01/09/2025
When I was young, I think sixteen years or so, I walked in on my dad and the house help doing it in the washroom. My dad saw me through the mirror and still didn’t stop. I stayed for two or three seconds before leaving them alone. My dad tried on different occasions to explain himself but I didn’t give him the chance to. All I wanted was to forget about that scene.
Later he said, “Your mom shouldn’t know about this.” I nodded my head and we closed the chapter.
He became excessively nice to me. Previously, he was that nice to my elder sister but he shifted his attention to me. He would buy me extra things and give me extra money. He would travel and ask what I wanted. He would get it on his way coming.
I didn’t hate him or the house help. The relationship was normal. The only thing that hurt me was how my mom was so dedicated to my dad and my dad could do that to her. She would do everything for him. She placed him first above everything and made sure we didn’t disrespect our dad in any way.
When we grew up, I was having a conversation with my elder sister when our childhood came to the fore. My elder sister said, “Do you know I caught dad sleeping with Gyamfua? I told mom about it. That was why Gyamfua was asked to leave the house.”
Gyamfua was the first house help we ever had. She left unceremoniously. When she left, it took years before Efe came. Efe was the one I caught my dad with in the bathroom. When my sister said it, I was like, “Really? Mom knew about it and she still allowed Efe into our home?”
According to my sister, Efe was a distant relative of my dad, so mom believed she was a forbidden fruit for my dad. I said, “Well, then dad ate the forbidden fruit and swallowed the seed. I caught dad and her in the bathroom too. He even saw me through the mirror but he didn’t stop.”
My sister screamed, “Whaaat! Did you tell mom about it?”
I shook my head. She asked why and I told her the scene was so traumatizing I didn’t want to revisit it. She blamed me for being secretive. She said Mom deserved better than what Dad was doing so I should have told Mom about it. I still was happy that I didn’t tell anyone.
But all these made me see marriage in a bad light. If my mom could offer herself on the plate and my dad would still cheat, then life was not fair in marriage. I told my sister I wasn’t going to marry. She said, “Marry but don’t put your husband into temptations.” I responded, “The world itself is a tempting place. If he doesn’t find temptation in the house, he would find one outside.”
I’m not married. I don’t even have a boyfriend at thirty. The best times of my life were those I spent with family and friends. I still love my dad. I hold nothing against him. I love my mom and have learnt a lot from her. I pity her sometimes but her marriage is her cross to carry and not mine.
They’ve been married for over forty years. If they are still together, then it means there’s joy somewhere in it for both of them. I only hope none of them is pretending. Because pretending in marriage is a waste of joy, love, and life.
