09/02/2026
Lately I feel like I’ve been doing everything in my power just to keep my head above water, and it still isn’t enough. Darkness has been blooming in my mind, and it is deeper than it has been in years. Earlier this week, I was at a complete loss about how to keep moving forward in a meaningful way: how not to sit idly while life continues its constant motion.
My focus is still on creating joy. Singing and/or writing are back in my daily habits. Since reading physical books is so difficult as a toddler mom, I listen to audiobooks. My son and I soak up the sun and fresh air every day, exploring, laughing, and playing together. My closest supporters have gotten an earful (or several) about my struggles. Therapy is back in session after two years away. I have been doing self-Reiki and recently traded services with one of my masters to receive it from her. That kept me going strong for about a week, and now I’m floundering again.
What I haven’t been doing, and what got me through the last major dark period, is reading tarot cards for myself. So, that’s yet another thing I’m throwing in the mix. It’s all overwhelming, if I’m being honest. I don’t know if I have ever tried this hard to claw my way out of the depths.
But what matters is that I keep clawing. I keep challenging myself. I keep sharing the reality that every person experiences pain, no matter how much healing they have done or how good their life is.
We are all constant works in progress, riding the incessant waves of existence. Sometimes we surf them effortlessly. Sometimes we get knocked down. Sometimes we are disoriented or lost. Sometimes we need a life vest or even a rescue crew. Sometimes we get tired and feel like giving up. But there is a reason we are here among the waves, and we won’t find out what it is if they win.