28/01/2025
Kia Ora Koutou
Back to school can be an anxiety-provoking time for parents of
a neurodivergent child. You are not alone
Here are some thoughts I'd like to share as a parent of two neuro-diverse children (now adults)
Christmas holidays are ending, and it’s time for a moment many parents and kids dread – back to school. I still feel an element of PTSD even after so many years, when I recall the memories of what 'back to school' meant to me as a parent of a neurodivergent child and also the horrible memories of school I have as a neuro-diverse adult. I know I’m not the only one who has experienced this anxiety-provoking feeling, but man I felt so alone at the time, so I want to share a couple of messages, a true take on my own parenting experiences, in the hope that you feel validated and can prepare for the new school year as best you can.
My anxiety always used to heighten around this time of year. At times, it caused nightmares as I asked myself, “Will this year be the year my child finally connects to a teacher who is supportive and motivating?” or “Will this be the same old story where I get a call that my child did something wrong?” My mind would flood with thoughts of teachers having preconceived notions about my neurodivergent son, wondering if they had a problematic kid on their hands, and listening to incorrect information/gossip from other teachers. The first day of school conjures images of my child at different stages in school, as a young child he would stand alone, and I knew everything would be particularly overwhelming, people, sounds, strange environments, and worst of all, unknown new routines. I would be torn between being there with him to smooth the path and not wanting him to stand out from the others with me being there. I recall a time my neurodivergent child’s primary teacher told me she would get rid of his learning/behaviour challenges through “tough love”, I overheard her telling him that he needed to be put over my knee and smacked!!! OMG this led of course to a formal complaint as I immediately spoke up and had this toxic teacher held to account, she is probably still there though!!! As parents, you know when you need to get involved and stay involved. And you know when to take a step back and let the teacher handle a situation. Trust your gut.
I write this to share that you are not alone. Many parents are feeling this heightened anxiety right now, so my advice to you is this:
- I am also a specialist teacher and was asked by one parent to meet for a coffee before the term started, she needed to meet the person who was going to be so influential in her daughter's life, I also benefitted from meeting her amazing mum, its OK to ask for this
- Remember to take a moment to breathe. Realize that you can educate the teacher on how to best work with your child, share what motivates them and what works to support challenging behaviours, and offer to partner with the teacher to do what you can to ensure a successful collaboration
- Answer their calls, listen to them when there is an issue, don’t get defensive, and never let a teacher ruin your relationship with your child
- Don’t believe the negativity; always remember the amazing characteristics and reasons why you love your child
- You are your child’s advocate, most fierce defender, and mama or papa bear
- Always love your child. Together, you will make it through another school year
- Have a friend/advocate/partner to support you
I fought so many battles in defense of my son, they didn't understand his brilliant mind and were not prepared to adjust to his particular needs. I truly hope that this has changed but suspect the battle continues in some people's lives. There are some really inspiring and well-researched teachers out there, thank you to them.
Be kind to yourself, you are a truly amazing person
I offer tailored hypnotherapy and gentle coaching therapy for neuro-diverse young people and adults
Nga Mihi
Katherine
Into the Frame
02102597219
