Kristina Askew Westcott- Clinical Psychologist

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Kristina Askew Westcott- Clinical Psychologist Clinical Psychologist with 17 years experience working with adults with mental and physical health problems. Offering online and face to face therapy.

07/08/2026

Can a child have every opportunity in the world and still feel emotionally abandoned?

This is something I’ve been reflecting on after working with a number of adults who were educated at boarding school.

I’m not writing this to criticise boarding schools or the parents who choose them. I know those decisions are often made with love, sacrifice and the hope of giving a child the very best education. But what happens when a child is frightened, rejected, ashamed, homesick or heartbroken… and the person they most need isn’t there?

Who notices that subtle change in their face when they aren’t ok ? Who gives them the cuddle that tells their nervous system they’re safe? Who helps them make sense of overwhelming emotions before they have to face another day?

Children are remarkably adaptive. But if there’s no parent there to comfort them, they don’t simply stop needing comfort. Instead, many learn not to need it. Or at least, that’s what it looks like.

Over the years I’ve sat with adults who attended boarding school who describe finding it incredibly difficult to rely on others. They minimise their own needs. They are fiercely independent. They struggle to ask for help, even from the people who love them most. Many tell me they learnt very early that vulnerability didn’t get their emotional needs met, so they quietly packed those needs away.

Of course, this isn’t everyone. Some people look back on boarding school with enormous warmth and believe it shaped them for the better. Human development is never that simple, and no single childhood experience determines the adult someone becomes.

But I do wonder whether we sometimes confuse adaptation with resilience.A child who stops crying because nobody comes isn’t necessarily coping.They may simply have learnt that expressing need feels pointless.

Perhaps the real question isn’t whether boarding school provides an exceptional education. It’s whether any education, however outstanding, can replace the emotional availability of a parent during a child’s most vulnerable years.

I’m genuinely interested to hear from people who experienced boarding school themselves.

Looking back now, what did it give you?And what, if anything, did it cost you?

03/08/2026

Holiday thoughts ☀️

I’m on holiday in Calpe, Spain, surrounded by turquoise sea, serene landscapes, palm trees and beautiful villas. Looking out, it’s easy to think that the world is beautiful

But, if I really wanted to, I could probably spend the whole holiday focusing on cracked pavements, graffiti, overflowing bins, poor people begging outside the supermarket, or the imperfections in the villas. They exist too. Humans are remarkably good at finding what is wrong.

Psychology has a name for it: our brains developed a negativity bias. Our ancestors survived by spotting danger, flaws and threats long before they noticed sunsets or crystal clear water. That bias helped keep us alive, but it doesn’t always help us live well.

The same thing happens in everyday life. We can become so focused on disappointment, bad news, conflict, mistakes or what we don’t have that we stop noticing what is still beautiful. Not because the beauty has disappeared, but because our attention has.

This doesn’t mean ignoring suffering, poverty, injustice or sadness. Those things deserve our attention and compassion. But if we only ever look for what is broken, we begin to believe that brokenness is all there is.

The world has always contained both beauty and pain, but we can choose what we train our minds to notice. Because where attention goes, emotion often follows. The more we intentionally notice kindness, connection, nature, laughter and the ordinary moments that make life meaningful, the more room we create for gratitude, hope and contentment.

Maybe happiness isn’t about finding a perfect world. Maybe it’s about becoming someone who refuses to let the ugly eclipse the beautiful.

01/07/2026

Are we slowly falling out of love with being human?

I've found myself sitting with a question that I can't quite shake: I wonder if we're slowly falling out of love with being human.

We live in an extraordinary time. Artificial intelligence can answer our questions in seconds, write essays, create artwork, coach us through difficult emotions and hold conversations that often feel remarkably compassionate. At the same time, we have access to treatments that smooth away wrinkles, sculpt our features and promise younger looking versions of ourselves. Our phones measure our productivity, our watches analyse our sleep, and social media presents endless polished versions of other people's lives. Everywhere we look, we're encouraged to optimise, improve and perfect ourselves.

I don't think any of these things are inherently bad. AI is an incredible advancement. Cosmetic procedures can help people feel more confident. Technology has transformed healthcare in remarkable ways. My concern is something more subtle.

I wonder whether, surrounded by increasingly polished versions of life, we're becoming less comfortable with the beautifully imperfect parts of being human.

AI is endlessly patient. It doesn't appear tired, distracted or emotionally overwhelmed (unlike I often feel). It often responds with confidence, clarity and validation. If these become the interactions we experience most often, do they begin to change what we expect from one another? Will we become less tolerant of pauses, uncertainty and mistakes? Will we expect therapists, partners and friends to always know exactly what to say?

Yet therapy has never been about perfection. Some of the most healing moments happen when two people simply sit together in uncertainty. Healing comes through feeling understood, not through hearing the perfect words. It grows through empathy, humour, vulnerability, silence and genuine human connection.

I also wonder if our pursuit of perfection is distracting us from what really matters. We spend so much time thinking about how we look, how productive we are and how we're perceived. But how often do we think about the qualities that leave the deepest impression on others? Kindness. Compassion. Wisdom. Integrity. Curiosity. Presence. What some might simply call the soul.

Perhaps the greatest risk isn't that AI becomes more human. Perhaps it's that humans begin expecting themselves, and each other, to become more like AI: always available, always composed, always polished and always right.

When I think about the people who have shaped my life, I don't remember them because they were perfect. I remember how they made me feel. They listened. They cared. They laughed. They made mistakes. They apologised. They were real. I felt them.

As technology continues to evolve, I hope we continue to embrace innovation without losing sight of the qualities that no algorithm can replicate. Because long after AI becomes even more intelligent, I suspect what people will still crave most is exactly what they've always needed: authentic human connection.

Are we becoming so focused on perfecting ourselves that we're forgetting what makes us truly human?

18/06/2026

The Social Media Ban for Under 16s: A Clinical Psychologist's Perspective... and a Mum's

The debate around banning social media for under 16s has generated strong opinions, and I can honestly see both sides.

As a Clinical Psychologist, I have seen first-hand the impact social media can have on mental health. I've worked with young people struggling with anxiety, low self-esteem, body image concerns, cyberbullying and the relentless pressure of comparing themselves to carefully edited versions of other people's lives.

As a mum, I worry about those things too. My daughter is 9 years old. If a ban meant she was less likely to be exposed to unrealistic beauty standards, appearance-focused content and endless doom-scrolling during these formative years, I would welcome that.

Childhood is short. I want her spending more time playing, creating, imagining and building confidence in who she is, rather than questioning whether she is good enough because of something she has seen online.

But then I look at my son. He is 14 and, if I'm honest, much of what he knows about nutrition, health, wellbeing, science and space has come from content he has accessed online. The list is almost endless. His curiosity has been fuelled by the information available to him online. He exercises regularly, takes an interest in his health and is constantly learning. These are interests and habits that may stay with him for life.

And that is where I think the conversation becomes more complicated. Social media is not one thing. There are parts of it that genuinely concern me as both a psychologist and a parent. There are also parts that offer young people access to education, knowledge, inspiration and opportunities that previous generations could only have dreamed of.

Perhaps the question isn't simply whether young people should have access. Perhaps it's about how we help them use it safely. How do we teach them to think critically about what they see? How do we help them recognise misinformation? How do we protect them from harmful content whilst still allowing them access to incredible educational resources?

As both a Clinical Psychologist and a mum, I find myself sitting somewhere in the middle. I want my daughter protected from content she is not emotionally ready for. I want my son to continue learning, exploring and developing through the incredible resources available online.

The challenge isn't deciding whether social media is good or bad. The challenge is figuring out how to maximise the benefits whilst minimising the harms.

I'd love to hear others' thoughts, particularly from parents, educators and young people themselves.

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