Joanne Reed Free to be me Counselling Services

05/08/2026

One of the things people rarely tell you about grief is that it doesn't just leave you missing someone.

Sometimes it leaves you missing yourself.

You might look in the mirror and recognise your face, but not feel like the person looking back. The things that once mattered don't seem to fit anymore. Your confidence has changed. Your future feels unfamiliar. Even making simple decisions can feel harder than they used to.

People often assume this means something is wrong with them.

In reality, it can be a deeply human response to loss.

When someone important dies, you don't only lose the relationship. You can also lose the version of yourself that existed within that relationship. That can leave you wondering:

"Who am I now?"

It's one of the most profound questions grief can bring, yet it's something we don't talk about nearly enough.

I've written a new blog exploring why grief can affect your identity, why you may feel disconnected from yourself, and why finding your way again isn't about becoming the person you were before your loss. It's about gently discovering who you are now, while still carrying the love you have for the person you've lost.

If this is something you've been struggling with, I hope it helps you feel a little less alone.

🔗 You can read the full blog here: https://www.freetobemecounselling.co.uk/grief-resources/griefandidentitychanges

Best wishes

Joanne Reed
Grief and Loss Counsellor
Free To Be Me Counselling

Grief can leave you questioning not only your future, but your sense of who you are. This blog explores identity loss after bereavement, why it happens, and how counselli

05/08/2026

People assume confidence disappears because something bad has happened.

In grief, it's often much more complicated than that.

Loss shakes the foundations you built your life upon. The person who reassured you, encouraged you or simply made the world feel safer is no longer there. Suddenly, everyday decisions can feel overwhelming.

You begin second guessing yourself.

"What if I get it wrong?"

"What if something else goes wrong?"

"What if I can't cope?"

What looks like a lack of confidence is often your nervous system trying to protect you after experiencing something life changing.

When you understand this, something shifts.

You stop criticising yourself for becoming uncertain and start responding with compassion instead.

Confidence doesn't usually return all at once.

It comes back through small moments where you begin trusting yourself again.

If you'd like to explore this with me I have availability, just get in touch.

Best wishes

Joanne Reed
Grief and Loss Counsellor
Free To Be Me Counselling

Email: [email protected]

Telephone: 07594 720245

04/08/2026

Have you ever found yourself Googling questions about grief or wondering whether what you're feeling is normal?

Questions like...

• Why does grief feel worse at night?
• Is it normal to still be grieving after a year?
• Why do I feel guilty after their death?
• Will I ever feel like myself again?
• Do I have to talk about the death straight away?
• What if I don't want to get over my grief?
• How could grief counselling help me?

These are some of the questions people ask me most often, and many are the thoughts that stay hidden because they're difficult to say out loud.

I've expanded the FAQ section on my website to answer these questions honestly and compassionately. Whether you're grieving, living with anxiety or depression, or simply trying to understand what's happening to you, I hope you'll find something that helps you feel a little less alone.

You don't have to have all the answers before reaching out for support. Sometimes understanding begins with asking the question.

Take a look here: https://www.freetobemecounselling.co.uk/counselling-faqs

Best wishes,

Joanne Reed
BACP Accredited Grief & Loss Counsellor
Free To Be Me Counselling

04/08/2026

One of the questions I hear most often is, "Why do I feel guilty when I laugh?"

It can happen in the most ordinary moments. You're enjoying a conversation, watching a film, spending time with family or simply noticing that, for a little while, the weight of grief has lifted. Then, almost as quickly, the guilt arrives.

"How can I be laughing when they're gone?"

"Am I forgetting them?"

"Does this mean I'm moving on?"

For many people, those moments of relief feel more uncomfortable than the grief itself. The pain has become so closely connected to love that feeling better can seem like evidence that you're loving less.

But grief doesn't ask you to stop living in order to prove how much someone mattered.

Your capacity to smile doesn't erase your sadness.

Your ability to enjoy today doesn't diminish your love for the person who died.

Both can exist together.

In time, you'll discover that healing isn't about leaving your loved one behind. It's about finding a way to carry them with you while allowing yourself to experience life again.

If this is something you've been struggling with, please know you're not alone. It's a far more common part of grief than most people realise.

Best wishes

Joanne Reed
Grief and Loss Counsellor
Free To Be Me Counselling

Email: [email protected]

Telephone: 07594 720245

***deloss

03/08/2026

One of the cruellest parts of grief is that people often expect your world to change. They don't realise that you change too.

Perhaps you've become quieter. More anxious. Less spontaneous. Maybe you've stopped enjoying the things that once mattered to you. You avoid places you used to love, struggle to make decisions or feel as though you're constantly pretending to be the person everyone remembers.

The hardest part is that everyone else still speaks to you as though you're the same person you were before.

Inside, you know you're not.

That can be frightening, not because you've forgotten who you were, but because you're wondering whether you'll ever find yourself again.

This isn't weakness. It isn't failure.

It's grief reshaping your world and your sense of yourself.

You don't have to have all the answers today.

Sometimes the first step is simply recognising that this is part of grief too.

Best wishes

Joanne Reed
Grief and Loss Counsellor
Free To Be Me Counselling

Email: [email protected]

Telephone: 07594 720245

31/07/2026

"I don't want to move on. I just want this pain to stop".

If you've ever thought that, you're not alone. In fact, it's one of the things I hear most often.

The problem is that we've been taught to think of grief as something we're supposed to "move on" from. As though the goal is to leave someone behind.

To stop talking about them. To stop missing them. To get back to the person you were before they died.

But what if that's never what you wanted?

What if you don't want to move on because moving on feels as though you're walking away from someone you still love?

What if the thought of feeling better fills you with guilt because it somehow feels disloyal?

The truth is, most grieving people aren't asking for their grief to disappear. They're asking for the relentless weight of it to ease.

They're asking to wake up without that immediate heaviness in their chest. To get through a day without feeling they're simply surviving until bedtime.

To be able to think about the person they love without every memory ending in tears. To laugh without feeling they've betrayed them.

To make plans for the future without wondering if they're leaving the past behind.

That isn't moving on. It's learning how to carry your grief without it carrying you.

You don't stop loving the person who died. You don't stop missing them. You don't erase the relationship you had.

You slowly begin to build a life where love and loss can exist alongside hope and that's a very different thing from moving on.

Best wishes

Joanne Reed
Grief and Loss Counsellor, Huddersfield and Online
Free To Be Me Counselling

Email: [email protected]

Telephone: 07594 720245

30/07/2026

What grieving people Google in private... but rarely say out loud.

When grief feels overwhelming, many people don't tell their family or friends what's really going through their mind.

Instead, they ask Google. Not because they expect Google to have all the answers but because they're desperate to know they're not the only one feeling this way.

They type questions like...

"Am I grieving wrong?"

Because everyone else seems to be getting on with life, while you're wondering why getting out of bed still feels like a struggle.

"Why am I angry all the time?"

Because the smallest thing makes you snap, and then you feel guilty for being the person you've become.

"When does grief get easier?"

Not because you want to stop loving them, but because you're exhausted by carrying this weight every single day.

"Is it normal to feel numb?"

Because you're frightened that if you can't cry anymore, maybe you didn't love them enough.

"Why do I feel guilty when I laugh?"

Because for a split second you forgot what happened, and then the guilt came crashing back in.

If you've searched any of those questions, you're not failing at grief. You're trying to make sense of one of the hardest experiences a person can face.

Sometimes what people need most isn't another article to read. It's someone who understands why they're asking those questions in the first place.

You don't have to keep searching for answers on your own.

Send me a message to learn how we could work together.

Best wishes

Joanne Reed
Grief and Loss Counsellor, Huddersfield and Online
Free To Be Me Counselling

Email: [email protected]

Telephone: 07594 720245

29/07/2026

People often think grief is at its hardest during the funeral. Or on anniversaries. Or on birthdays.

Sometimes it is but many people tell me the hardest part happens at two o'clock in the morning, when the rest of the world is asleep and there is nothing left to distract you.

It's the time when your mind starts replaying every conversation you ever had.

Every text message. Every decision. Every moment you wish you could go back and change.

You find yourself asking questions you have probably asked a thousand times before.

What if I'd called them?

What if I'd noticed something sooner?

Why didn't I say that one last thing?

Did they know how much I loved them?

If you've been bereaved by su***de, those questions can become even louder.

Your mind searches relentlessly for the one answer that will finally make sense of what happened. But instead, you find yourself trapped in an endless cycle of "what if" and "if only".

By morning, you're exhausted. Not because you haven't slept. Because you've spent hours trying to solve something that has no simple explanation.

If this sounds familiar, it doesn't mean you're going backwards. It doesn't mean you're grieving wrongly. It doesn't mean you're losing control.

It's what our minds often do when something has shattered our understanding of the world. We search for certainty because uncertainty feels so painful.

One of the things therapy can help with isn't finding the perfect answer. Sometimes there isn't one. It's helping you step out of the endless search for certainty, so that every night doesn't become another interrogation of yourself.

You don't have to carry those questions on your own.

I have availability, just get in touch.

Best wishes

Joanne Reed
Grief and Loss Counsellor, Huddersfield and Online
Free To Be Me Counselling

Email: [email protected]

Telephone: 07594 720245

28/07/2026

Early bereavement support can make all the difference particularly with su***de bereavement. They are an incredible charity, circulate for anyone who might need this or benefit from it.

Joanne

***de

28/07/2026

One of the hardest parts of grief isn't always the loss itself.

It's the silence that can follow.

At first, people ask how you are.

They check in. They remember.

But as time passes, life moves on for everyone else, and you start wondering if you're the only person still carrying them.

Grieving people may not want advice.

They don't expect anyone to take the pain away.

They simply want to know that the person who died still mattered.

That they haven't been forgotten and that they don't have to carry their grief on their own.

Sometimes the greatest gift you can give someone who's grieving isn't finding the perfect words.

It's showing them they're not grieving alone.

One of the quietest fears in grief is this:

"What if everyone else forgets them while I'm still trying to hold on?"

People rarely say that out loud but they feel it.

The most meaningful support often isn't about saying something profound.

It's remembering.

Remembering their name.

Remembering important dates. Remembering that grief doesn't have an expiry date.

Being remembered is what helps a grieving person feel less alone.

Best wishes

Joanne Reed
Grief and Loss Counsellor
Free To Be Me Counselling