08/29/2026
This is super helpful and important to understand! I can make or break happiness in a relationship.
Most couples aren’t fighting about the issue on the surface.
Underneath the arguments, silence, criticism, or distance is usually a deeper attachment need.
One partner may pursue connection because they fear disconnection.
The other may withdraw because they fear criticism, conflict, or failure.
Neither person is the problem—the cycle is.
When couples learn to recognize this pattern, they can stop blaming each other and start creating the safety needed for real connection.
💙 In EFT, we help couples move from reacting to understanding, and from disconnection to secure attachment.
