Selah Counseling

30/07/2026

Hi friends. Tonight I want to talk about mirroring and a possible reason why some of us feel like we are too much.

When we are little, one of the most important things our parents can do for us is to mirror our emotions. That looks exactly how it sounds: if the child is angry then the parent mirrors that anger by reflecting what the child is saying similarly to how the child is saying it.

This can look like saying in similar fashion to the child, “You are very very angry at mommy right now. Did I get that right?” When the caregiver does this, the child learns a few things: they learn to get curious about their emotions, they learn self-awareness and most importantly, they learn that their emotions are safe to feel because the caregiver can contain it.

Having our emotions reflected teaches us that the world can hold our emotions and therefore WE can hold our emotions.

If we do not receive this type of parenting, if the caregiver shuts down the child or punishes the child when they feel something that is “unacceptable,” the child often begins to learn that their feelings push away the people they need to survive. Our emotions therefore have no place to go. We are alone in them, and as children, this often is too overwhelming.

As a way of coping, we internalize the message that we are too much and emotions are not safe. This is for some of us the beginnings of the worthiness wound and sense of deep inadequacy. "There is something wrong with me" becomes a common self-thought.

Now as adults, our opportunity is to reparent that part of ourselves and to develop the capacity to be with our emotions. Just because you feel like you are too much does not mean that you are. I promise.

21/07/2026

14/07/2026

VOTE SELAH COUNSELING

Thank you everyone! Selah Counseling has been blessed to be nominated 4 years in a row for Best of Kitsap - Best Mental Health Services in several regions - just for doing what I love the most! Helping our community and your loved ones with relational and mental health support is a calling I feel so grateful to do every day.

You can vote once per day until July 26th. Links below 🥰

Central Kitsap: https://www.kitsapdailynews.com/contests/Best-of-Central-Kitsap/ #/gallery?group=549671

North Kitsap: https://www.kitsapdailynews.com/contests/best-of-north-kitsap/ #/gallery?group=549679

Bainbridge: https://www.bainbridgereview.com/contests/Best-of-Bainbridge/ #/gallery?group=549655

03/07/2026

Our ego resists this truth. A wounded ego needs things to be personal, because it means: I’m here. I exist. I’m important. And when you weren’t seen or heard as a child, this is all the ego is ever seeking.

It’s very normal and human for things to FEEL personal. With expanded awareness, we can both feel that + understand that the internal, emotional world is reflected outwards.

People’s behavior is the result of many things; their conditioning. Their core beliefs. Their unresolved trauma. Their own self image. We unconsciously live our past until we consciously address it.

This doesn’t mean we allow any behavior because it isn’t ‘about us.’ This just means we don’t internalize other people’s wounding as a reflection of who we are. Boundaries allow us to have the space between what’s ours + what’s not ours. Something most of us need to re-learn as adults.

Something I’m still learning.

The practice is to to see your own pain, your own shadow (the things about ourselves we repress), which allows you to understand when you’ve been on the receiving end of someone else’s — this allows you choice in how you receive it. 💛

16/06/2026

This is a heartfelt opportunity I'm truly looking forward to 💙.

There are invitations that feel especially meaningful, and this is one of them.

I’m honored and excited to share that I’ve been invited to speak with parents of children with disabilities and special needs as both a therapist and a parent resource.

Supporting families on this journey is something I care deeply about. As a therapist, I’ve had the privilege of walking alongside many parents as they navigate challenges, celebrate victories, and advocate for their children. As a parent resource, I understand the importance of having a supportive community, practical tools, and encouragement along the way.

Parents in this community carry so much: advocacy, hope, resilience, exhaustion, joy, and unwavering love. It’s a privilege to be welcomed into a space where we can have honest conversations, share practical tools, celebrate strengths, and acknowledge the realities that often go unseen.

My hope is that every parent who joins feels encouraged, equipped, and reminded that they don't have to navigate this journey alone.

I’m looking forward to connecting with families, sharing insights, answering questions, and creating a space where parents feel seen, supported, and empowered.

Thank you for this opportunity—I can’t wait for this meaningful conversation and the chance to learn from the incredible families who will be joining us. 💙✨

03/06/2026

Children don't have the same brain capacity that adults do.

The parts of the brain responsible for impulse control, emotional regulation, perspective-taking, planning, and flexible thinking are still under construction. When a child becomes overwhelmed by frustration, disappointment, fear, embarrassment, or exhaustion, those developing skills can go offline even more quickly.

What looks like disrespect, defiance, or attention-seeking is often a child reaching the limits of their current capacity.

A child who lashes out may not yet have the ability to:

Pause before reacting
Put big feelings into words
Consider another person's perspective
Tolerate discomfort without acting on it
Calm their body without support

This doesn't mean harmful behavior should be ignored. Children still need boundaries, guidance, and accountability.

But effective discipline begins with understanding that skills develop over time. We cannot consistently expect from children what their brains have not yet learned to do.

Rather than asking, "What's wrong with this child?" a more helpful question is often, "What skill, support, or capacity is missing in this moment?" "What feelings started this domino effect?"

Children borrow our calm before they build their own. And often, what helps them grow is not harsher consequences, but patient guidance funneled through curiosity that strengthens the very capacities they are still developing.

"Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged." — Colossians 3:21

When we see behavior through the lens of development, we can hold both truth and grace: the behavior may need correction, but the child may also need help. 💓 See if you can look past the behavior to see the signal.

01/06/2026

Language matters. How we use words, and wether they have shared meaning in the recipient's mind matters.

The more curious we become about what is happening within us, the more clearly we can discern what is happening around us—and respond with wisdom rather than reflex.

Reality is: Something can hurt without it being trauma. A disagreement is not always abuse. A different perspective is not necessarily gaslighting.

Sometimes those labels fit. Sometimes they don't.

Discernment is what helps us know the difference.

That kind of discernment requires us to pause long enough to think, feel, and listen to what our nervous system is communicating. 🧠

As part of breaking old patterns, it can be helpful to notice where your interpretations come from. Are you seeing conflict and tension as inherently dangerous? Or overlooking danger because conflict feels familiar? Those responses often reveal the templates we inherited long before we had language for them.

If every disagreement feels threatening, or every difficult emotion feels intolerable, there may be something there worth exploring.

Discernment is critical for self-trust 💖.

As we get more intimate with our inner realities and how we interpret the world, the more we get to know ourselves and can respond in a way that sustains our needs.

29/04/2026

In psychology, we use the word meta-emotions to describe how we feel about our emotions. For example: When I feel anxious, sometimes I feel frustrated and self-judgmental about feeling anxious. Other times when I’m anxious, I feel self-compassionate and accepting.⠀
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How we feel about our emotions has a major impact on how we cope AND how long those emotions last. When I felt guilt after setting a boundary, I used to feel frustration and fear ABOUT the guilt. “I shouldn’t be feeling guilty about this!” I would chastise myself. “I know this was an important and healthy thing to do, so why the hell do I feel so guilty?” I also saw the guilt as a sign that I must’ve done something “wrong” or “bad” ⁠— otherwise, why would this emotion be here?⠀
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Now, I’ve come to reframe post-boundary guilt as a growing pain. Like muscle soreness after physical exercise, my guilt after setting a healthy boundary is a sign of a workout that stretched a truth-speaking muscle in the name of long-term wellbeing. 💥⠀
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The less I have a history of exercising that muscle, the stronger the soreness/guilt might be ⁠— at first. The more I exercise that muscle, the more moderated that soreness/guilt will become as speaking my truth becomes second nature.⠀
Ascribing meaning, purpose, and intention to our guilt is important for a few reasons.

✨First, it helps us anticipate the guilt so that it doesn’t come as a surprise and catch us off guard, which can be destabilizing and compel us to redact our boundaries.

✨Second, it helps us built a resilient and compassionate relationship TO our guilt, making it more bearable to soothe through and, in my experience, fade more quickly.⠀

✨And third, it helps us recognize that we can survive difficult interactions and come out the other side stronger, making us more likely to self-advocate in the future.

Disclaimer: On a side note, if you have a certain type of anxiety - your intrusive thoughts may be trying to assign meaning to "feelings" of guilt on OVERDRIVE. If you struggle with unshakable fear because of intrusive thoughts that make you *feel* guilty (like you’re constantly outrunning guilt), and need to do *something* to manage those sensations - it might be worth getting assessed for scrupulosity or another OCD theme. 🩷

18/04/2026

“Send me a pic 👀”

Ah yes, the modern-day peer pressure moment your kid may face that you might not have been prepared for!

(Or let's not kid ourselves - maybe we need it too! Dating etiquette can be rough out there).

Here are 5 cheeky, save-for-later comebacks kids/teens can use to dodge n**e requests and keep their dignity intact.

Light, a little funny, but still a clear no.

Because sometimes confidence + a little humor feels like the cleanest exit. 💗

However, please let them know they don’t owe anyone politeness when someone crosses a boundary. Saying:

“I’m not comfortable with that.”
“Stop asking or I’m blocking you.”
“I don’t trade in content—I’m more of a personality subscription.”
“Respectfully, that’s not happening.”
“Request denied 🚫 don't try again.”
“I’m busy being a kid, not doing that.”
“That’s a weird ask… I’m gonna pass.”

Are also totally acceptable answers too! 🤟👌

Save this for later—or share it with a young person who might need backup words when the pressure hits. 💬