Towan Therapies

30/08/2026

🧠 ADHD PARALYSIS — THE ACCOUNTS SAGA CONTINUES…

At this point I feel like my accounts deserve their own page. 🤣

A while ago I publicly called myself out because I KNEW I was avoiding them.

I thought accountability would work.

It did not.

I tried bribery.

Also unsuccessful.

Instead, my ADHD part of functioning has demonstrated an absolutely phenomenal ability to achieve almost anything as long as it isn’t my bloody accounts.

The car has been cleaned.

The dog has been washed.

The hot tub has been cleaned.

Cupboards and shelves that survived perfectly happily untouched for approximately five years have suddenly received urgent attention.

Cobwebs have been evicted.

I’ve worked, parented, looked after animals, exercised, run a business and generally continued being a functioning member of society.

I’ve even managed to book myself increasingly questionable dopamine adventures because apparently throwing myself out of a perfectly good aeroplane is more appealing to my brain than opening my accounts. 🤣🤷‍♀️I’ve now also had a weeks leave to rest and complete the accounts…..

And the accounts?

Still. Not. Done.

Welcome to ADHD paralysis.

The bizarre place where you are simultaneously incredibly capable and completely unable to initiate ONE PARTICULAR TASK.

And that’s the bit people often misunderstand.

It’s not:

“I can’t be bothered.”

It’s:

“My brain currently appears to have placed a security lock on this task and nobody knows the password.”

The longer I avoid it, the bigger it becomes.

The bigger it becomes, the more pressure I feel.

The more pressure I feel, the harder it becomes to start.

Meanwhile my brain helpfully offers:

“Perhaps we should reorganise the entire kitchen?”

NO.

WE SHOULD DO THE ACCOUNTS.

“Book another adrenaline activity?”

NO.

ACCOUNTS.

“Clean the horses?”

ACCOUNTS.

“Could probably get a pilot’s licence…”

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. 🤣

This is why understanding executive dysfunction matters.

ADHD paralysis isn’t about intelligence, capability, motivation or laziness.

Sometimes the biggest battle isn’t completing the task.

It’s getting your brain through the doorway to START IT.

So tomorrows enormous neurodivergent goal is not:

DO THE ACCOUNTS.

It’s:

💻 Open laptop.
📂 Open accounts.
⏱️ Do ten minutes.

28/08/2026

When there’s simply no capacity left…

I often use the analogy of pouring into other people’s cups.

You keep pouring — into your children, your work, your relationships, the people who need you, the responsibilities that can’t simply be put down.

And eventually you look at your own cup and realise there’s barely a dribble left for you.

I’m actually fortunate enough to recognise that, to do the career I’ve chosen, to be emotionally present as a mum and to keep myself physically and mentally healthy, I have to dedicate a substantial amount of time to self-care.

For me, self-care isn’t an occasional luxury. It’s maintenance. It’s regulation. It’s what allows me to continue showing up.

But the summer holidays and lone parenting and burning the candle at both ends have very much pushed the limits of that capacity recently for me. When you’re carrying the practical load, the emotional load and the mental load for everyone else, sometimes there simply isn’t anything left to give.

And my body, once again in the last few weeks, has reminded me of that.

Despite all the self care and energy pacing I thought I was heading for burnout again in August- I felt the same as I did in the new year and it suddenly occurred to me maybe it’s not burnout. I have been monitoring and treating a vitamin b12 deficiency over the last year, my levels are very low and symptoms mirror a lot of perimenopause or burnout symptoms.

While there can be many reasons for low B12 and it’s important to investigate them medically, it has made me reflect on the cumulative impact of years of stress, responsibility and carrying too much.

Common low b12 symptoms

Extreme fatigue or low energy
Brain fog, memory issues, or trouble concentrating
Numbness or tingling in the hands and feet
Muscle weakness or balance problems

Sometimes we don’t notice how empty our cup has become because we’ve become incredibly skilled at highly functioning on the last few drops. 2026 has been a great but brutal year for me!

Self-care isn’t always bubble baths, spa days or doing something lovely.

Sometimes self-care is recognising:

I have no capacity left.
I cannot pour from this cup today or this week even.
And I need to refill it before I start pouring into everyone else’s again.

There’s a difference between being capable of carrying a lot and having the capacity to keep carrying it.

Even the strongest nervous systems need rest. I am having a long bank holiday weekend away from all responsibilities with beautiful friends at a festival remembering who I am (no doubt dancing in the rain with the current forecast) without carrying everything that I do and refilling my cup.🤍

27/08/2026

Intuition… or trauma response?

Recently I’ve been delving into this at a much deeper level, both personally and therapeutically.

A question was posed to me that really made me think:

“What can fear provide us that intuition can’t?”

Fear can provide protection.
It can provide control.
It can help us anticipate every possible outcome.
It can encourage us to leave before we can be left, withdraw before we can be hurt, or avoid something before we risk failure or rejection.

And when you’ve experienced trauma, those responses can become so familiar that they can feel like intuition.

“I just have a feeling.”
“Something is telling me not to.”
“My gut says get out.”

Sometimes that absolutely is intuition.

But sometimes it’s a nervous system recognising something that resembles an old threat and immediately reaching for self-protection.

Trauma asks: How do I keep myself safe?
Intuition asks: What do I deeply know?
Your highest self asks: What do I actually need and want when fear isn’t making the decision for me?

And that distinction can be incredibly difficult.

Healing isn’t about ignoring fear. Fear has often worked incredibly hard to protect us. It’s about becoming curious enough to ask whether the protection it’s offering is still needed now.

Am I making this choice because it genuinely aligns with who I am becoming?

Or am I making it because an older version of me learnt that this was the safest way to survive?

Sometimes growth is not learning to trust your gut more.

Sometimes it’s learning to recognise which part of you is speaking through it.

26/08/2026

The education system nearly broke me.

For what feels like an eternity — but very actively for the last four years since she became unable to attend school — I have fought to get my daughter’s needs recognised, understood and appropriately met.

Two education tribunals.

Being pursued for non-attendance.

Years of gaslighting, meetings, assessments, emails, reports, evidence gathering and constantly having to justify why my child could not simply fit into a system that wasn’t meeting her needs.

One tribunal burnt me out and broke me. And this year, I had to find the strength to face another one.

I knew exactly what that process had done to me the first time. I knew the emotional, physical and mental toll it could take — and I still had to walk back into the fire because my daughter needed me to. I just hoped I had learnt to protect myself along the way.

That’s the part people don’t always see.

You don’t get to say, “I can’t do this anymore.”

You don’t get to stay broken.

You somehow pick yourself back up, learn legislation you never wanted to know, gather evidence, write submissions, challenge decisions and keep advocating — while still being Mum and supporting the child who is struggling at the centre of it all.

And then there is the ridiculous contradiction parents face.

Schools and education services tell us to get “medical evidence” to prove why our child cannot attend or why certain provision is necessary.

Yet NHS professionals are actively discouraged from getting involved in education disputes or from stating what they believe a child needs educationally.

The amount of conversations I’ve had with paediatricians one day who are advised to not comment in writing about education matters and then sat in an education and local authority meeting the next day where they demand the NHS provides evidence that the NHS just won’t provide beggars belief.

So parents are told:

Get medical evidence.

While the very professionals we are expected to get it from are told:

Don’t get involved.

How exactly are families supposed to win?

It is parents and children set up to fail.

You chase your own tail trying to prove something everyone can see is happening, while your child continues to struggle and you are questioned — or even pursued — over non-attendance because they cannot access an environment that isn’t meeting their needs and is abusive to their systems and is breaking children and families with lasting impact!

And then, finally, today an NHS professional put pen to paper and backed what my daughter and I have been saying for years.

I can’t adequately describe the validation and relief of finally having someone prepared to use their professional voice to support ours.

Not because my daughter’s needs suddenly became real today.

Not because I suddenly became a more credible parent.

But because somebody finally had the courage to write down what we have been saying all along.

After four years, two tribunals and being pushed to burnout, we were finally heard.

Parents should not have to break themselves proving their children need help.

And children should not have to deteriorate before somebody listens.

People who have not experienced this broken system would have their brains blown by the loops, hoops,lies, gaslighting and abusive dynamics children and families are put through - it truly is unbelievable. There has to be a better way. ❤️

26/08/2026

God yes I love this quote - I’m exhausted just thinking about the back to academic year battles ahead!!!
I think especially because 4hrs before the summer term endsd in July a certain specialist school decided to send attendance bo****ks to me to enjoy over the summer.
I am beyond done with the game playing dynamics of the education system and local authorities!!
One more year and I can escape it all forever……🙏🙌 but I think it’s gonna b a looonnnnggggg year!!!

Even google got my back.

25/08/2026

Sometimes it’s the smallest things that land the deepest. ❤️

Today has been one of those days — juggling a million things, carrying more than most people would ever see, while also doing something that took a huge amount of courage from me personally.

And then this happened.

A chocolate bar and a handwritten note posted to me from the other end of the country from a complete stranger. Someone who owes me absolutely nothing.

Recently, I did something for them that I didn’t have to do. There was nothing in it for me. I simply chose kindness, compassion and respect because it felt like the right thing to do.

Today, unexpectedly, that kindness found its way back to me.

As a trauma therapist, I talk a lot about nervous-system regulation, connection and safety. We often think regulation needs to be some big therapeutic intervention — but sometimes it’s simply another human being reminding you that you’ve been seen.

A tiny act of kindness can interrupt a difficult day. It can soften a nervous system that’s been holding too much. It can remind someone that there is still goodness in the world when they really need to feel it.

They had no idea what today held for me or how much courage I had needed.

Which made this little Galaxy bar worth far more than a Galaxy bar. ❤️

Never underestimate the impact of doing something kind simply because you can. You may never know the day it reaches someone on.

23/08/2026

21/08/2026

I genuinely LOVE my brain… including its incredibly productive ability to procrastinate. 🤣🧠

Today’s mission was simple: finish my last few hours of admin and do my accounts before 12 glorious days off.

My brain, however, had other plans.

So far today:
✨ My car has been completely cleaned out.
✨ Under the kitchen sink is now meticulously clean and organised.
✨ The shelves I haven’t touched beyond dusting in about FIVE YEARS are beautifully organised.
✨ My entire house is cobweb-free.
✨ The dogs have been washed. 🐶
✨ The hot tub has been cleaned and I HATE that job!
✨ Basically, anything that isn’t admin has been enthusiastically completed. 🤣

My admin and accounts?

Absolutely thriving in their original, untouched state. 🤣🤷‍♀️

The worst part is I knew exactly what I was going to do today.

I even called myself out on it to my eldest beforehand, thinking that if I said it out loud, accountability might kick in and I’d actually get the work done.

Her incredibly sensible advice?

“Just get on and do the admin, Mum, then you can switch your brain off and actually rest.”

Yesssss I really need to do that…..

I even tried self-bribery — dangling a nice little reward in front of my brain for completing the admin.

That failed miserably too. Apparently my brain would rather experience the immediate dopamine hit of organising a five-year-neglected shelf than accept a perfectly reasonable delayed reward.

There’s something quite impressive about brain looking at the ONE thing it needs to do and suddenly finding the motivation to complete every other task that has been ignored for approximately half a decade.

Is it procrastination? Yes.

Have I been productive? Also yes.

Are my accounts done?

Absolutely fu***ng not. 🤣

At this point, I’m running out of things to clean, so the admin may actually stand a chance. 😂🧠

This is so accurate

21/08/2026

🥰 love this

Someone spent years learning how to carry something alone. And somehow, here, with us, they decide they don't have to anymore.

We get to watch that moment. The exhale. The shoulders dropping. The thing finally said out loud after all that silence.

We will always remember what an absolute honor that is. 🩷