01/14/2025
At this stage in the journey I really wish I could say that I didn’t need outside confirmation, but I do. To be honest, it’s hard to receive messages from spirit that it’s time to guide others down their path when you yourself are stuck in bed, in pain, and relying on your husband and family to take care of you. But that’s part of the sacred dance of the universe. A part of the mystery.
When I was sixteen, a friend and I went to a Halloween event at six flags in Denver. Surprisingly they had a shop set up for real professional tarot readers. I was already reading books on paganism and witchcraft so I knew what tarot was, but I didn’t own my own deck yet - nor did I know what any of the cards meant. Now, we paid our money and sat down and my friend asked something about how his school year would turn out, or something similar. When it came time for me to ask a question, however, I could only think of one question. And this is the most Caleb thing you will hear today; I asked what was my destiny.
Now if I remember my friend had gotten a three card spread for his question, but when I asked mine the woman looked at me knowingly, took a deep breath, and drew one card only. Laying it down in front of me she, my friend, myself, and the other tarot reader (who wasn’t currently reading for anyone else) all leaned over solemnly, as if we all knew something sacred had just occurred, and gazed down at the card.
For twenty one years I’ve tried to figure out what deck this was and have been unsuccessful, but I remember the card perfectly. The card showed a tree, I think it was an oak, but with a face on it. A wise old man of the woods. The card was a non traditional depiction of card five - the Hierophant. At the time I didn’t know what the card meant so I went with what she said. “The hierophant represent a someone wise. Someone who teaches and who reveals sacred things.” When she said that the other tarot reader nodded knowingly and said, something like, yes I see it; and the friend I was with looked at me and said, “you’re going to write a spiritual book one day.” A few months later I came across a passage about the sanctuary of Dodona, where the priests would listen to the sacred oak and give oracles based off of its rustling. This reminded me of the image in the card and somehow I knew that that was somehow tied into my path. When I turned eighteen my first tattoo was of oak leaves blowing in the wind to “ground” this sacred vision into life and claim it as my destiny.
Twenty some odd years on and I’ve had a lot of false starts. Trying to take teaching roles before I was ready. Compiling notes that were only half baked. No one ever said Aries ♈️ dragons 🐉 are the most patient of people. But then, as I progressed on the path I learned simplicity, and humility, and I no longer felt the desire or my own worth to be a spiritual teacher.
When I was laying on that hospital bed in the emergency room, somehow I knew that I was being initiated. The cycle had come full circle and it was time to step up and help others find some measure of the insight and inspiration that I myself had gained. Last night, when I asked the cards what path I was meant to walk moving forward as I recover from this injury and I drew the Hierophant, all my doubts were washed away.
I won’t say I’m not scared. I’m an introvert by nature. I also won’t say that I feel worthy. I did, when I was in college I was probably a nuisance I was so assured of my own path, but life’s humbled me a lot since then. It’s broken me down and built something new. I don’t feel worthy any more, but I do feel called.
As I move into this next phase of my life my only desire is to be of some benefit. Which is all any of us can hope for in the short time that we have. It goes so quickly, and at the end all we can ask ourselves is “did I live well. Did I act rightly.”
May light beget light 🙏
