27/05/2026
I broke a cup the other day and in floods of tears broke down , irrational absolutely .💯
It was a mix of grief and stress triggering a stored physical response in my body .
In 2015 when I heard the news lying in a hospital bed r
Removing from a major surgery, my body was already in shock working through the stress when it was hot by a different type of shock.
I later discovered that my body had held onto this shock for a long time , as I began the profess of working through it . Regulating the shock and the body and the emotions took a long time , it was not overnight process, so needless to say I get surprised when something like the cup breakdown happens out of nowhere (it’s never really out of the blue )
I had been feeling - nothing serious - but feeling sorry for myself none the less .i would always have known Barry and my mum were there . So logically my mind is not on track that morning a few days ago with the broken cup but my body was triggered by the little shock of the smash.
I don’t just feel sad about Barry and mum being gone
It’s wha they offered me (friendship and unyielding love) and knowing someone is there to have my back if I need it.
Complex grief is is that - complex . It’s layers of complexity that often involve ptsd , the body the emotions an even the soul. Sometimes it’s subtle a sadness I can’t quite put my finger on and other times it smacks me across the face.most days I grieve a little , that’s the truth of it . But I work thought it ,I laugh about it, sometimes I cry about it 💫
But the body removers in different ways and not always rational . I’ve tried to talk to the body about it rationally (it doesn’t understand me) -I tell it it’s ok, it doesn’t listen -I comfort it and tell it, it’s had a raw deal.
So I do what I need to do .
I stay with it
I don’t need to understand it
I cry, I laugh , I move on
This is the great thing
It gets easier every single time.
Less intense, quicker recovery time . Then my body feels at peace . I can feel it ? Like coming up out of water for that first full of air. It feels free.
We are all complex beings in a complex body with a complex mind -instead of trying to control it
❤️ me
