01/27/2023
ANGER GETS A BAD REPUTATION BUT THERE ARE HELPFUL THINGS ABOUT IT.
First up, anger is an emotional response, and like other emotional responses we have no choice about it. Our feelings aren’t always rational.
People could have extreme reactions to anger: either escape from it or feel justified staying in it.
On other posts, we look at how anger can derail us, but here let’s look at some ways anger could be helpful.
1) Anger can make us feel powerful. It’s easier to get into our anger than our sadness. While sadness also affects us strongly, most of the time people don’t know what to do with it. They want to get rid of it but it seems like dried glue they can't remove. This alone can make people feel helpless.
When people are angry, they could direct it at other people, systems, objects, or themselves. How we express that anger can be helpful or not, and we’ll look at that later. The point is, anger is a strong emotional force that we can use whether for good or bad. Choose to use it for good - not to bring people down but to tackle behaviors and choices that hurt ourselves or others.
Twenty three years ago I learned about child abuse statistics, and I was so angry it eventually led me to switch careers from apparel to counseling. I decided I could stew in my anger, or I could USE it to do something good in the world. Anger that abuse is prevalent is still one of the reasons I do what I do.
2) Anger can be very appropriate depending on context. It’s understandable and valid to get angry when someone has been abused – and it’s appropriate. It’s one of the few right responses because ABUSE IS UNJUST. Abuse in any form is not what people deserve. Anger at injustice is a sign of mental well being. Which leads us to the next point...
3) Anger lets you become aware of your values. When you're angry because someone left a mess after you cleaned the kitchen, it doesn’t just mean you value cleanliness. Your anger shows you value the contributions you made and they deserve to be respected.
Anger at being abused tells you that you value yourself. A wise part of you knows that you’re worth more than emotional put downs, gaslighting, or worse, physical or sexual harm. Even if you think your self esteem is very low, your anger shows that you see yourself as worthy of safety, and undeserving of abuse.
4) Sometimes people feel forced into forgiving the abuser, but their anger tells them they’re not ready, and in some cases, they may not feel ready at all.. They may feel forced into forgiveness because of pressure from others - “They said they’re sorry, you have to let it go!”
Sometimes people feel internal pressure. They could believe that forgiving someone means the hurt would leave. Anger in this context tells you that forgiveness needs to have an organic process.
It shouldn’t be forced. Something precious was taken, and grieving needs to happen. And yes, anger is part of that grieving process.
In what ways have you seen anger used for good?
How have you expressed anger in a way that helped you?
-> Need help to prevent someone's anger, including yours, stop you from having healthy and safe relationships? DM me to learn how I've helped hundreds of people get there.
pc: Julian L. ,Unsplash
