06/17/2026
As another holiday and time for celebration looms (I see you coming, 4th of July), it can often feel like there’s something... missing. And let’s be honest, there physically IS something missing - someone in fact. When your baby dies (at any stage), the deep unrest and sense of literal, physical lack can be suffocating. This being was here and now they are not, but we’re expected to carry on and watch the fireworks and toast marshmallows and barbecue... what? How?
How do I pretend that everything is fine? How do I celebrate with my friends, family, and maybe even living children, while also holding these empty arms, feeling an empty womb? I mean, the short answer is we don’t. We don’t pretend, that’s how we end up resentful and angry and in deeper pain.
AND we be present - as present as we can be. That means sitting with the grief and anger and small glimmers of hope. We lean into the things that bring us even the smallest amount of peace. We create lots of space for grieving and tears and rage. We sleep, we rest, we run, we break s**t, we pick up the pieces and see what can be salvaged.
If you have always loved doing something and you imagined doing it with your baby, you do not have to stop doing the thing - maybe it just needs some adjustment. Maybe instead of avoiding this thing we’ve loved and that has brought us serenity in the past before our loss, we do it again now with the understanding that there will be some (a lot of) sadness too. Honor your loss AND keep living. Live so that you can tell their story. Live so that you can find hope and meaning.
Want some extra love and support? Join me on the First Tuesday of each month (July 7th, just after the holiday) 7-8:30pm at Birth Roots in Portland, ME for the Pregnancy & Infant Loss shared identity group. We’ve all experienced the loss of a baby/babies. It’s what brings us together here, now.
https://www.hisawyer.com/birth-roots/schedules/activity-set/1837096?day=2026-07-07&view=cal&source=semesters
