31/08/2026
This morning, I was scrolling through Instagram when I came across a post on Tunde Ednut's profile about Korra Obidi, where she was analysing 10 things she wished she knew before getting married.
Nigerians gathered in multitudes in the comment section, and they started abusing her, saying she got divorced because she wasn't tolerant enough.
I read the comments and laughed.
Some men even came under my comment to tell me I was siding with her.
Here is my comment on the post
👇
Oil dey your head! No lies detected. 😂
I know people will judge because it is coming from Korra, but let’s be honest: people keep saying marriage is about “tolerance.” Tolerance for what exactly? Your partner’s unresolved childhood trauma? Toxic behaviour? Manipulation? Poor character? Emotional immaturity? Lack of authentic love and respect?
Marriage requires patience, understanding and grace, yes. But there is a huge difference between healthy tolerance and tolerating dysfunction.
If both people are not willing to do the work of becoming better versions of themselves, taking responsibility for their behaviour and growing together, then what exactly are they building?
This is why self-awareness is important before dating, talk less of marriage.
And before saying “I do,” thorough professional premarital counselling can help both partners understand themselves, each other and what they are actually getting into.
And no, premarital counselling doesn't mean you must eventually get married. Sometimes, the process may reveal incompatibilities, unresolved issues or fundamental differences that tell you this relationship may not be healthy for marriage.
There is no formula for marriage, true. But there are patterns, behaviours, values, choices and consequences.
Marriage may require tolerance, but it should never require you to tolerate what is destroying you.
Kindly note that this message is not gender-specific. Both men and women need to do the work. 🏋️♀️😀
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Both partners need to put in the work that marriage requires. A successful marriage is not magic, and it certainly isn't sustained by tolerance alone.
It requires two people who are deliberate and intentional about how they communicate, how they treat each other, how they handle conflict, how they take responsibility for their actions, and how willing they are to grow individually and together.
You don't just get married and expect the marriage to work because you said “I do.”
Marriage is something you consciously build.
This is also why I encourage couples who are seriously considering marriage to consider professional premarital counselling.
Sometimes, having the right conversations before marriage can save you from learning very painful lessons after marriage.
Premarital counselling gives you both a safe and structured space to have the difficult conversations, examine your expectations, identify potential areas of conflict and understand what you are bringing into the marriage.
Sometimes, the most loving thing you can do for a relationship is to slow down and ask the difficult questions before saying, “I do.”
If you are engaged or seriously considering marriage, Soul Healing Hub offers professional premarital counselling for couples who want to build consciously, not simply hope for the best.
Heal. Integrate. Align. Become.
Glory Adedolapo Oluwatumininu
(Soul Coach & Pattern Strategist | Professional Counsellor & Psychotherapist) © August 2026.
