07/16/2026
I used to think peace would come when the circumstances around me finally changed. When this happens, then...
When the relationship was healthy, when the bills were paid, when I knew the answer (and I always KNOW the answer), when everyone told the truth, when there were no more fires to put out, when, when, when!! Guess what?? That time NEVER came.
What I’ve been learning is that those things certainly matter, but my nervous system wasn’t waiting for those things to happen. It was responding to what it believed every single day. If my body perceived uncertainty, danger, or loss, it organized itself around protection. That meant hypervigilance, overthinking, difficulty relaxing, and constantly trying to predict what would happen next so I wouldn’t get hurt again.
The interesting part is that I didn’t feel anxious all the time. I just thought I was being responsible or prepared (I am a good planner!). A good problem solver. Looking back, I can see that I wasn’t living from peace. I was living from protection. That's a big difference!
Regulation isn’t pretending life is perfect. It isn’t ignoring red flags or convincing yourself everything is okay. It’s creating enough internal capacity that you can actually see reality more clearly. You stop reacting from old wounds and start responding from wisdom. You make decisions because they’re aligned with your values, not because your nervous system is trying to escape discomfort.
I’ve also realized that regulation isn’t the finish line. It’s the foundation. When our bodies have more capacity, we think more clearly, communicate more honestly, recover more effectively, and become more available for the people and purpose we’ve been given.
Maybe the question isn’t, “How do I get rid of stress?”
Maybe it’s, “How do I build enough capacity that stress no longer gets to lead my life?”
I’d love to hear your thoughts of what you are doing to expand your capacity. Capacity to think, process, take your time, ask for your needs/wants/desires, and coming from a space of peace and truth.