Helen Hoyte Therapy

22/08/2026

DBT Skills. Module: Distress Tolerance

22/08/2026

22/08/2026

21/08/2026

21/08/2026

Maybe it isn’t a lack of desire.

Maybe I genuinely do want to look after myself.

Maybe I do want to go for the walk, sort the room, cook something decent, answer the email, make the appointment, exercise, shower, tidy up or finally start the thing I’ve been meaning to do all day.

And maybe the problem is that doing something alone asks my brain to provide everything.

The motivation.
The starting point.
The plan.
The focus.
The sequencing.
The stimulation.
The momentum.
The reward.

That’s a lot.

Then someone else comes along and says:

“Shall we go for a walk?”

And suddenly… shoes on.

“Want to sort this together?”

Yep.

“I’m going to the gym at 10.”

Brilliant. See you there.

The task hasn’t changed.

The conditions have.

For ADHD brains in particular, another person can bring structure, interest, stimulation, accountability and a clear starting point. Body doubling can make something feel far more accessible simply because we are no longer trying to generate all of the momentum from inside ourselves.

And this might help explain why some of us can do enormous amounts for other people but struggle to do seemingly tiny things for ourselves.

That doesn’t necessarily mean:

“I care about them more than I care about me.”

It might mean:

“My brain responds more easily when there is something external to respond to.”

So perhaps instead of asking:

Why can’t I just make myself do it?

We could ask:

What conditions help me get started?

Do I need company?
A class?
Music?
A deadline?
A body double?
A bit of novelty?
Fewer decisions?
Someone else’s momentum?

Because sometimes self-care is not about trying harder.

Sometimes it is about understanding what helps your brain come online.

Same person. Same task. Different conditions.

You can also find more neurodivergent-affirming resources on my website, or join my WhatsApp Community using the QR code on the infographic.

21/08/2026

Societal expectations.

What even are they?

A mysterious collection of rules that nobody actually sat me down and explained… but apparently I’m still supposed to know them.

Be productive — but don’t work too much.
Rest — but don’t be lazy.
Be confident — but don’t be too much.
Speak up — but don’t make people uncomfortable.
Be yourself — but preferably the version of yourself that everybody else finds easy to understand.

And at some point I have to ask:

What the bloody hell is everybody expecting me to do?

And perhaps more importantly…

What the bloody hell is everybody else doing anyway?

Because the more you look, the more you realise there isn’t actually one correct way to be a person.

Most people are improvising.

Some are following rules they inherited from their parents.

Some are trying desperately to look like they know what they’re doing.

Some are comparing themselves with everyone else.

Some are exhausted from keeping up appearances.

And some have finally realised they don’t want to play anymore.

Societal expectations can be useful when they help us live alongside one another with kindness, consideration and respect.

But they are not commandments.

You do not have to build your entire life around being impressive, productive, conventional, agreeable, attractive, sociable, successful or “normal”.

You are allowed to ask:

Do I actually believe this?
Does this expectation work for me?
Who am I trying to please?
What would I choose if nobody was watching?

Maybe adulthood isn’t about finally learning all the rules.

Maybe it’s about realising that quite a few of them were made up in the first place.

And choosing, with increasing confidence, which ones you’d actually like to keep.

Honestly, a handbook would still have been helpful though.

30/07/2026

IT'S ALL CONNECTED. For those interested in neuroscience, neuro-diversity, body and mind. This book is the first of its kind and hope there are more.
Dr. Miguel Toribio-Mateas, https://drmiguelmateas.com/
IG: drmiguelmateas

30/07/2026

“Like an ancient tree, I am deeply rooted, holding the wisdom of everything I have survived. Tonight, I allow the moonlight to filter through my branches, softening my edges, washing over my worries, and bringing peace to my soul.” I wish you peace. 🙏🏻

30/07/2026

Oestrogen helps your brain use the dopamine an ADHD brain runs on. When it falls, everything gets harder. Here's why.