18/08/2022
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A common misconception when learning how to regulate our nervous systems is that regulation means being “calm”. And this isn’t actually the case.
Even if we seem “calm”, it doesn’t always mean we are in the present moment. If we’re calm in the sense that we feel safe, at ease and in the present moment, we are experiencing what’s called our Ventral Vagal Complex of the Parasympathetic nervous system. This is great, and…. we also want to still have access to the other states of mobilization or immobilization….. we just don’t want to get stuck there.
So you can think of regulation as the ability to experience stressors and still come back down to baseline, aka the present moment, shortly after. An example of what this might look like is if you’re stuck in traffic running late to an appointment. You may be anxious, flustered, and your heart may be racing. But once you arrive to your destination, your heart rate settles and your tension softens. This is how our bodies can move in and out of stressors in a healthy way.
Similarly, if we were camping and suddenly a bear came into our campground, we’d want to be able to mobilize (run) to safety and hide somewhere safe. But what happens in our early life when the bear is a parent that comes home drunk every night? Or a caregiver that is consistently unavailable for us, or makes us feel like we are a burden? Then, our little system stays on high alert all the time.
This is how we can end up stuck in places that leave us hyper-vigilant, anxious, or avoidant, or shut down.
The goal here is not to measure how often we can make ourselves calm, but rather, how we can begin to experience more and more safety and presence following stressful moments.
Our nervous systems are not designed for perfection, but for flexibility ❤️
You can begin with simply noticing your surroundings more and more throughout your day. Look around, where are you? What do you notice when you look around? How do you feel in your body when you notice those things?
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