08/01/2024
At a time of so many worries on mass media from the loss of bio-diversity, climate change, to wars in Ukraine and Gaza, I wish to focus on signs of hope in the microcosmos of my life and the bigger picture of our place on this miraculous planet…today I want to share insights into new beginnings in the middle of the dark season.
On a recent walk near The Hollies where I live, I noticed this very vibrant patch of cleavers growing on the side of the road. As a teacher of food foraging, I know of its medicinal benefits and that it is not only edible but very nutritious. Beyond that, I’m focusing on its dazzling intensity of green and lushness of growth at the peak of winter! It reminds me that in the middle of darkness there is always a sign of light, once we pay enough attention – a bit like in the ancient symbol of Yin and Yang. I’m observing here and now, despite the wintery cold weather, nature is already living the future, in a patch of cleavers, growing exactly like in springtime.
I choose to see this as a sign of hope and trust that all of the goodness of life will come around again. I'm now asking you to follow me on a journey of an analogy...or using this image as springboard into another area of my passions in life: another hope of mine, in the middle of another darkness (of the soul), lies in the practice of mindfulness in the eye of the storm of human conflicts. Particularly in the heat of arguments and disputes I try to remind myself of my human ability to delay a reaction – to press the pause button, so to speak...like winter does, in a way. As many of my friends know, I practice (and teach) mediation and non-violent communication. I’m going to share a simple practice with you that has served me well in many dicey situations and which can help you access the kind of resilience to adversity that I sense in the patch of cleavers. I learnt it over 20 years ago, when American Elders came to Ireland and I was part of the so-called West Cork Medicine Circle, in fact it was in 1999. They introduced us to the ‘Peace Council’: let’s imagine a disagreement with a person who matters to me. In order to avoid resentment to build and fester, I ‘call this person to council’ to sort it out … translated into West Cork language: talk about the weather for a while and segue into “come here, there is an issue I’d like to talk to you about. When would be a good time to have a chat?” A suitable time and place are agreed and the ‘caller’ prepares it ‘with beauty in mind’ – a flower or candle or whatever else pleases the soul becomes the focal point between the two and the caller starts by stating ‘what happened, how it affected her/him/them, what they want to see happen, and what they are learning from this, whilst looking at the object of beauty (candle or cleavers 😊). Native Americans say that in trouble or anger our eyes carry arrows that will hurt the other. Eye-contact, much favoured by our culture, is therefore not always the most respectful or de-escalating thing to practice. At the end of this opening statement I might say, ‘…that’s what I wanted to let you know. What did you hear me say?’ (or in softer terms: ‘it would really help me if you could repeat to me the gist of what I just said. I’d get the confidence that we can get on the same page.’…or something similar). This step of slowing down the communication is very important! (and, alas, very uncommon in everyday language). When communication breaks down between two people, a mediator offers this service by way of a summary or reframe.
The practice of Non-Violent Communication is quite similar to this sequence of steps, by the way. And it gives me a lot of hope for clearing up misunderstandings, maintaining relationships despite differences and for building bridges across the divides between me and ‘the other’.
The next opportunities to learn this with me - and other techniques to build trust, peace, and sustainable relationships - will be:
- Leadership and Conflict Resolution, a 10 week evening class, online through University College Cork starting on Monday, 29th January https://ace.open.ucc.ie/courses/ace2451-leadership-and-conflict-resolution
- Family Communication Workshop at The Hollies Centre for Sustainability in West Cork, Sunday 29th January https://thehollies.ie/2024-course-calendar/ and
- A new series of family support workshops I’ll be offering at The Hollies…3 Wednesday morning sessions – 2 hours each – starting on the 31st of January, 14th and 28th of February in small groups…message me directly for further information.
