Heart In Mind

08/25/2026

08/21/2026

08/17/2026

06/26/2026

Receiving or not receiving healthy parenting has ripple effects.

It is not a small thing and not something you "get over" simply with time/simply when you become an adult.

In these posts, I share some of the effects that healthy parenting can have on you...And if you didn't receive healthy parenting, I hope these posts can help to contextualize why you may be struggling in the ways that you may be...it's not a character flaw. It is a predictable outcome born out of circumstances.

As a therapist for adults navigating estrangement from parents and other loved ones, I make sure that I contextualize your struggles and current experiences within the larger contexts/history of your life, including your experiences growing up with your parents/caregivers. I also support you in developing and accessing understanding and compassion towards yourself.

I empathize with the fact that this is not easy and not something that can be rushed/reached easily...and, at the same time, I know it is possible.

06/22/2026

Father's Day just passed...and so has Mother's Day.

These holidays can be especially challenging for people who are estranged from their parents.

This year, I wanted to highlight the unique challenge of not having had absent parents, but also not having had present parents.

Something I've noticed in my work as a therapist who works with adults who have been estranged from their parents/caregivers/other family members is that there seems to be less attention/care paid to the actual act of parenting/caregiving (and more attention/care paid to the title of being a parent/caregiver).

In this post, I share a bit more about some of the aspects of healthy parenting..the act of parenting/caregiving.

Are there other things you would add to the list?

06/04/2026

Hi all! This post is a little different than my usual content. A colleague of mine/PsyD student is currently looking for people to participate in her research study.

The research study is seeking to understand the experiences of individuals whose parents divorced during their childhood and who currently have little to no relationship with their father.

Additional details about participant eligibility and the study are included here.

If you personally do not meet the study requirements, you are welcome to share the flyer with someone you know who might qualify and be interested in participating.

05/31/2026

It’s the last day of May today and before the month is over, I wanted to honor Mental Health Awareness Month which is in May.

This year on Mental Health Awareness Month, I’ve been thinking a lot about how mental health/mental health care has been increasingly commodified, devalued, and treated as a luxury all at the same time.

Mental healthcare is increasingly treated as something that’s “nice” to have rather than essential…and I can’t help but think of how this is tied to the fact that our perceived value as human-beings has been stripped down to mostly/only what we can produce/serve to the richest, select few in our world.

Optimal mental health and optimal mental health care is essential though. It’s what makes us go from just being alive to living. It’s what allows us to feel and think freely and deeply. It’s what allows us to connect with other people.

Honoring mental health/mental healthcare should not just be artificially honored through fluffy, assuring words during one month. If we want to truly honor it, I think our world would benefit from wider, systemic changes that actually show that we value the full richness of a person’s being, which includes their mental well-being. Towards that end, one immediate thing we can each do is take care of ourselves and one another in whatever way we are able.

What could that one thing be for you?

05/15/2026

It's Asian American, Native Hawaiian, and Pacific Islander Heritage month again!

This year, this month: I wanted to highlight the feelings of "in-between, not enough, not fitting in, of being different" that many AANHPI may relate to.

Historically, these groups have been casted as the "Perpetual Foreigner" in many parts of the world, including the United States. It can seem like no matter what you do, it's never enough...you don't belong anywhere. The pull towards doing anything/everything to fit in can be especially enticing.

It's no wonder that many people from the AANHPI community struggle with issues related to their identity, self-esteem/self-worth, burn-out, and relationships. How can you feel solid in who you are and your value if you're constantly being told implicitly or explicitly that it's not enough? How can you build relationships when you don't know who truly values you for all of who you are?

As a therapist for AANHPI folks, these are questions I often help my clients navigate. You don't have to shrink in order to sustain community.

P.S. Each of our lived experiences deserve to be seen and heard by their own right and so honestly, it feels weird to jumble all of these different groups into one/to celebrate them all in one month. It feels impossible actually. I'm referencing it as such to encourage inclusivity, but definitely not at the expense of visibility.

P.P.S. This photo was taken at the Takashi Murakami exhibition within the Asian Art Museum in SF.

05/06/2026

When you tend to the parts of you that have been hurt, one of the things you might notice is wavering been feeling overwhelmed or feeling nothing...or in other words, wavering between rumination and repression.

Both responses make sense; both reflect inherent responses that we all have built into our nervous systems to help us survive. Both reflect responses that are attempts to complete the stress response cycle. This is how they make sense:

- If you were hurt (whether physically, emotionally, etc.) and you couldn't do anything to stop it, you might have instinctively tried to fight back...and when that didn't stop the hurt, you might have shut down/numbed out. When you shut down/numb out, the hurt is dulled/maybe even absent for awhile...

- At the same time, another part of you knows/feels the built up tension from being hurt and not being able to do anything about it. And so, your body and mind goes on repeat/tries to replay and complete what was unfinished by ruminating.

One of the hardest parts about both of these responses is that they can feel very tiring/stressful to be with for very long.

In therapy, I work with people who are estranged from their loved ones in developing the tools/practices so that they can be present with these responses without feeling overwhelmed. In this way, you can make space for all Parts of you--past and present, without being consumed by any one Part.
*P.S. There is an "in-between."
Between repression and rumination, is presence.

04/24/2026

Being estranged from your family can be prompted from an acute event/change or can be prompted from chronic, unaddressed harmful family relationship dynamics.

With family being such a formative source of influence/potential care and security, this can take a major toll on your emotions, thoughts, identity, relationships, and more.

In my latest blog, I discuss the factors/causes that can lead to family estrangement, as well as the impacts it can have in more depth.