09/14/2026
I don’t wanna say, “we’re fu**ed” but…
Listen.
I like to be very calm and peaceful and very like, “hey it’s okay we can do this”
But suddenly today I realized that not only is Mercury about to go Retrograde soon but so is Venus.
And they’re going retrograde at the same exact time.
Like absolute as****es.
*cleansing breath*
Ima spend a couple minutes explaining what this means to you. And then tomorrow I’m gonna get in my little Witchery Lab of Alchemy and Weirdness™️ and I’m gonna whip us up something to help.
But for now, pay attention bc knowledge is power (theoretically) so here’s what we’re looking at:
🪐Mercury Retrograde (MRx): by now we mostly all know what this means because I crash out about it quarterly but in review: MRx brings issues with communication, travel, conflict resolution or prevention, ease, traffic, technology, business transactions of all kinds, communication on a psychic level etc.
Okay so let’s get into this newer development that I haven’t flipped out about in a while bc we’ve had a very nice break:
🌸Venus Retrograde (VRx): VRx is more rare. Mercury goes retro every three or four months. Venus goes retrograde every 1.5 years.
Venus Retrograde impacts relationships.
This means that if you have unresolved issues in your partnership, get ready to have those amp tf up, resurface, become louder, be harder to ignore, or generally just demand the focus and attention they want from you.
Now that part means that communication will be important. During a normal VRx this is a helpful thing to notice and keep on your radar. We can plan ahead. We can be calm and talk with a level head. We can be like, “oh, it’s just Venus Retrograde, I can solve this with a level-headed conversation” and that would be lovely if this was a normal VRx. But this time? This time if you try to come at it with that Good Communication Energy you get the universe hitting you with a sticky southern “bless your heart” and we all know what that means.
Cause this one? Well, read the heading again cause we’re fu**ed.
Why? Because when you try to handle your relationship drama with clear communication, Mercury will ALSO be retrograde so you can just throw that out the window.
It’s like playing hopscotch in hell. Whatever square you land on is gonna be influenced by either Mercury or Venus retrograde and sometimes you land on two squares at once with both feet.
It’s like omg at that point either just stay still or run away lol
Literally like this is gonna take strength, perspective, mantras, self reflection, biting your tongue
…and perhaps a truckload of w33d.
I don’t make the rules. I’m just the reporter.
Okay so continuing on -
Venus also likes to be all up in our business about money and finances and businesses we own.
She’s also really into creativity and artistry and our decor, fashion, and aesthetics.
She’s into image and how we come across to others and how we are all received in general. She’s bougie and likes to luxuriate and enjoy herself and indulge.
Now think about all those things in your life and imagine putting them all into a salad spinner and spinning that bitch. Bc that’s how all those areas are gonna be feeling during this 40something day period of VRx (plus the multiple weeks of shadow before and after (spoiler alert we are already in the pre-shadow)).
I’m just saying. It’s really not the best.
And when we try to communicate about it or fix it or manage it or deal with it, Mercury will be there answering the phone when we dial like spiritual 911 or whatever and he’s gonna connect us to the wrong place and send the wrong crew out and they’re gonna f**k it up more and need to order a replacement part and it’s gonna get lost in the mail cause he controls that too.
See what I mean about that truckload of greenery being helpful? Lol
Or like, maybe a staycation. Maybe that would work. A staycation that is also a silent meditation retreat.
Basically just keep your head down and don’t say anything unless you need to and ride out the waves of chaos as they come your way and you should be relatively okay.
I think.
I hope?
Idk.
No one is more bothered by this than me, my Sun, Rising AND MY VENUS are all in Scorpio. Like mama is equal parts annoyed, exhausted, and scared over here lol
Oh, and that matters bc Venus is Retrograding in the sign of Scorpio this time. As is Mercury. Fun. Not.
Exes could resurface
Drama can rise to the surface
F**k a contract during either of these retrogrades
Money is gonna be weird
Problems will be very difficult to solve or resolve
You will come off wrong frequently
Others will come off wrong to you frequently
You will struggle to figure out what to wear
Your creativity will feel weird AF and blocked
Annoyances will be more annoying
You will long for a vacation or a break or respite
It will be hard to relax or feel settled
Money is going to be even more annoying
It’s just going to be a pain in the a*z for more than a month and i just want you to know the truth about it.
Like I said, hang in there, this has moved to Priority One for me to make us a spell in all formats possible to manage this. And truly, I’m making it for me first lol because I know that when I use Retrograde spells during retrograde times that my life is better. I am willing to share with all of you, too, but this is like omg emergency status and I need these products for my own personal supply like yesterday.
Here are the dates:
MRx:
Pre-shadow starts: October 4
Retrograde starts: October 24
Retrograde ends: November 13
Post shadow ends: November 30
VRx:
Pre-shadow starts: August 31 (WE ARE ALREADY IN IT)
Retrograde starts: October 3
Retrograde ends: November 13 (same day as MRx)
Post shadow ends: December 15 (December. Omg)
See how overlappy it is? So gross.
Hang in there.
Leave me questions below.
