06/08/2026
"I wonder why that's important to you?"
It's almost a stereotype of counselling training.
A client asks a question about us and we're taught to gently turn it back.
Why?
Because counselling isn't about us. It's about understanding the client's world, not inviting them into ours.
And I agree with that.
But there was another thing I was taught that has stayed with me just as strongly.
That healing happens in relationship.
That authenticity matters.
That congruence isn't just something we talk about – it's something we embody.
I've never been entirely comfortable with the idea of being a blank page.
Because the moment someone walks into my office, I've already communicated something without saying a word.
My age.
The way I dress.
The trees outside my office.
Perhaps my teenage son walking up the drive.
The book on the shelf I was reading between sessions.
Whether I'm wearing a wedding ring or not.
We are never truly blank.
So if someone asks me whether I've struggled, I won't pretend I haven't.
If they ask what I'm doing this weekend, I might tell them.
If they ask my favourite song, or the last film that made me cry, I'll probably answer.
Not because the session is about me.
And not because I want to become their friend.
But because sometimes honesty is part of being fully present with another human being.
I probably won't tell them how I found my way through whatever I've lived.
That belongs to them.
Their path will never be mine.
But I can meet them as another imperfect human being.
And I think there's something deeply hopeful about that.
