22/07/2026
You can’t turn on if you haven’t first turned off.
One of the biggest misconceptions about desire is that it’s something you simply have or don’t have.
But desire isn’t a switch.
It’s a state of mind.
If your mind is still at work…
Replaying an argument…
Thinking about the kids…
Running through tomorrow’s to-do list…
Scrolling until the moment your head hits the pillow…
Your nervous system is still saying, stay alert.
And an alert nervous system doesn’t prioritise pleasure.
So before asking yourself, “Why don’t I feel turned on?” try asking:
“Have I actually given myself permission to turn off?”
For many people, the journey to intimacy doesn’t begin in the bedroom.
It begins when you step out of the roles you’ve been carrying all day—the parent, the professional, the problem-solver, the caregiver—and return to simply being you.
Because the shortest route to desire isn’t usually more effort.
It’s more presence.
✨ Turn off the world.
✨ Turn towards yourself.
✨ Then see what becomes possible.
*xTherapy
