Solaris Counseling Services

10/07/2026

10/07/2026

When we see people attack empathy or say things like, “The fundamental weakness of Western civilization is empathy” (Elon Musk, 2025), we should ask ourselves, “What harm, pain, or hurt do they not want us to see or feel? Who do they want to hurt, humiliate, or dehumanize without accountability?”

Based on our research over the past 25 years, creating meaningful connections and human-centered systems requires a combination of compassion and cognitive empathy. I think of compassion as the daily practice and cognitive empathy as one its most powerful tools.

We define compassion as the daily practice of recognizing and accepting our shared humanity so that we treat ourselves and others with loving-kindness, and we take action in the face of suffering.

Most definitions of compassion share a commitment to action. It’s not just feeling, it’s doing. Compassion is fueled by accepting that we’re all made of strength and struggle—no one is immune to pain or suffering. Compassion is not a practice of “better than” or “I can fix you”—it’s a practice based in the beauty and pain of shared humanity.

Most researchers agree there are at least two elements to empathy: cognitive empathy and affective empathy. Cognitive empathy, sometimes called perspective taking, is the ability to recognize and understand another person’s emotions. Affective empathy, often called experience sharing, is one’s own emotional attunement with another person’s experience.

The empathy we desperately need is understanding what someone is feeling, not feeling it for them. If someone feels lonely, empathy doesn’t require us to feel lonely too, only to reach back into our own experience with loneliness so we can understand and connect. Affective empathy, feeling something along with the person who is struggling, is a slippery slope toward becoming too overwhelmed to offer meaningful support.

Again, empathy is a tool of compassion. We can respond empathically only if we are willing to be present to someone’s pain. If we’re not willing to do that, it’s not real empathy. And the lack of real empathy is 100% a major threat to civilizations.

Thank you to Toni Nova for this powerful reminder.

06/01/2025

03/01/2025

11/04/2024

We often talk about the red flags 🚩 that some have great difficulty in seeing especially if they have been normalized in your life. Here’s examples of green flags. When assessing relationships this is a great tool to see the quality of relationships we choose to surround ourselves with.

11/03/2024

Manipulation and influence are two different ball games, and unfortunately, not everyone plays fair. Manipulation tries to control you, often by exploiting your vulnerabilities. It’s a sneaky game where the manipulator hides their true intentions. On the flip side, there are ways to counteract man...

10/26/2024

Guilt reminds us of our actions so that we can learn from them, while shame confines us within our perceived flaws, stifling growth and healing.

10/24/2024

Figure out what you're missing from your childhood and/or young adulthood BEFORE committing to someone else. And make sure whomever you do consider committing to has done the same.

10/21/2024

🌟 October is ADHD Awareness Month! 🌟

ADHD (Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder) affects people of all ages and can look different for everyone. It’s more than just trouble focusing—ADHD can impact everyday life, from managing emotions to staying organized and on task.

🧠 Common ADHD Traits:

• Difficulty focusing on tasks that don’t feel stimulating
• Easily distracted or overwhelmed by tasks or environments
• Struggles with time management and organization
• Hyperfocus on things that are highly interesting
• Impulsivity in decision-making or speaking

💡 The Good News? There are strategies and treatments that can help! Therapy can provide tools to manage ADHD symptoms and foster strengths. Whether it’s developing new coping skills or focusing on mindfulness techniques, understanding ADHD is key to thriving with it.

As a therapist, I specialize in helping individuals with ADHD and their families navigate the unique challenges and unlock their full potential. If you or someone you love has ADHD, you’re not alone—and we’re here to support you.

Reach out to learn more about how therapy can help. 🌱
[email protected] (850) 752-0448

10/15/2024

"When we stop betraying ourselves, we become more connected to ourselves, have deeper more meaningful relationships, and are able to clearly state our limits."- The Holistic Psychologist