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Helping Others Heal LLC, King of Prussia, PA (2026)

09/16/2026

Helping Others Heal Blog Post #40: Triggers: the punch that comes from out of nowhere.

Our society is replete with messages that can jolt your internal sense of peace and well-being. An enjoyable evening watching television can bring a barrage of commercials that edge your central nervous system to the near brink. Doom scrolling on social media guarantees that some content will have you questioning your identity or your marital choice. And if what pops up out of seemingly nowhere comes without a “trigger warning” (a polite way of saying, “Yep, this is going to upset you so beware!”), you can feel a disintegration in your mood and maybe your purpose for living. Is it that serious? Yes. Welcome to the world of trauma.

None of us have gone unscathed in life by some form of trauma. Trauma can be subtle or boisterous, both delivering the same impact. The family members that told you that you would never amount to anything because you were too much like your father - a wife abusing alcoholic. Or the “friend group” that tolerated your presence on outings of little importance but “forgot” to invite you to events where social status truly mattered. The sly comments about your appearance that aren’t malicious, just a way to “motivate” you to lose weight so YOU will feel better about yourself. All these episodes and many more can lead to feeling “less than” and hopeless. How can you take the sting out of what people say or do that disrupts who you believe you are? Here are a few steps to limit the depths to which you may be sinking.

First and foremost, identify the “they” people. We all have “they” people in our lives. The people that have an opinion and belief about who we are, what our worth and value may be and believe their opinions must be shared at all costs. To not deem their voice as valuable is a personal affront to the “they” people. Therefore, we politely listen to the message with a smile on our face to avoid more distress. Or so we think. Identifying where a direct hit comes from allows you to tell the truth about the people in your world. And if it happens to be filled with negative and critical voices, you owe it to yourself to lessen the impact by minimizing the contact. Words have power. Always have. Always will. Know which words build, which ones bruise and arm yourself accordingly by limiting your presence in those brutal spaces.

Secondly, assess how you truly feel about yourself. There is a great possibility that the comments about your weight affect you greatly because you feel unattractive or unworthy. There is EXTENSIVE research on how trauma creates a decrease in self-care. Do you have trouble getting out of bed to face another day? Are activities of daily living (ADL’s), such as bathing, brushing your teeth or eating healthy meals, a struggle? Are substances, such as ma*****na or alcohol, a main component in your sustenance? Are items of executive functioning, such as meal planning or exercising, too difficult to think about, let alone do? These are all indicators that your self-care is malnourished. Trauma aids in dysregulating our brain’s stress/coping mechanisms and hinders the management of our stress hormones to live a stable and healthy life. Living on this roller coaster of emotional distress wears on our physical, emotional and mental health. In short, failing to prioritize your well-being with active and positive self-care is a “tell” on how you may truly be feeling about your own value and worth. If you leave it for someone else to tell you your worth, they will get it wrong every time. (Back to the “they” people). Ensure that you are caring for your personal needs so that YOU do not get it wrong about you.

Finally, silence is not golden when it comes to an assault on your value. When you know that you will be in a room of “they” people, come prepared for the attack. Returning negativity will never be the way towards personal healing. That only diminishes the valuable person that you are. Instead, take a page out of the alert system. As someone approaches with or begins the onslaught of opinions, kindly ask them, “Is this the part of the conversation where you should put up a trigger warning because you have something harsh to say?” Trigger warnings are positive in that they give you a CHOICE. Asking the question provides you with the option of engaging in the traumatic event/conversation about the potential distress. As difficult as it may be to say, “I really need to know if this conversation is one that I am interested in participating in,” the damage of not saying anything and taking on the assault affects your stress regulation, your body’s protection. Protect yourself. Make a clear statement/stand when something is a violation of your peace. Remember, consent extends far beyond s*xual activity.

One thing that will always be true is that unwanted messages and images will affect our daily lives. And as unavoidable as they are, we do consent to a large degree to those messages. If the news is a trauma inducer, turn it off. If social media leaves you feeling depressed or inadequate, scroll on pages that are uplifting and bring you joy (those do exist, by the way!). And if a family outing has historically made you want to scream, turn that internal distress into an outward, “You do not have my consent to speak negatively about me today” instead. Your value is determined by the choices you make. Make those choices to take care of you LOUD.

08/05/2026

Helping Others Heal Blog Post #39: A Season of Firsts.

In every area of life, there is a beginning and an end of things. A new relationship, an eight-pound baby, a bouncy puppy or putting your keys in the door of a new home, new beginnings offer promise and hope. Newness is a “desired acquire” for humanity, marking a new season and things to look forward to for a long time to come. But seasons being what they are, they change, shift and ultimately end.

Let’s talk specifically about relationships. When you are in a healthy partnership, your “firsts” are not just exciting and joyful, they are also informative. The proverbial “first look” prior to the wedding ceremony tells you that sharing with one another the gift of their presence is sacred and an “for us only” moment. The first time you make love informs you on how deeply open and intimate your partner wants to be with you and only you. Your first disagreement exposes you to how well you take care of each other’s hearts or if the choice is to win by wounding. Again, all these “firsts” are a “tell” of what you share as a couple and the priority that you make of the love you are building with your partner.

What message has your union been expressing lately? Can you say that it has not been as important to master the assignment of what you promised to one another? Does being in their presence hold the same space of joy and love as it once did for you? Relationships are tough and they need extra care, time and attention. If you find yourselves in a season where that has not been the standard or precedence, it is time to return to good love.

Relationship and s*x therapy will forever be a boon to enhancing a healthy relationship. If you have the expectation that your struggle can be managed without outside help, ask yourself, “What are we actually doing to make this better?” The urgency is in what you truly prioritize, and if your efforts have fallen short, despite the love being solid, get some help. Reach out to Helping Others Heal to renew your intimacy and connection.

[email protected]

07/19/2026

Helping Others Heal Blog Post #38: Choose carefully: the s*x talk or the s*x desert?

Are you in a relationship where there are topics that cannot be addressed? You both know there are issues but the discussions around those talks come with hurt feelings, the silent treatment and general discontentment. If this is you, here is the news flash: a relationship where everything cannot be discussed is a relationship that is not healthy. You should not be your partner’s mind reader any more than you can expect to have your needs met if you do not address what is unfulfilling.

Let’s get more specific and talk about s*x. Is pleasure a free and open conversation? Does your partner know what pleases you and makes it their aim to satisfy your desires? Do you welcome honest feedback on how to fulfill their needs? Sexual activity is and should be a transparent dialogue, particularly in a partnership. Connecting your life with someone who has taken on the assignment of caring for your heart also mandates that they care for how to please you s*xually. If this is all new information and a bit scary, let’s figure out how to fix it.

Our history is clear: s*x was definitively a taboo subject up until the 1960’s. The Sexual Revolution of the 60’s and early 70’s proved to be a time of relaxing the standard on how “unseemly” it was to talk about our s*xual needs. Yet here we are, nearly 60 years later, and couples still have unmet needs, lack s*xual satisfaction and feel like no s*x is better than bad s*x. As natural and normal as the act of s*x is, it appears to be one of the toughest conversations that couples can undertake. When we fail to address tough topics, we will ultimately find ourselves in a desert of displeasure and hopelessly wondering whether it is worth it to even try. The drought of a desert is not a good location when water is available.

While it may not be easy to tell your partner you have unfulfilled fantasies or that your “s*xy time” is as far away from s*xy as the grass is to the sky, there is a way to say, “Hey, we need to tackle this together.” Sadly, statistics show that unmet needs can lead to affairs and at the very least, hurt feelings centered around whether you are desirable to your partner. That is a tough way to walk through the journey of love with someone.

Whether you need to address being s*xually inexperienced or how to explore some non-traditional/kink topics, let me help you have the conversation. Love should feel good, and great s*x is certainly a dimension of that goodness. Happy to help you make sense of it all!

**Free resource**
Please send me a message to my encrypted email and I’ll send you a resource on how to discuss “non-vanilla” s*xual topics. You and your partner may share a good chuckle, perhaps. But what you will certainly get is a way to talk openly and honestly about your s*xual needs and preferences. The secure email is [email protected] for the free discussion guide.

07/05/2026

Helping Others Heal Blog Post #37: Meant to be (more than a party).

As a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, I have had the privilege and pleasure of working with couples that want to take their relationships to the next level: marriage. Being a mediator on issues such as intrusive, future in-laws or how to tactfully communicate a “No children allowed” wedding is a common theme in sessions. Sadly, what I hear less often is, “Adrian, what should we expect after the crowd leaves, the dancing has stopped and the Thank You cards are sent?”

While weddings are well orchestrated masterpieces of money, creativity and thoughtfulness, it pales in comparison to the true event. That event is the marriage - how to love each other in a life of mutual, “Serving you is the only place I want to be.”

(I know, I just lost my audience of hopeless romantics!)

What you must face is that a wedding is not the marriage. The wedding is, in fact, the last stop of it being about you at all. Marriage is bigger than the both of you. It’s the fabric of service. And those threads do not have the luxury of unraveling when things aren’t easy. That leaves you both naked.

It will be easy to hear service as servitude. They are not even close. Service is having the privilege of giving of yourself for the betterment of others. Meanwhile, servitude is the state of being subject to someone that completely controls you and has more authority in a relationship than you do. That is abuse. If you are a person with a positive outlook on life, service towards your spouse may look like sharing your joyful spirit in one of their more difficult moments. Or negotiating the mental load of chores when you and your partner both have 40+ hour work weeks. Notice that these examples are not “the big ones,” like the aging and subsequent death of your parents, the loss of their six figure income or struggles with infertility. This is the day in, day out of your marriage being your CHOICE.

Be honest with yourself. When was the last time you chose your intended and their needs over what you merely wanted? Your partner, with a history of abandonment, needs the security of quality time with you, which regulates their central nervous system. Quality time is not important to your wellbeing with your paramour, but it is for you and your girlfriends from high school. Hanging out with them may be a necessity for you, but does that interaction outweigh your partner feeling connected? Please do not mishear me. I am speaking of healthy relationships, not one where you are being controlled to make the joy of your partner your responsibility. Neither do I mean that you must play therapist so they can function daily. That feels like a brick on your foot! When your partner struggles, the care that you choose towards them has a way of saying, “The girls can wait; I need to take care of my partner.”

Marriage, when done with you and your partner’s wellbeing in mind, can be a terrific, lifelong adventure. If you are planning a wedding, I encourage you to participate in premarital counseling. Getting a deeper understanding of the sacrificial life you are about to embark upon is vital information. Go to someone qualified to ask you the tough questions as they walk you through appropriate expectations in making the love you give (and receive) a top priority. Enjoy your wedding day. Just remember, when the dancing stops, real life begins. And if that does not look like service from you, you may have a great deal to (re)consider.

05/09/2026

Helping Others Heal Blog Post #36: Parents, this one is for you.

As we enter the season that recognizes those that have labored (sometimes literally) and sacrificed to bring life into the world, allow this blog to serve as a source of encouragement. Mother’s Day, with Father’s Day in rapid succession a month later, has a new “wrinkle” this year, one that is louder than other years. And it comes with pain and oftentimes confusion for those that are on the receiving end of this increasingly popular “trend.”
Generation Z individuals, born between the late 1990’s and early 2010’s, have distinctive societal characteristics. Here are just a few: they have never known a life without digital influence, such as smartphones and social media; they are more apt to be entrepreneurs, opting to define wealth and influence their way (usually not monetarily); this group prioritizes mental health, while (ironically) experiencing more anxiety than any other age group. Another distinction? They are the leaders of the “No Contact” movement with their parents. What does “going No Contact” truly mean?

In terms of a healthy therapeutic intervention, these individuals are asserting boundaries that effectively end abuse from toxic family traits, emotional chaos and damage to their mental well-being. More than other generations, that tend to tolerate being loyal despite poor treatment, Gen Z’s do things differently. They will use social media platforms and collaborations from their strong connections to determine whether separating from family is their best option for a life without the complications of harmful people that bring more distress. Again, this is an intervention that is good for dysregulated individuals, as life filled with manipulation and other forms of control are not health sustaining and bolster emotional instability.

Now, let’s have a hard conversation. If you have been a tyrannical parent, mishandling your children with exploitation and gross misconduct, face that most “no contact” is necessary for the health of your child. This is a stance taken that is not resorted to lightly or without evaluating life and death at times. Children raised in these situations can wrestle with suicidal ideations and feelings of being inadequate and unvalued. Have your children been raised with “no strings attached” love and support, or did it cost them more than they could emotionally pay to earn your love? Were they told that they could never do anything right and that they were failures? Was being who they are a disappointment to you, one that you made clear at every opportunity? An assumption that these parents are knowingly malicious is often heard and believed. But if you are reading this and can identify that your behaviors have led to this decision of separation in your children, you must get help. Therapy is a powerful option, as it is not too late to reverse patterns that were probably inflicted upon you. Make a commitment to put in the work to heal yourself without the expectation that your children will choose to reengage with you. This is not about the return of your children to your life but to you having a life that can be free of destructive patterns that have held you hostage for years.

On the flipside, if you are a parent reading this and these behaviors have not been in your repertoire, take heart. Yes, having estranged children is difficult. And the fracture is only made more confusing when the act of a simple “No” or any other well-intentioned response was offered. For you, this is the season to honestly assess a few things as well. Has my relationship with my child been abusive from them towards me? Have I tolerated disrespect and shame to keep the peace and the relationship (although painful) intact? What has led me to accept their poor behaviors, despite being solid, loving and present for them when they were in need? Guess what? You also need therapy. The act of love towards yourself needs to be recalibrated. Being in ANY relationship where you constantly fall on the sword to keep it alive is a tell. It speaks to your self-worth and people pleasing tendencies. There is one thing that will always be true: If you leave it for someone else to tell you what you are worth, they will get it wrong every time. But if you believe your self-worth is based upon what others think of you, the view you have of yourself needs to transition. To willingly be treated poorly is undeserved, comes from a deep place of wounding and can be reversed with proper therapeutic care.

“No Contact” has its place. And as a parent, that place starts with your journey towards seeing yourself with eyes of honesty. As a toxic parent or a parent scratching your head and asking, “What have I done to deserve this pain?” both need a space where you can become emotionally regulated, come to terms with your own needs and a place to grow in peace. Therapy remains a potent tool to declare that you will not allow another Mother or Father’s Day to be a grave of wounds. Heal thyself. Forgive yourself. Forgive your children. And most of all, LIVE.

04/14/2026

Helping Others Heal Blog Post #35: Where do I go from here?

We have already marched through the first quarter of the year and the reports of joy and peace have been underwhelming. Life is rote: get up, get dressed, muddle through at least eight hours of (un)satisfactory labor, return home for a meal, spend a few moments with those we love (or alone), sleep (if rest can be found) and do it all over again, day after day. Is this all there is?

Are you interested in shaking things up a bit? If the routine listed gives you peace, do not move a muscle in a new direction. No harm or foul. But if you’re like most people that need something different to feel like life is truly worth living, it’s time to challenge yourself.

The question is simple on the surface: where do I go from here? To answer it honestly and earnestly, you must assess whether you know the actual destination of what you want your life to look like. Have you been talking about making a trip internationally with your dusty passport? Any chance you want to give love a try after a horrendous relationship with a narcissistic, former partner? Is a faith relationship a thought that you are ready to take a true step towards to understand life better? Growing bored of your “circle” because you realize you have outgrown them? There is no time like the present.

What is true is that life is truly the only precious commodity that we have. And that time – which we do not have a glimpse of when it ends – matters. You need to START, and now is the best time. Seeing the world will never disappoint you. There are beautiful people and cultures to explore in just a few hours on a plane. Love can be so magnificent, especially when you begin with the notion that you DESERVE to be well loved. Turning towards a faith practice can be life changing and provocative in seeing the depth of how precious this life can be. As for friends, yes, they come and go. And go becomes necessary when you recognize that you want to grow beyond where they can lead or walk with you.

In all of these scenarios, and dozens that were not mentioned, you can now answer the question of where your next is. Figure out what you want and getting there can be the project towards joy. Therapists are not just trained to discuss depression and anxiety but also help when you need to make a life transition. Reach out for help. You will be glad that you did.

03/23/2026

If you or a loved one have been victimized by s*xual abuse or trauma and want healing from a biblical perspective, please pick up a copy of this book. This is not about pathology, but a PATH FORWARD to healing. Healing is possible.
Link: Books.by/aabigail

12/29/2025

Helping Others Heal Blog Post #34: Deciding on MORE.

Since the power to achieve something is first by defining it, let’s define what more is. As an adjective, it means in greater quantity, amount, measure, degree, or number. In noun form, more is something of greater importance. For the purposes of this blog, the noun is the assignment.

We have seen another year zoom by, without so much as a whisper of recognition of our existence! And if we’re honest, the challenges we faced had many of us saying, “I’ll be so glad for next year because this one was terrible!” But who are we kidding? This isn’t the first time we have uttered those words. But hopefully, it will be the last.

We will not see more by making fancy resolutions for 1/1, and maybe not even with vision boards with a group of friends. Lovely ideas, but not potent enough for the DOING to change anything in your life. Change comes by evaluating whether what you’re striving for has real meaning, is worth sacrificing for…in short, if there is greater importance for what you see for your future.

Do you want to lose weight and have a stronger body? Is the desire for more income birthed out of purposeful possession and distribution? Thinking of opening your heart to another person and sharing true intimacy on your list? All these things are worthwhile investments if they are attached to something of greater importance.

Having a fit body is great when you decide that being able to be strong helps you play with your grandchildren or have the ability to run down three flights of stairs to escape the danger of fire. Who doesn’t appreciate that money can help to not live in fear of food insecurity or homelessness? Finally, sharing the value of yourself with someone special is magical for both people, if done openly and honestly. But take any of these great things and misuse them, greater importance is lost. Do you want to be in a picture-perfect frame to body shame others? Is money to be used to make other people feel small and less valuable than you? Will a new relationship keep you in your old bag of tricks of being unfaithful and narcissistic? How are any of these great things of greater importance for you or anyone else?

The point of more is to be generous with the resource of you and being honorable towards others. When more is linked to selfishness and the pain of others, it isn’t more: it’s a disguise for abuse. Shoot for the abundance of more but take others with you so you can spend a year understanding that more has room to give as well as receive. Now that has greater importance all over it.

Need help trying to make sense of what is important, provokes you to flourish and be a more generous person to yourself and others? Therapy can help. Reach out for a consultation today.

12/02/2025

Are you a man that has wondered if a space exists to talk about s*xual and relationship issues without judgment? Do you have questions about making passionate love that is also meaningful? Is your desire to connect to your partner and their emotions too difficult? This group is for you. Due to an overwhelming response to my blog, "Kryptonite is Obvious" (https://helpingothersheal.com/kryptonite-is-obvious/),I started a group for men to be men, open and unashamed about their issues with feelings and s*x. Join me for frank discussions and new ideas on how to be a better lover, free to express your own needs and insecurities about s*x and emotions. Let me provide a listening ear from the insight of a woman as you gain support (and support) your peers. Send me an email to [email protected] for an invitation to a 1:1 intake with me. Space is limited to 50 men so do not delay. The cost of the group is $50. The return on investment will be worth every penny!

11/09/2025

Helping Others Heal Blog Post #33: Kryptonite is Obvious.

(Bear with me on this one. Be sure to share this with that special man in your life. As you read on, you will understand why).

You don’t have to be much of a superhero fan to have heard of Superman. A character created in the 1930’s by DC Comics as a superhuman, with super strength, agility, x-ray vision and the ability to fly. But let’s remember, Superman was also a human named Clark Kent - a journalist by trade, which was fitting because he had firsthand knowledge of breaking news. If there was a bad guy, he learned this information from his career and could move into action to mitigate the threat to the world. In Clark’s alter ego role, he had a downfall: Kryptonite. In the comic world, kryptonite is made from krypton, a radioactive material that weakens living things around it. For Superman, his powers were disabled. This made him an ordinary person with flaws and limitations, just like the rest of humanity. Superman knew to avoid this substance because of the ensuing effects. What do you do when you have a man that knows the dangers of the more obvious things in life that can break him, but not the lesser known, and often more fatal ones?

Men are notorious for saying, “I am okay/fine/good” without much thought to substantiate those words. They have been wired to be the protectors, providers, the ones that cannot appear weak or complain. But what happens when these “strong men” have a wounded area? And what if that area is S*X?

It's easy to say that we need to make a man feel “safe” enough to share his deepest points of pain. The truth is that safety comes from within each of us. Therefore, needing someone to “give” that to you decreases your own sense of self. Communicating openly is the cure. Being able to do that with your loving partner on the topic of s*xual intimacy is a tall task, but one a couple can handle together. Understand that while s*x can be the “glue” to your relationship (i.e., the place where two become one), the more vital part about s*xual goodness is, “Do we communicate with one another in a way that conveys genuine love, care and concern for who we are?”

Imagine coming home to a person that has a negative outlook on life, often complains and leads you to feeling as though nothing that you do is good enough. How uns*xy that is to make love to? Is there an atmosphere in your relationship that relishes in knowing one another, that is open, non-critical and life enhancing to be around after a long day? Those couples can have passionate and sensual s*x. Why? Because they exhibit a sense of well-being towards their partner, such as, “I care for you” and “I choose you.” The banter between them signifies, “I am a warm place for you to lay your head.”

Make it clear to you partner that you want to collaborate in his feeling good about himself. Be curious about what you can do to enhance who they are and what they need. If your relationship is having struggles with s*x, be open to addressing what he needs without judgment or making it about you. An appropriate question may be, “Are there things going on inside of you that are leading to anxiety or tension? Are these things inhibiting us for making good love?” Be mindful that there may be an answer that leads to hard truths, but ultimately deeper understanding. If you can admit that you are not the softest place to land and that tenderness is not your strength, be willing to hear that truth. No, this isn’t a blame game. It’s a, “How can we work together to get to the best of who we are, even in s*x?”

Nothing is easy about getting to good love and great s*x. It takes a team, a true partnership, to be curious about seeing those sides of ourselves that want to work with the one we love to avoid their Kryptonite meltdown. Work towards communicating how important your man is to you, even in his frailties. Achieving great s*x is not impossible. Be open to taking flight with him to get to good loving. Let your partner know that you want to be that warm place, especially where they struggle.

Helping Others Heal LLC

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