30/03/2026
Yesterday I received a phone call from a European number just as I got home from work and was about to complete preparing my kitchen for Pesach. I didn’t answer the first time, but when they called again I thought perhaps someone needed urgent attention. The connection was very bad — I kept hearing myself in an echo — and I told him that, but I also assumed it would be a short conversation.
A man was on the line and asked if he could ask me a question. He didn’t introduce himself or explain why he was calling. He said he understood that I work in the area of halacha and s*x therapy and wanted to ask some halachic questions. I explained that I am not a halachic authority, but if he wanted to ask a question, he could go ahead.
What followed were legitimate questions. He then said he works as a counselor to help Orthodox couples but needs resources. He wanted the know my consultation/therapy fees. He wanted recommendations for resources and I recommended my book with David Ribner “I Am for my Beloved” and my podcast with Scott KahnIntimate Judaism . I then politely explained that this wasn’t a good time but he persisted with questions. He asked whether I would recommend that a couple watch po*******hy together to enhance their s*x life, if such a recommendation was halachically sound, and then what I thought about bringing a third person (some sort of s*x worker/practitioner)into the bedroom to help a couple’s s*xual relationship. I explained that these questions require my attention , not yes and no answers, and that I’m not inclined to engage in them now, with someone I don’t know, on a bad connection, in the middle of my very busy day.
I told him that if he wanted to speak, we could schedule an appropriate time, but that I couldn’t continue the conversation right then. He insisted he had “just one more question.” After about ten minutes, I said I really had to go. At that point he told me that I had said I would answer his question, that I was being abusive to him, and that he couldn’t afford my rates, which is why he was asking me questions now.
It was a very unpleasant interaction, and I was surprised at how thrown off I felt afterwards. I am usually quite patient with people. But something about the entitlement, the lack of boundaries, and the way the conversation turned when I tried to set a limit really stayed with me.
There is something here about boundaries, about access, and about the strange ways people sometimes feel entitled to other people’s time, knowledge, and emotional labor — especially in helping professions. I’m still thinking about it.
Apologies to the anonymous Nishmat's Yoatzot Halacha yoetzet Halacha who referred him to me, you may get some negative feedback about me and my impatience.
One final note. Often when receiving requests, to consult on a case, answer a question, or review an article it is accompanied by “ I totally understand if you don’t have the headspace for this now given the war”. That definitely lands with more thoughtfulness.
