08/05/2026
Everyone…
I’d like you to meet Benjamin.
Benjamin has been with the company for approximately 37 minutes and has already:
• Applied for a promotion.
• Eaten a leaf.
• Started an argument with a broom.
• Fallen asleep during orientation.
• Tried to expense three treats and a tennis ball.
Needless to say… he’s fitting in nicely.
His job description is pretty simple:
✔️ Greet every single person like they’ve been deployed overseas for six years.
✔️ Convince patients that belly rubs are a medically necessary intervention.
✔️ Boost office morale.
✔️ Be offensively adorable.
He’s currently on a 90-day probationary period because HR has concerns about his professionalism…
Mainly because he keeps showing up to work without pants.
We’ll keep you updated on his performance.
Welcome to the team, Benjamin. We have absolutely no idea what we’ve done. 🐶😂