his teachers, he knows his routines, and when he has a problem, he knows who he can go to.

At primary school, a big unknown factor like this would have completely thrown him, and he would have cried, clung to me, and maybe had a full-on panic attack if something like this had happened.

As it was, he was a bit more passive about getting dressed and needed a bit more help from me.

He did a little bit more vocal stimming than usual.

He asked me to park up and walk him to the gate rather than just let him out of the car and drive off - but we were still several feet from the gate when he waved at me and ran inside.

When it took 99% of his battery just to get through a normal day, anything extra pushed him over the edge and made the day impossible.

Now that his school day takes less out of him, he has more capacity for surprises, changes and other hard things. We're seeing little shoots of growth, and he hasn't had a major meltdown for weeks.

Having eaten essentially the same packed lunch every day for years, suddenly a couple of weeks before half term, he asked if he could have school lunches. This is huge for a child who can tell the difference between different supermarket brands of the same pasta sauce (and reject the wrong one).

That's what the right environment can do. It creates a quiet little revolution and increases a child's capacity to cope.

It's not hard things that build resilience - it's having enough breathing space to be able to bounce.

01/11/2026

Just before his 9th birthday, my son said to me, "Mummy, I know my friends like birthday parties, so can you please arrange a party and invite my friends, but don't invite me?"

Fast forward three years, and yesterday we invited one of his friends-in-his-phone over for the afternoon. They had great fun playing computer games for an hour or two, then asked if they could go out and climb trees. When they came back, they asked if they could walk the dog, and my husband took them out with the dog to a favourite haunt where they climbed some more trees.

In the evening, the friend's parents and brother came over. They all went out trick or treating, then we ate one of my son's favourite meals and the boys played together until late.

I'm so happy that my son has this friend. They've known each other since Reception, and his friend really gets him.

He brought a present wrapped in a clear plastic bag, having explained to his mother that my son doesn't like surprises and the pressure of opening wrapped presents in front of people.

When the candles were lit on the birthday cake, nobody tried to sing happy birthday, and there was no cheering and clapping when he blew them out. Nor did anyone complain about him carefully blowing out the candles one by one so that his sister wouldn't complain about him spraying germs all over the cake.

His sister had her own Hallowe'en celebration with a couple of friends in the next room. She had a great time, and it took the pressure off the little birthday celebration - she likes to make plans and celebrate things "properly", so had a great time planning her costume, carving pumpkins and trick or treating with her friends, before they settled down with pizza and a film.

I used to want birthday celebrations to be "perfect". I organised parties every year until I realised how much my son hated them.

What I've realised now is that if it's a day when he's happy and enjoying himself, it's the perfect celebration even if it doesn't look like other people's.

And by that measure, yesterday was perfect.

01/11/2026

SEND HUGS is 2 today, and what a two years it’s been! Thank you to all my followers, old and new, for all your support. 🙏🤗🥳

31/10/2026

Today is my son's birthday. My daughter made him a cake last night, and insisted on being given all his presents so she could wrap them for him.

It's moments like this that I really treasure.

30/10/2026

We have heard today that the petition to protect the legal right to support for children with SEND is going to be debated in Parliament on 30 November.

This issue concerns all families, not just those of children with SEND. If children's needs are not being met properly and they are forced into the wrong setting with insufficient support, this will affect all the children in their class, if only because the class teacher needs to devote more of their time to the child who is struggling.

So, what are the legal rights at stake here?

At the moment, a child has a right to an assessment of their individual needs if the local authority is of the opinion that the child has or may have special educational needs and that it may be necessary for special educational provision to be made for them under an EHCP.

If the LA refuses to assess a child's needs, the parents can appeal to the SEND tribunal.

Following a thorough needs assessment, the LA decides whether to issue an EHCP - again, parents have a right of appeal if they refuse to do so.

An EHCP is a legal document which sets out the individual needs of the child and the provision which is required to meet those needs. When it has been drafted, the parents have the right to check the draft and ensure that the recommendations of all of the professionals involved in assessing their child have been incorporated. If they have not, the parents can appeal the content.

Parents name the school that they would like their child to attend, and unless it's a fully independent school, that school must be named in the EHCP unless one of three exceptions is met. If a school is named that the parents think is unsuitable, they can appeal to the tribunal.

EHCPs are reviewed annually, and if a parent does not agree with the changes made at annual review, they have a right to appeal to the tribunal.

All of the provision in an EHCP is legally enforceable, and there are legal routes which can be followed if an EHCP is not being followed.

Over 98% of parental appeals to the SEND tribunal are successful, at least in part, indicating that the right of appeal is a very important part of ensuring that children receive the support to which they are entitled by law.

Under the proposals, EHCPs will be reserved for the children with the most "severe and complex" needs - this has not been defined, despite several requests for the DfE to provide a definition. One might argue that children with EHCPs now have severe and complex needs - if they didn't, their needs could be met through ordinarily available provision. However, it seems that the new definition will be narrower than before.

Under what we have seen so far of the proposed new rules, if parents or a school request an EHC needs assessment, the LA will assess whether the child meets the criteria for one of a set number of "Specialist Provision Packages".

A child will only be eligible for support if they fit into one of these boxes, and the LA will select the one they think is most suitable and decide which parts of it are relevant to the child's needs.

The standardised provision set out in the package will be guaranteed by the law, but schools will be left to translate that provision into what will be provided from day to day, set out in an Individual Support Plan. The provision in an ISP will not be legally enforceable, and parents will have no legal recourse to appeal its content.

If a change of setting is needed to deliver the ISP, the LA will recommend the setting to the parents, who have the right to suggest an alternative. There will be no automatic duty on the LA to consult the suggested school, and no right of appeal for a particular school to be named if the parents think that the LA's choice is unsuitable.

There will be no annual review of the EHCP. The (not legally enforceable) ISP will be reviewed every year, but the EHCP will only be reviewed when a child is moving to a new phase of education.

To summarise, parents will lose the right to appeal a refusal to assess a child's individual needs, a refusal to issue an EHCP, the content of an EHCP and the school named. They will also lose the right to a legally enforceable annual review of their child's needs and provision - something which is often essential, as children's needs can change significantly as they grow.

In exchange, the government proposes that at levels of need below "severe and complex", the right to SEND support in schools will be strengthened. The proposals suggest that children who are on SEND support but not entitled to an EHCP will have the legal right to an ISP.

However, the content of the ISP will be determined by the school, and its existence will still depend on the school recognising and acknowledging the child's needs. As I understand it, no formal assessment of those needs will be required - the ISP will be written based on the school's assessment, with support from other professionals if they request it.

This is a very significant weakening of SEND children's legal rights, and we have as yet seen absolutely no response from the government to the consultation on these proposed changes which ended in May, and no draft legislation from which we might be able to understand the finer details of the proposals. What we have seen is many local authorities attempting to implement parts of these proposals before we have even seen proper draft legislation.

This debate is absolutely vital, and it is crucial that as many MPs as possible understand the issues, attend the debate and speak up for our children's rights.

If you haven't done so already, please consider writing to your MP and asking them to participate in the debate on 30 November and defend the rights of all children to the education that they need and deserve.

29/10/2026

My son said to me the other day, “Why don’t they have schools that go all the way from preschool to university?”

Yes, he really, really hates change!

But when I probed a bit, what he was really trying to communicate was that he was sad to have lost touch with his two best friends from his last school, because they don’t have (or don’t use) phones.

He doesn’t really do physical play dates. Virtual ones, he’s very happy with, and the friends he’s kept in touch with have been self-selected, because they’re the ones who are comfortable with an almost exclusively virtual friendship.

They don’t just play computer games together. Last week, he ran off to get cardboard, scissors and tape, because he and his friend were making something “together”.

Other times, he’s got out paper and pens, and they’ve sat contentedly drawing together, miles apart.

He takes his “friends in my phone” outside sometimes, to show them something in the garden. He wanders around the house with them. He props them up in front of him when he’s eating.

He may not like leaving the house or sharing his physical space much, but thanks to technology, he has a great little group of friends, all of whom he knew first in “real life”, and an active social life.

My daughter’s social life used to be very similar. Navigating her social life with an off button worked well for her, and prepared her for the next stage in an unthreatening way.

This half term, she’s expanded her horizons and had some great experiences in and out of the house with her friends.

Technology isn’t necessarily antisocial. Sometimes it’s the way in to practising social skills and developing an active social life.

28/10/2026

Another thing that caught my eye in the Budget is the HMRC approved mileage rate. In May this year (I've obviously taken my eye off the ball a bit, as I didn't notice this), this was increased on a temporary basis from 45p per mile to 55p. The increase was backdated to April.

In today's Budget, the Chancellor announced that this increase is to be made permanent.

Given the massive increase in the price of fuel over the last couple of years, this is a very necessary change. Before May, the approved rate had not changed since 2011, at which time the average cost of petrol in England and Wales was 133.65p per litre, and diesel was 138.94p. It is now close to £2 a litre for diesel, and 174p for petrol.

What interested me is how this might relate to transport to school for children with SEND. Where a child qualifies for free home to school transport, the parents have two options - they can use council-provided transport (usually a taxi) or they can apply for a Personal Transport Budget (PTB) and commit to getting their child to school themselves.

The latter option is cheaper for local authorities - if a PTB would be more expensive, they will not usually agree to it. At the same time, it is necessary for many parents, with children who are unable to travel to school unaccompanied by their parents.

The interesting point about PTBs is that they are supposed to offset the full cost to the parents of providing the transport to school. Thus, for instance, if the parent drives the child to school and picks them up every day, the budget should account for four single journeys a day and not just two, because the parent also has to drive home in the morning and back to the school in the afternoon.

Most local authorities base their PTB payments on the approved mileage rate, which is designed to offset the true cost of using one's own car.

Other local authorities pay up to 70p per mile, and some use fixed bands rather than a flat per-mile rate.

Wouldn't it be great if the local authorities which currently pay 45p per mile recognised these increased driving costs and increased their rates in line with the approved mileage rate?

28/10/2026

You may remember that earlier this year, the government commissioned a review into Carer's Allowance, something which affects many SEND parents.

This is available to unpaid carers who provide at least 35 hours of care a week to a person on a qualifying benefit, including the middle or higher rate of DLA or the daily living element of PIP. It is paid at a fixed rate of £86.45 per week in England, Wales and Northern Ireland (slightly more in Scotland).

It is only paid to those whose total weekly earnings are less than £204. If you earn a penny over that amount, you lose the whole of your Carer's Allowance payment. It's measured on a weekly basis, so even if you have variable income and your average weekly earnings are below £204, if you earn above that amount in a particular week, you will still lose the whole of your payment.

Earnings can be averaged over a work cycle or over a five week period, but only if you request this and receive prior approval - it can't be done retrospectively.

Many people have found themselves falling foul of this rule by not realising that their earnings have gone over the threshold for some weeks by a very small amount, and then receiving a demand to repay large amounts of money which they can't afford.

In today's Budget, the Chancellor announced that this cliff-edge is going to be replaced with a taper, so that for every extra £1 that you earn in a week, you will lose £1 of Carer's Allowance. This will make any extra earnings between £204 and £290.45 (the threshold of £204 plus the maximum Carer's Allowance of £86.45) worthless, because every £1 in extra earnings will be clawed back in lost Carer's Allowance, but at least those who exceed the threshold by a small amount will not actually be worse off.

But here's the remaining sting in the tail - the announcement has been made with much fanfare, and no doubt you'll be hearing about it in the headlines about the Budget.

But the change will not actually take effect until 2030. In the meantime, you still need to keep a careful eye on your weekly earnings if you're receiving Carer's Allowance, to make sure you don't accidentally fall off the cliff edge and end up losing money.

26/10/2026

With just a few days left to go of its emergency appeal, the PDA Society still needs to raise another £9,500.

The PDA Society is the only dedicated national charity in the UK supporting people with PDA and their families. It would be a massive loss if their support services had to close down.

If you’re able to, please donate and/or share this video.

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25/10/2026

I’m utterly horrified this morning to see this event posted on Eventbrite. This man’s role in hounding a vulnerable autistic man to his death is well documented. The plagiarism accusation has been refuted again this week.

How many more times does Jason Arday need to be cleared of deliberate plagiarism, and by how many more different bodies?

To be clear, Cofnas didn’t “expose the plagiarism of Jason Arday”. He falsely accused him of plagiarism, and used him as a scapegoat to justify his own racist arguments.

And his “exposé” led to a media circus which ended with a vulnerable man being hounded to the extent that he ended up taking his own life.

That’s not a brave exposé - it’s a witch hunt, deliberately and explicitly carried out on the basis of race.

How can an Oxford college give this guy a platform in the wake of Jason Arday’s death to spew his hateful racist agenda and repeat his false allegations?