29/10/2026
❤️ A personal post, on a very personal day.❤️
Today, my mum would have been 65.
Its Ben, your Funeral Arranger!
I wanted to share something a little more personal on the John Stuart Funeral Directors page today. Not because I think my experience of loss is the same as anyone else's, because it isn't. Every relationship is different, every loss is different, and we all find our own way of navigating life without someone we love.
But through my own experience of losing my mum, I have a tiny understanding of how you might be feeling when you find yourself facing life without someone who has always been there.
My mum died suddenly on 4th July 2019, aged just 57. One moment, life was as I knew it, and the next, everything had changed. There was no time to prepare for a world without her, no instruction manual for what came next. Just a life that had to carry on, somehow, without one of the people who had always been part of it.
On the day of her funeral, I described my mum as "the perfect imperfection." And I still think that sums up what makes the people we love so special. They don't have to be perfect. They just have to be our people.
Losing someone changes you. You learn to navigate birthdays, Christmases, milestones and ordinary Tuesdays in a world that looks much the same to everyone else, but feels completely different to you. You learn to find a new normal, although I'm not sure you ever quite find your old one again.
Today, I find myself thinking about the birthdays we no longer get to celebrate together and all the moments still to come that I wish she could be part of. More than seven years on, I still miss her. Time passing doesn't mean someone becomes less important, and it certainly doesn't mean you stop wishing they were here.
But here's something I've come to believe: grief doesn't always have to look like tears.
Sometimes, remembering someone means crying because you miss them. Sometimes, it means laughing at something they did, smiling at a memory that catches you off guard, or telling a story about them that makes you feel as though, for a moment, they're right there with you again.
And that's okay. You don't have to feel guilty for smiling when you miss someone. You don't have to spend every special occasion feeling sad to prove how much you loved them. You can miss someone terribly and still find happiness. You can carry the sadness and celebrate the life they lived, all at the same time.
Working as a funeral arranger at John Stuart Funeral Directors has given me the privilege of supporting families through some of the hardest days of their lives. I would never pretend to know exactly how another person feels, but my own experience has given me a small insight into how difficult it can be to face a goodbye and learn to live with the space someone leaves behind.
It has also reminded me how important it is to remember the person, not just the loss. Behind every goodbye is a lifetime of love, memories, laughter, little quirks and moments that deserve to be held on to.
So, if you're reading this and missing someone today, whether your loss was yesterday or many years ago, please be gentle with yourself. There is no timetable for grief, no right way to remember someone, and no rule that says you must always be sad.
Sometimes, the bravest thing we can do is find a reason to smile, even when our hearts are aching.
Below is a photo of my mum. ❤️I'd love to invite you to share a photo of someone you miss in the comments, too. Tell us their name, share a favourite memory, or simply post a picture that makes you smile. There is no pressure to share anything you're not comfortable with, but perhaps this can be a little space to celebrate the people who will always matter to us.
Today, I'll be thinking of my mum, missing her as always, but remembering my perfect imperfection with love.
Happy 65th birthday, Mum. I wish you were here. ❤️
