EOS Counselling

31/01/2022

12/02/2021

Post 8: Self Care

Self care has been floating round social media with emphasis on treating yourself with facials or buying yourself something but there are more elements to self care.
This is something I always bring into the session as I feel it’s important to look after yourself and especially while doing the work in therapy as it can be a vulnerable place. Did you know that eating right and a full night sleep is also self care?
If you stay up watching TV/scrolling/playing video games and you are not getting enough sleep this can affect how you think or perceive yourself.
If you are tired then it can be difficult to ensure you eat right, exercise or be kind to yourself and others. You can be impatient and then feel bad if you snap at someone.
You can also be inclined to eat unhealthy as you are too tired to cook/prepare a meal and then can lead you to talk negatively or shame your body.
Self care is also putting boundaries in place to ensure you get time to spend on yourself or comfort yourself. Comfort can take many forms - a soft piece of clothing, a bath, reading a good book, a cup of tea in front of the fire or meditating. It’s as individual as each of us are.

Tip: Have a look at how you care for or comfort yourself. Having discipline to go to bed on time and eat well is a form of self care. Making sure you add comfort to your life is very important and with the lockdown currently in place you may need to relook at what actually brings you comfort outside of spa treatments and shopping and the usual options.

If you would like to explore this further please contact Sinead on 087 6008930 to book an appointment

11/02/2021

Post 7: Toxic Positivity

Social media can have a lot of affirmations and quotes about positivity but toxic positivity is when you ignore what’s happening and just try to think positively.
There is also a school of thought that to be mentally strong is to have no issues. If you broke your leg would you consider your body as weak?

Your mental health is fluid and some days you can handle better than others depending on what’s going on around you. Currently going through this pandemic, it’s difficult to remain positive. You may still be working and so have no money issues or you may be enjoying the less busy lifestyle but still there are things you miss - seeing your family, dinner out, hugs, meeting friends
To dismiss the “negative” means you don’t deal with it and just push it down and it will probably come back up the next time you feel low.

In therapy we would explore the need to dismiss the “negative” and the client would be invited to sit in the feeling of loneliness or sadness and honour that it’s there.

Tip; If you find yourself with a difficult emotion acknowledge it - I see you loneliness and feel you. Allow it to be without trying to change. You may find by allowing it it can pass

If this low mood or difficult emotions persist you should consider seeking help from a therapist
Please feel free to contact Sinead on 087 6008930

10/02/2021

Post 6: Self Talk

Self talk can also feed into the unconscious/overthinking. It’s important to be aware of your thoughts so you know how you are treating yourself.
If you are shaming yourself over past events or for making mistakes then you are not going to be excited or confident in a new challenge or venture.

In therapy when negative self talk comes up we explore if the client really believes what they say and look for evidence of same eg I did X and I was so stupid. We look at the event and sometimes have them imagine that someone else, a friend, made the mistake or a child they know made the mistake and then have them speak to their friend or the child how they speak to themselves. Most people find this difficult yet they speak to themselves like this all the time.
We can also trace back to a time they felt this feeling and see if we can find where it originated - for example made a mistake in school and the teacher said it was a stupid mistake which was interpreted as they were stupid.

Tip: when you catch yourself speaking negatively imagine yourself at 4 years old - get a picture of yourself from that time if it helps and see if your words change.

If you would like to explore this further please contact Sinead on 087 6008930 to book an appointment

09/02/2021

Post 5: Inner Child

We all have memories from our past so it’s safe to say that we also have traumas and remnants of past experiences within us.
These can be operating in the unconscious and come up when we are triggered by something.
In therapy we work with the inner child to provide a new voice or safety to the inner child
Eg if as a child you had a line of buttons in your play area and every time you hit the red button you got slapped, you would soon learn not to hit the red button. Now fast forward 20 years and you come across a button for the elevator that is red - you may experience discomfort or anxiety at the thought of pressing the button but are not sure why. This is a mild example of how our brains and body “remember” experiences.
Tip: if you find yourself reacting to something, like your 3 yr old niece telling you she doesn’t like you, it can be good to take a minute to see what part of you is reacting.
This happened to me lately and my first reaction was to tell her “I don’t like you either”. Thankfully I held back but knew by my reaction that I needed to explore this so I closed my eyes, went within and asked what was happening. My 3 yr old self was there and was not happy at being told she was not liked. I talked to her and explained that not everyone would like us but that didn’t mean we were not a nice person and if we liked ourselves that was the most important. Something in me then settled and could allow my niece to express her truth without it triggering me.

Please note that some traumas are better dealt with in the safety of the therapy room.

If you would like to explore this further please contact Sinead on 087 6008930 to book an appointment

08/02/2021

Post 4: Boundaries

Boundaries is another buzzword where we create boundaries to protect and respect ourselves but what does this look like in everyday life?

In therapy a client could say they were tired because they were busy with no time to themselves and when explored we find that they say yes to every request made of them and have no time to themselves.
We would then look at how they could say no to some requests and create me time.

Boundaries can also be standing up for yourself and not allowing others to disrespect you with their words or actions.
They can also be difficult to enforce if you are critical of yourself in your thoughts so don’t shame yourself if you are afraid or can’t bring yourself to say no just yet.
Maybe the first step is to realise you need boundaries?

Tip: It can be very useful to tell yourself that NO is a complete sentence with no explanation required.
When asked to do something you can say no without having to give a background story about why you cannot do it. It will be hard and uncomfortable at first but practise in small ways until you are more comfortable.
It can also be the case that people who take advantage of your helpfulness will be annoyed or disappointed when you start saying no. This does not mean you have to go back to saying yes but rather proof that the boundary was needed.

If you would like to explore this further please contact Sinead on 087 6008930 to book an appointment.

05/02/2021

Post 3: The Should’s

We may all have an attack of the shoulds or should nots at some point. Maybe while sitting watching TV you say I should be doing laundry or cleaning up. If you feel low or sad/angry/numb our brains can tell us that we should be happy as we have so much going for us but low moods and mental health issues can affect anyone at any time.
When these shoulds rule our lives we do not allow ourselves to rest fully or allow the low mood but rather fight to be positive and active.
If every time you sit to relax you think I should be doing A,B or C then this is not relaxing.
In therapy we would look at where the need to be up and “doing” as the shoulds suggest is coming from? Is it your voice or is it a leftover from childhood or past experience? We would also explore being in the feelings coming up and to allow them.
Do you should yourself? Again this can link in with the overthinking and the shaming - that you are lazy for sitting down when you should be up doing something else.
Tip: See how your body reacts when you sit down - Can you sit and relax and just be or do you remember things you need to do? Does your body relax into the chair or is it poised to get up again?
If you find that you do not relax ask yourself what is the need to do the task right now? You may be surprised with the answer.

If you find yourself with a low mood - rather than saying you shouldn’t feel like this, perhaps allow it and remind yourself that we can all have bad days and it’s important to feel all your feelings.

If you would like to explore this further or find you are having consistent low mood please contact Sinead on 087 6008930 to book an appointment.

04/02/2021

Post 2: Shame

Shame has been in the news recently with the mother and baby homes report and the government apologising for the shaming of those women.
Shame has been a part of Irish culture for generations and so it is likely that it’s also running unconsciously through us.
It’s a word I have heard used in schools and churches where it was common to be told to be ashamed of ourselves.
So with this in mind I ask you - How do you treat yourself when you make a mistake? Do you apologise, if necessary, and move on or do you go into a cycle of shame where you wonder what kind of person you are that made the mistake in the first place?
Do you wonder why anyone likes you when you’re obviously a screwup?
Do you go on a night out and cringe at the thoughts of what you said or did the night before?
When in therapy this can go hand in hand with the overthinking and what your thoughts are about and we explore if you can find another way to deal with mistakes or things you regret doing or saying .
Brene Brown has researched shame for years and has said that “Empathy is the antidote for shame”
As humans we all make mistakes, it’s how we learn. As a kid when you were learning to walk and you fell down you were encouraged to get up and try again and you got better and better the more you practised.
When did we lose this ability to just try again? How do we stop shaming ourselves?
Tip: What would it be like to change how you treat yourself when you make a mistake? Could you treat yourself like the kid learning to walk. Admit that you fell down/made a mistake but you’ll keep trying and learning.
“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better” Maya Angelou

If you would like to explore this further please contact Sinead on 087 6008930 to book an appointment.

03/02/2021

Post 1 - Thinking/Overthinking
Our thoughts are something that are with us all the time. They can also be something running unconsciously through our heads and affecting both our physical and mental health.
Overthinking can mean that you replay conversations, events or your actions over and over.
It can mean you play out every scenario to an upcoming decision so much that you can no longer make a decision.
This can also affect our physical health by causing us to lose sleep, our appetite or our energy levels can drop.
It’s a good practise to get to know our thought patterns and this is something we work with in the therapy room and possibly explore where this thought comes from. When you have an awareness of how you think you can see if you are critical to yourself or shaming yourself and can take steps to change them.
Tip: Try setting a reminder on your phone and when it alarms note down your thoughts and at the end of the day/week read back over them and see if a pattern emerges.
Overthinking can also increase feelings of anxiety and activate our fight or flight reaction.
One way to find out if you are in fight or flight mode is to check your breath. Place one hand on your stomach and the other on your chest. Don’t make any changes to your breath and see if both hands rise on the in breath. If the hand on your chest I the only one rising then you are shallow breathing. Now take deep breaths into your stomach to ensure that hand rises. Do this 5 times and this can bring awareness back into the body. Remember that thinking is a habit so it may take time to catch your thoughts or your breath so be gentle with yourself.

If you would like to explore this further please contact Sinead on 087 6008930 to book an appointment.