22/05/2026
THE EFFECT OF ARGUMENT IN MARRIAGE
Argument is inevitable in marriage. It can either build values and connections or act as a killer of marriage. It depends on the type of argument that is staged and the manner it is handled. It can kill the love, the bond, the connection in marriage if handled unwisely.
In as much as, being an "oh yes" spouse is dangerous, an argumentive spouse can be more dangerous if he or she goes into it consistently, unwisely and without considering the emotional damages it is generating. An "oh yes" spouse limits decision making at home to one brain, in such a situation the brain of one person may not see the different side of the matter, this will lead to wrong conclusion, wrong decision and wrong judgement which will lead the family into grave losses. Two heads are always better than one. However, in Marriage we need to learn how to use our head and our tongues well to achieve positive results.
Argument in itself is inevitable in marriage because we all reason differently and our perceptions are also different.
In marriage, an argument requires wisdom, patience and maturity to handle, especially by the person that is more mature and more peace loving. You cannot get married and you don't expect arguments. During courtship if there is no argument it means someone is not real, but where an argument ensues and neither of the potential partners is wise enough to handle it for a profitable outcome it then shows that both of them are not mature enough to be together. They may end up killing themselves in the marriage.
An argument in marriage reminds us that we are partners in business and each other's life is at stake because we are all shareholders or stakeholders in it. Arguments show that marriage is not a one man's show. It gives an impression that we all have the interest of the marriage at hand and that the interest of the marriage is not in the hands of one man.
Argument reveals your psychology (the way you think and see things) this helps you to understand your spouse and it also helps your spouse to understand you for a harmonious living. Especially if the understanding you got is handled wisely. If the understanding is handled unwisely the marriage will still scatter.
Argument stirs your inner nature (your stability, temper, temperament, etc). Thereby revealing your strengths and weaknesses. Those weaknesses revealed are meant to draw us back to God for a pruning work (that is God cutting off your bad side to make you a better person). Argument is not meant to tear husband and wife apart but it does when God is not in control. When the flesh, ego, insensitivity, insincerity, selfishness, pride and the devil is in control then any argument can destroy a beautiful marriage.
Although, we may not think or see things alike all the time, we should not argue about everything at all times. An argument may be needful when it matters especially when something is at stake and one is taking a wrong decision that will plunge the family in pains. However, there is a moment when sensitivity and love should call for compromise by the person that has the broader and bigger heart, the person that prays more and loves God more. Surely, an arrogant person will not compromise for peace to reign. Their ego is the god they worship. They just keep arguing.
In marriage we have:
1. Unprofitable arguments
2. We also have profitable arguments
Unprofitable arguments
This may be staged by someone whose mind is configured to argue, just arguing about anything with careless abandon. A useless argument is an argument that is targeted at achieving nothing. You bought an Orange, you tasted it and complained that the orange is bad, your spouse started arguing and wants to prove to you that it is good as if he or she is carrying your tongue. They just can't see any thing from your perception and feelings. They love to be in the opposing camp.
Useless argument is an argument that has no benefits, when you ask the question, " why this argument?" you wouldn't see any reason for it. Some people engage in useless arguments for fun, they feel it is a pleasant way to interact or engage in discussion. But they have no feeling that it can be hurtful especially by the way they talk.
A useless argument is an argument meant to tell your spouse that he or she is a fool, he or she does not have brains. It is just meant to put your spouse down. It is meant to tell your spouse that he or she is not reasoning properly.
A useless argument is an argument that queries your spouse's ability, sincerity or intelligence. It is an argument that shows lack of trust or lack of confidence in your spouse. If the argument is not targeted at producing a profitable end then it is a useless argument. An argument that tears your marriage apart, kills your love, and breaks your connection is a useless argument.
Profitable Argument
A profitable argument has a different format. It is driven peacefully, the focus is not the person but the matter. The purpose is to save the home from losses and danger not to save ego. It is meant to save the home and not a show of intelligence or some argumentative skills. It is not a blind argument but one that submits to a superior argument or yields or bows to a better opinion or a better sense. It is not targeted at running the spouse down nor causing pains. It is not a personality crash. It is an argument that shows family interest. Such an argument is not supposed to tear the family apart except if one is crazy, blind and insensitive or the finger of the devil is in it.
A profitable argument requires that one of the couple should be mature, a good manager of opinions, a secure and humble person, a sensitive and tolerant person. Someone who can gather and coordinate the points together, see the different side of the matter through the arguments and bring out the best from it and give a better direction. If none of the couple has such features, then a profitable argument can turn into an unprofitable one. In a profitable argument, no one rides on a high horse and sees the opinion of the spouse as senseless. In a profitable argument the points are calculated. It happens on the table of decision making. A profitable argument grows the family, the couple appreciate each other, they celebrate the outcome of the argument at last and value each other. Love grows and connections gets deepened.
Proud, egoistic and insecure people dislike argument, they love an oh yes spouse. Hmmm!! tragically many of such people die or suffer grave losses.
with Heaven in View Ministry - Evang. & Mrs Bright Eke
