Caroline Cakebread Counselling, Psychotherapy, Supervision & Training

Caroline Cakebread Counselling, Psychotherapy, Supervision & Training Caroline is a Level 7 psychotherapist, supervisor and trainer who offers a non-judgmental and safe place to talk confidentially. Clinical Supervisor

Talking can be a powerful way to explore things that may be causing you distress, pain, anxiety or low mood/depression.

The tyranny of 'should'...
06/28/2026

The tyranny of 'should'...

When Karen Horney listened to her patients, she kept hearing the same relentless pressure: the voice of the “should.”

“I should be happier. I should make more money. I should own a home. I should be… someone else entirely.”

Horney called these internalized expectations shaping our choices, anxieties and relationships, the Tyranny of the Shoulds. They convinces us to measure ourselves against impossible standards, reminding us that who we are is not enough. Over time, this silent pressure can turn us into caretakers of other people’s needs, always trying to meet expectations, sometimes at the expense of our own, what modern psychology recognizes as codependency.

What’s terrifying is how early it begins to creep into our psyches, and how deeply it shapes who we become. But Horney also saw a path out. By naming it, observing it, and questioning it, she offered a way to reclaim the life these “shoulds” try to dictate, and to untangle ourselves from relationships built on compulsion or over-obligation.

Decades later, her insights remain urgent. We still live under the pressure of invisible expectations, but understanding them is the first step toward freedom.

Discover how Horney uncovered this silent tyranny, and what she taught about breaking free from it.

Find the link to the full piece in the comments below.

Address

Near Spilsby
Lincolnshire
PE23

Website

Alerts

Be the first to know and let us send you an email when Caroline Cakebread Counselling, Psychotherapy, Supervision & Training posts news and promotions. Your email address will not be used for any other purpose, and you can unsubscribe at any time.

Shortcuts

Share

Category