06/08/2026
🌈TIP OF THE WEEK 🌈
Ask yourself: Do I Want This?
This is a good question to ask when you are allowing yourself to experience life at a deeper level. It will help you discover what your true desires are. This is a question about things, people, experiences and even feelings.
It’s also a question about marriage. So ask yourself: Do I want to stay married to this person? Notice the question does not include what do or would other people think; have other family members or friends divorced; or is it good for the children? This is a question for you, about what you want and what is good for you.
Often we get so focused on what we think is the right course of action that we don’t stop to think about what we want. What we think we should do, our family beliefs and religious upbringing can all influence our choices without our realizing it. One good friend, whose spouse was unwilling to go to marriage counseling confided she didn’t want to consider divorce because it would be her second one and she didn’t want to fail again.
The problem with that kind of thinking is that it’s based in fear instead of self-love. When we haven’t worked on ourselves between the first and second marriage, then the chances are good that we’ll fall into another unhealthy relationship. It will look different, but in the end, it will feel the same. Another reason we often ignore what we want is because we believe the children are better off if their parents stay married.
Research does not support this belief, which I saw confirmed in a recent visit with a friend and his young family. I knew that one of their children had a lot of behavioral problems, but I had not seen the family dynamics up close. I noticed that the parents barely spoke to each other. I could feel the tension in the air. As I watched their emotionally volatile child, I suddenly realized that he was picking up the unspoken conflict. At some point, he couldn’t contain the anxiety anymore and he erupted in a full blown tantrum. A successful marriage is between two people who are willing and able to listen, acknowledge each other and try to understand their partner.