Liz Seitz - Psychotherapist / Individuals and Couples

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Liz Seitz - Psychotherapist / Individuals and Couples Helping individuals and couples achieve healthy, sustainable relationships and live with a renewed sense of purpose and meaning. Liz Seitz, LMSW-ACP, LMFT

Just because you didn’t get the love you needed doesn’t mean you weren’t worthy of it. So often, when we didn’t get the ...
10/01/2026

Just because you didn’t get the love you needed doesn’t mean you weren’t worthy of it. So often, when we didn’t get the love we needed as children, we carry within us a sense of unworthiness. If we were told hurtful things about ourselves, we grow up and then often finish the job our parents started. We do to ourselves what was done to us. We carry our parents’ critical voice inside our head.

Instead of continuing the hurt that you endured as a child, learn to love yourself the way you deserved to be loved. Be there for yourself in all the ways your parent wasn’t able to be there for you. Tell yourself all the things you needed to hear. The more you embody your sense of worth, the more you’ll attract others who’ll treat you the way you ought to be treated. We can’t undo the past, but we certainly don’t have to repeat it.

As much as we may love a good RomCom, the idea that someone completes us is a little misguided. The healthiest relations...
09/23/2026

As much as we may love a good RomCom, the idea that someone completes us is a little misguided. The healthiest relationships are composed of people who are already complete. I mean, we are all works in progress, so we keep growing and evolving as we age, but that’s an inside job. That’s not something we rely on another person to do.

Rather than two halves coming together to make a whole, think of two whole beings coming together to add to each other’s life, celebrate each other’s strengths and encourage each other’s growth.
A better goal is to seek someone who complements us, not to be confused with someone who compliments us, although that’s perfectly fine too.
Ideally, we can find someone whose strengths and interests enhance our life and expand our world, and we do the same for them.

It’s wonderful if partners can help each other grow, but they don’t complete each other by being together.

In my work with couples, partners initially present as though they have very different issues, but over time, more often...
09/17/2026

In my work with couples, partners initially present as though they have very different issues, but over time, more often than not, it becomes clear that they share the same core childhood wound.

They’re often very surprised to learn this because they manifest these wounds in very different ways and see each other as having been wounded very differently. Or perhaps, one doesn’t think they were wounded at all.

It can be humbling at first, but later it can be a way they bond more deeply. One partner may have compensated for feelings of insecurity and neglect by acting overly confident and sure of himself, while the other partner may appear highly anxious and needy as a result of that same childhood wound.

One partner may deal with perfectionism by never owning their mistakes, never saying I’m sorry, or acknowledging wrongdoing, while the other partner may be full of self-flagellation and low self-esteem because they feel they can never be good enough.

By learning to be sensitive to each other’s childhood experiences, partners can develop compassion for how each of them coped and responded. They can learn to be more patient and forgiving of one another and create enough safety for healthier behaviors to emerge.

Every time you say, “I shouldn’t have done …” or “I shouldn’t have said…,” or “I should’ve done such and such,” it leave...
09/08/2026

Every time you say, “I shouldn’t have done …” or “I shouldn’t have said…,” or “I should’ve done such and such,” it leaves you feeling anxious, frustrated, or depressed. When we give ourselves grief for something we did that we now wish we hadn’t or something we said that we’d love to take back, it often leads to rumination and obsessive thoughts.

We replay conversations or situations in our head we wish we could redo or undo, and we often place far more importance on them than they deserve.

Learning to give yourself grace is an incredibly important part of self-care. We all say and do things we wish we didn’t, and we all have times when we regret not saying or doing certain things.

By learning to exercise self-compassion and remind ourselves that we’re human and that we all misstep sometimes, we can take a deep breath and let it go.

Once we can view ourselves through more forgiving eyes, we can gather the strength to make repairs where we need to or just make a better choice the next time. It’s not the end of the world, so let it go.
rumination

So often when I’m working with a couple, it’s very clear that each partner thinks the other one is the problem. If they ...
09/01/2026

So often when I’m working with a couple, it’s very clear that each partner thinks the other one is the problem. If they would just stop doing X or Y, everything would be so much better.

Only when each person owns their part in the relational dance can the couple really move past their stuckness.

It can be humbling at first, but when each partner can begin to look inward instead of pointing fingers at the other, they can move from anger to empathy.

When each partner can appreciate the vulnerability in the other and have compassion for why they get triggered the way that they do, tensions ease and tenderness emerges.

One of the most beautiful things is helping couples choreograph a new dance that’s comprised of very different steps and moves to a completely different rhythm.

With patience, humility, and love, couples can rediscover what drew them to each other in the first place and deepen their attachment.

When we’re choosing a partner, there are a lot of qualities on a conscious level we’re hoping to find, but there are als...
08/25/2026

When we’re choosing a partner, there are a lot of qualities on a conscious level we’re hoping to find, but there are also a whole host of unconscious reasons we find certain people more attractive than others.

And those unconscious reasons are linked to our childhood. We are drawn to people who feel familiar in some way. Some of those ways are positive and some are not.

The thought behind this unconscious pull is that we’re all trying to heal some wounded part of ourselves and we’re drawn to those who activate those parts.

The more work you can do on yourself to understand the wounds you carry from childhood, the more prepared you’ll be for the areas in which you’ll feel most vulnerable with a romantic partner.

Partners don’t intend to be activating these parts in each other, but it’s inevitable in everyone’s romantic relationships.

The ways our partner is familiar may be pretty blatant, or they could be more subtle. It may be slightly similar, but we unconsciously experience them as being identical to the one who wounded us.

Other times, we unconsciously provoke the behavior in our partner that is painfully familiar and expected.

The more we move our unconscious motivations into conscious awareness, the better we’ll be able to manage our emotional reactivity when triggered by something our partner says or does.

Most people’s instinct is to avoid addressing certain issues or sharing specific details for fear of causing an argument...
08/18/2026

Most people’s instinct is to avoid addressing certain issues or sharing specific details for fear of causing an argument. The avoidance gives you a temporary reprieve and helps you manage the anxiety you have when thinking about dealing with the issue at hand.

But what almost always happens is you get peace in the moment and more conflict and hurt in the long run. I always encourage my clients to resist the instinct to chase short-term gains, which often lead to long-term pain, and instead learn to tolerate brief discomfort or tension so they can have long-term peace, greater trust and deeper intimacy.

When we withhold important information or fail to address something we know we should, we make things worse for ourselves in the long run. It’s so much better to rip the band-aid off and deal with the wound versus letting the wound fester and risk infection.

This rule applies to friends and family members as well, but is particularly true for couples.

The goal is to create a safe atmosphere to have difficult conversations so you can address important issues openly and directly. Remind each other how much you value honesty and transparency, and promise to handle hard conversations with care.

Partners need to trust that if either one has something important to discuss, whether it has to do with finances, s*x, parenting, in-laws, or work, they will do so in a reasonable amount of time and not withhold it to avoid conflict. As a couple, they need to feel confident that they can navigate issues with patience, respect, and love.

When I meet with couples, I often hear about things each partner does that bother the other. We all have annoyances, pet...
08/10/2026

When I meet with couples, I often hear about things each partner does that bother the other. We all have annoyances, pet peeves, or biases about how things should be done. We’re all entitled to our opinions, but sometimes the things we judge, criticize, or find fault with in a partner are the very things we’ve been taught to disown in ourselves. Or things that our family may have judged in us or others.

We owe it to our partners to ask ourselves whether their habits, quirks, or idiosyncrasies are getting in the way of meeting our needs, or if they’re just not our preference or something we would do ourselves? Or is this our need to control or manage their behavior? Or are we just being picky or judgy?

If whatever your partner does is standing in the way of you getting your needs met by them, then of course, it deserves attention and warrants a conversation. But if not, it might be better to learn to manage your frustration rather than their behavior.
Differences are inevitable. We don’t attract our clone. But differences, in and of themselves, are not deal breakers.

If you had abusive, neglectful or highly dysfunctional parents, you can’t change them but you can choose not to let them...
08/03/2026

If you had abusive, neglectful or highly dysfunctional parents, you can’t change them but you can choose not to let them define you. We don’t get to choose who are parents are but we can choose who we will be moving forward.

We can be intentional in our efforts to heal the past so we don’t repeat it. We can learn how to give ourselves what we didn’t get. We can break the legacy of trauma so we don’t carry it into future generations.

By discovering who you are separate from your parents, you can form an image of yourself that allows you to reclaim your inherent right to safety, love and connection.

You can attract others who will reflect that love back to you. By establishing healthy relationships with others, you can begin the process of healing childhood pain.

When deciding if someone is the right partner for you, ask yourself, “Is this someone with whom I can safely and respect...
07/28/2026

When deciding if someone is the right partner for you, ask yourself, “Is this someone with whom I can safely and respectfully address and resolve issues?”“Are they willing to hang in there when things are off between us?” “Do they say they’re sorry when they cause hurt?” “Do they make a genuine attempt to repair the hurt?”

Being happy in a relationship requires so much more than just chemistry and compatibility. It requires emotional maturity and willingness to hold steady during the more challenging times.

It’s easy to be happy with someone when things are good. It’s a lot more difficult when feelings get hurt or trust gets broken.

Feeling safe enough to say what you really think and express how you really feel is an essential part of making a relationship work.

What truly makes you compatible is not that you agree on everything but that you respect the differences between you.

What allows love to last is not the absence of conflict but the presence of repair.

If each of you is willing to move towards the other, genuinely apologize when hurt is caused, attempt to repair the rupture between you and lovingly receive and accept those repair attempts, your relationship can be a safe space for you to grow, heal and flourish.

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Houston, TX

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+17135234477

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