08/17/2026
https://www.facebook.com/share/p/1CwXfcqCBF/?mibextid=wwXIfr
Women actually tend to want and like good s*x!
Here's what our survey of 20,000 primarily evangelical women showed:
When--
She frequently reaches the Big O
There's high marital satisfaction
She feels emotionally close during s*x
There's no p**n use in the marriage
There's no s*xual dysfunction
Then marriages don't go s*xless, she tends to have a good libido, and frequency takes care of itself.
In other words, when women don't want s*x, THERE IS A REASON.
Yet in comments over the last few days, many men keep talking about women as if women are crazy--it's just super common for women to give up on s*x for no reason.
Nope.
S*x is supposed to be something mutual, intimate, and pleasurable for both, and when it is, women want and enjoy s*x.
But when something comes along and warps s*x, women don't tend to want it. If s*x becomes about him and she feels no pleasure; if marriage is distant and he wants s*x to connect without having to do the work of connection, so he wants her body not her heart; if she's exhausted because she's carrying so much of the mental and emotional load of the family that s*x becomes a chore; if p**n has become such an issue that s*x feels degrading--then it's totally normal for her to not want it.
Now, she may have trouble feeling emotionally close during s*x for reasons that have nothing to do with him. It could be past trauma in her life; it could be the messages that she got from evangelical circles. That's really what we found in our book The Great S*x Rescue--the messages around s*x that we give to couples actually rob people of a rich s*x life because they distort s*x.
But here's the thing--if THAT'S why she's feeling distant, then the answer isn't to double down on those messages and tell her she's obligated. The answer is to lean in to mutual, intimate, and pleasurable for both.
And the men who grow up with these messages also tend to be far worse lovers, and need to unlearn them too.
Women actually want and like s*x. Women in good marriages where they're having great s*x want s*x.
So instead of assuming that women are just crazy and withhold s*x to punish men, how about we address the real issues?
Instead of telling her "you have to have s*x anyway, even if you hurt, feel distant, get no pleasure out of it, or feel degraded," let's say, "If she doesn't want s*x, there must be a reason! Let's figure it out together."
Because that's the way you actually get great s*x in your marriage.
And anyone who wants to have s*x with a woman who doesn't want it is part of the problem.
