Shamseddin Giwa

28/05/2026

I’m sorry you are having to go through this.

For many, when caught doing something, the first reaction is to attempt to deny; thus they do with an act of defiance convincing themselves they should get angry and make it about how you found out not what they have done.

Unfortunately, this reaction of his will only strain the marriage more if it doesn’t break it.

I don’t know how much of a dealbreaker this is for you but you have a decision to make; either to stay or not.

If he’s fighting you, then there’s no remorse for what’s been done. There’s no room for forgiveness or growth if he’s not even remorseful. This also means it’s likely to continue to happen.

That tells you about how he considers you or takes you in the marriage.

Again, you have a big decision to make before you escalate to higher authorities and stakeholders.

While at it, please be careful and ensure your moves are documented. If you need a break to catch your breath, arrange it.

Important to note that the hurt and anger can make you vulnerable. Whatever you do, don’t let his action trigger a reaction that can be used against you.

I wish you strength.

27/05/2026

Eid Mubarak people,
Drop your address for meat ooo 😁😁😁

26/05/2026

Women are quick to paint bad pictures of husbands and yes, many of the cases are true and unfortunate but what you almost never hear is the role they played in creating the situation.

There are many unruly and poorly behaved wives who want to do whatever they wish without consequence. The same women who never want to be accountable. To them, being a woman means you are automatically a victim. No madam, sometimes you are the villain.

So go on, don’t listen, shout at him, walk away when he’s talking to you, slam the doors, disrespect him and even deny him s*x; but please, when he eventually realises his own self worth and moves on to another woman who would treat him right, don’t come to social media with one sided narratives claiming to be the victim.

26/05/2026

You cannot make him happy if you are not happy.

Know that there’d be times when remembering him going into polygyny will trigger you. Focus on healing yourself first before you focus on him so that your actions or reactions will not be negative.

What makes a man happy? Getting what he wants in marriage. If he has gone into polygyny, chances are he wants to be able to practice it with both wives being happy with the system.

To such a man, you not complaining will make him happy. Unlimited patience will make him happy especially tolerating his learning curve over polygyny.

Also, being patient with the new wife will make him happy even where she oversteps or makes mistakes.

All the above and one can only hope he’d have good intentions or the wisdom to execute right because if like some, his intentions going into it was to punish you or take you, then this may seem like a journey to you being permanently unhappy.

There’d be competition; spoken and unspoken. Strive to give your best at all times.

If you do the above, you’d most likely make him happy.

Whether or not you would be happy is a different discussion altogether but that you are trying to achieve this is commendable.

I wish you strength.

26/05/2026

They will laugh at you and talk down your journey because they don’t understand it.

Sometimes they understand, they just don’t think it’s possible.

Other times they think it’s possible, just not for you.
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During courtship, I was often laughed at for being with the same person. Back then, part of what made you a “hard guy” was jumping from one lady to another. To be with one was to be a loser of sorts.

The irony!

We were embracing weakness and celebrating it as strength.
—————
Today in marriage, there are those who still view me that way. Like, why can’t he just “do this” and “do that”?

Why is he always about his wife?
What does he feel like?

He’s just a simp, mijin hajiya etc

In the end, if you stay true to that which you believe in, Allaah will always exalt you and lift you up where you belong.

In truth, they never really doubted your journey, they just hoped you would not do it so that they don’t feel miserable with their own.

Focus, stay consistent.

One day it’ll all make sense.

25/05/2026

I’m not sure why you agreed to getting pregnant first as a condition for marriage because different things can go wrong, what happens if he doesn’t marry you then? Take the ectopic incidence, you didn’t plan for that. It’s not the best.

Also, you come as a package, you and your children. Why would you be with someone who cannot accept you as you are?

I think you need a serious rethink. Calm down, a man will come who will want you, this sounds a bit desperate and makes you vulnerable.

25/05/2026

Marriage is beautiful but sometimes we get to the point where we know in our hearts we are no longer interested and nothing can be done to fix it.

This is the point to move on.

Unfortunately, many get here in a state of fight and what already may be a painful process is then turned into a punishment and fight tool by the other.

It is common today to hear the statement "he doesn't want to give me my divorce", effectively ensuring the person stays tied in the marriage and unable to move on.

The idea is that for as long as you are still legally married to one, your profile would not only be less appealing to suitors but you'd also be unable to do much without being accused of infidelity.

This is a very poor approach, not only because deliberate hurt is intended to another but also to yourself.

There is no compulsion in marriage and try as you may, you cannot force a person to stay married to you this way.
In the end, said person would go to the courts and get you sorted anyway so why would you not take the easy way out?

We deal with issues of the heart differently. Sometimes, it is a way to keep things as they are while you try, sometimes it is as described above and other times, it is ego and the "if I can't have you, nobody can" mindset, but in the end, you make things difficult for yourself.

It is already unfortunate that you are having to discuss a divorce, don't use it as a victimisation tool. Do what's needed of you and let everyone go their separate ways in relative peace.

**If you are struggling coming to terms with letting go, reach out for professional help. Sometimes, the marriage can still be saved, other times, you are shown how best to let go. You also deserve the peace from it.

25/05/2026

This is perhaps one of the things that hurt wives the most today. To support a husband through humble times, give up dreams, career and education opportunities just to support the family, only for things to get better and these count for nothing. In fact, in many cases I have handled, the level of education, career and sacrifice become the reason used against her.

Surely, you get why this will hurt.

Yes, one will advise younger wives to make better decisions but this unfortunately, already is the reality of many.

How can we keep demanding young ladies to stay with young men starting small when the examples we are showing them is of older men making their wives regret it?

I promise you, many wives look back today and wish they had been more deliberate about self instead of the team.

Let's seek to change this narrative as a society. A wife should be able to support her husband without fear of regrets.

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If this is something you are struggling with, reach out for help with it.

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24/05/2026

24/05/2026

Irony: When the man eventually comes home seeking to marry an older woman, a divorced woman or a single mother, it is the women in his family who most likely kick against it.

What does this tell you?

24/05/2026

Just because you said sorry, it doesn’t automatically make the hurt go away.

Regardless of the apology, there are things that will take time to heal and you just have to be patient and hope that it actually goes away.

It’s become quite common to find spouses who are wrong, trying to bully or emotionally blackmail their ways around the things they did by claiming “after all I have said sorry”.

If this is your approach, know that it makes the genuineness of your apology questionable and less likely that you will actually truly be forgiven.

What you did is already bad, don’t push it.