22/06/2026
EXTRACT FROM THE JUST CONCLUDED
SINGLES CONFERENCE JOS 2026
SPEAKER: Mummy JANE NDUBUEZE
MESSAGE TITLE: HEALING BEFORE HOOKING
Anchor Scripture: Psalm 147:3
"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."
God’s pattern is healing before relationship. Many people enter relationships not because they are ready to love, but because they are searching for a painkiller for loneliness, heartbreak, rejection, and emotional wounds.
They hook before they heal, but an unhealed person will carry wounds into a new relationship and eventually transfer pain to an innocent partner.
What you don’t heal from, you will transfer into your next relationship.
Everyone has experienced wounds at one point or another — through family background, past relationships, betrayal, rejection, abuse, or painful experiences.
However, what determines your future is not what happened to you but how you respond to what happened.
Ruth lost her husband before she even had a child, yet she did not allow that pain to define her future.
She was healed, moved forward, remarried, and became part of the lineage of Jesus (Ruth 1–4).
Esther lost her parents while she was still young, grew up as an orphan, yet she refused to remain a victim of her circumstances. She carried a mentality of royalty and rose to become a queen (Esther 2:17).
Jesus Himself experienced betrayal from His close friend Judas, yet He did not allow betrayal to stop His purpose (Matthew 26:47–50).
Your wound is not your identity. The pain of your past does not have the authority to determine your future.
God is still writing your story, and what the enemy meant for evil, God can turn around for good (Genesis 50:20).
Examples like Sarah Jakes Roberts, who became a mother as a teenager and experienced divorce at a young age, Joyce Meyer, who overcame childhood abuse, and Paula White, who overcame poverty and the loss of her father, prove that painful beginnings do not have to produce painful endings.
Your scars can become your testimony when you allow God to heal you.
WHAT IS HEALING?
Healing is the restoration of emotional, mental, and spiritual wholeness.
WHAT IS HOOKING?
Hooking means entering into a romantic or emotional relationship.
God is not just interested in connecting you with someone; He is interested in correcting you, restoring you, and making you whole before the connection.
WHY HEALING IS NECESSARY BEFORE RELATIONSHIP?
1. You attract what you are, not what you want.
Broken people often attract broken people or unhealthy relationship patterns.
You may desire a godly, mature, and emotionally stable partner, but the question is:
Are you godly? Are you mature? Are you emotionally stable?
You do not attract what you pray for; you attract what you are prepared for.
If you are insecure, you may attract people who exploit that insecurity. If you are emotionally unstable, you may attract instability around you.
Amos 3:3
2. Unhealed wounds distort perception.
When the heart is wounded, it can misinterpret love, accept toxicity, reject healthy relationships, or believe lies such as:
“All men are the same.”
“All women are the same.”
“Marriage is suffering.”
A wounded mind can call evil good and good evil. Isaiah 5:20
Some people are uncomfortable with healthy love because they have become familiar with unhealthy patterns.
A wrong perspective can destroy a right relationship.
3. You will bleed on people who never wounded you.
Unhealed pain creates unnecessary suspicion, anger, defensiveness, and overreaction.
Someone who hurt you in the past should not make an innocent person pay for their mistakes.
Do not make your future partner carry the punishment for a crime they never committed.
Healing takes time.
A person who has experienced deep loss or heartbreak may need restoration before entering another relationship.
Before you pray for the right partner, become the right person.
Allow God to heal your heart, renew your mind, and restore your emotions so that your relationship will be built from wholeness and not from wounds.
