11/07/2026
The Lost 'Passive' and 'Mr Nice Guy' Men...
..who are slowly killing attraction in their relationships alongside the over-functioning woman.
The man who acquiesces because he's afraid of upsetting his partner or experiencing her wrath.
The man who lets her lead... and then sulks or seethes with resentment.
The one who lives by the motto, "Anything for an easy life."
The man who tolerates disrespect, then wonders why he feels like he's constantly walking on eggshells... carrying anger, numbness or depression.
The man who escapes into work, hobbies, alcohol, p**n, sport, his phone or anything else that gives him relief, instead of asking himself what part he is playing in the relationship dynamic.
The man who never questions whether he is contributing to the slow decline of intimacy because he's too busy building a retirement for a future where:
a) he may never get there, and
b) even if he does, he has become a shadow of the man he once was.
The man who defends, explains and rationalises rather than becoming genuinely curious about himself and learning how to create emotional safety.
This isn't about blame.
It's about recognising that this way of relating is unattractive energetically.
You can have a 'nice' functioning relationship where there is love, but without the intimacy you are just room mates.
Room mates status is settling, no matter the reason.
This is the point so many relationships reach in later midlife or at the time of menopause.
Women feel exhausted.
They have spent years carrying too much, making the decisions, managing the relationship, pushing for conversations, organising life, initiating change and trying to hold everything together.
Then they look at the man beside them and realise...
they no longer feel they are with him.
They feel they are carrying him.
And that is where desire dies.
Attraction isn't created by being agreeable.
It isn't created by avoiding conflict.
And it certainly isn't created by abandoning yourself in the hope of keeping someone else happy.
The irony is that many of these men believe they are being loving.
In reality, they are avoiding themselves.
They are avoiding the shadow aspects of themselves that create self-sabotage in all kinds of devious ways.
You can do all the 'right' things on the surface as a man, and still be killing the polarity in your relationship.
Kill the polarity, kill the intimacy.
What's running the show isn't what you do on the surface, its what's running everything underneath.
The energy that drives your behaviour and communication is either clean or it is not.
This is the work.
To the ladies...before you tag your husband (I advise you not to)...
A post on the over-functioning woman is coming next.
Because this dynamic is co-created.
If you are reading this thinking, "This is exactly him," don't make the mistake of assuming there's nothing here for you.
Different behaviours.
Same unconscious process.
You may have read the books, listened to the podcasts, been to therapy, journalled and done years of personal development.....yet you can still unknowingly lead from shadow in your relationship.
Knowing more isn't the same as being free of the pattern.
So if you are serious about creating a deeply connected, passionate relationship, this work belongs to both of you.
Where to start?
Link in comments.
